More loans, more pain, more anguish!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
Good morning Ghoster.
I survived a 50th birthday drink fest for my brother last night that would have typically turned into a huge binge for me.
Stayed for an hour and left. No regrets.
First one up this morning, feeling awake and refreshed. Sun rising on a cold winter morning and having cup of coffee and logged on.
Looking forward to the day.
How many Sunday's have we lost?
No more. Or Mondays, Tuesday's....
Keep on keepin' on friend. I'm with you.
I survived a 50th birthday drink fest for my brother last night that would have typically turned into a huge binge for me.
Stayed for an hour and left. No regrets.
First one up this morning, feeling awake and refreshed. Sun rising on a cold winter morning and having cup of coffee and logged on.
Looking forward to the day.
How many Sunday's have we lost?
No more. Or Mondays, Tuesday's....
Keep on keepin' on friend. I'm with you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
ThAnks FR
Inspiring my friend.
Yeah no more wasted days!
First up cup of coffee... I like that!
Good to know that we are many on the path like a tribe of Mankind helping each other
I have a tendency to isolation.
But waking up into sobriety connects me with genuine decent human beings.
I need that in my life.
G
Inspiring my friend.
Yeah no more wasted days!
First up cup of coffee... I like that!
Good to know that we are many on the path like a tribe of Mankind helping each other
I have a tendency to isolation.
But waking up into sobriety connects me with genuine decent human beings.
I need that in my life.
G
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
I know my dog knows I'm sober and well
He's like so wagging happy.
He's been with me 11 years
He's going well!!
The ripples are moving out through me
As I breathe the air behind me is clean.
I had mashed potatoes today
Lots of veggies
And gravy
And I could taste it.
Oh the simple pleasures. So lovely for me to be here tonight on planet earth
Safe
Sane.. . Well almost lol
Sober
I really look forwArd to posting on here that I'm in recovery
I really hope it's helping others to fuel their tanks with the juice of healthy actions.
I see pics of my son on my wall
It's been 10 months since he saw me
We have such a bond and a history of good times
I'll fight for that childs rights
We spoke recently but his mother intervened!
She thinks I'm a waste of time
I know I'm a good Dad
Sober
Sponsored
And patient along my path
I have absolute Faith if I keep
Focused on sobriety one day at a time
My son will be back sleeping over and we will have our relationship restored.
I serenity Prayer my pain many times a day and then I do the next right thing for my recovery.
I can feel my strength returning to me
I give thanks to My HP every day
For my life and my recovery.
And I trust that thy will be done!
I let go and let God
Clear the way
I do for myself what I'm supposed to do and my creAtor tAkes care of the rest.
I am not a religious guy
But I am into consciousness
Mindfulness
Universal intelligence
Spiritual goodness
The true power of love
Compassion
Forgiveness
Discipline
Resilience
Determination
Personal maturity and responsibility.
Because it's so empowering to be with these energies.
And I get rid of any residual victim mentality no matter how justified because it stifles my being and is totally futile.
I'm leArning to stand sentinel in my minds eye and watch for disempowerment.
Recovery for this sober addict is all about a
Rebirth
New perceptions
New attitudes
To my own self be forever true!! !
I was born free
ThAt is my privilege!
I can access thE freedom on a recovery program or I can squander it in active addiction.
2 ways to go-
Decisions..
1- I turn my will and my life over to the destructive force of my addictive pattern.
And take the consequences!
2- I turn my will and life over to the Power of truth love and life... reality!
And I reap the benefits👍
I stick with the winners
I have many sober warriors that I know.
I am so grateful that we have a solution.
It's more than that though
It's like awe inspiring.
And I'm not pink clouding this recovery
My HP has been after me for a while
Because when im in conscious contact I just feel that I fit
That I belong.
I believe we are all born free and can be restored to sanity every single one
Who earnestly seeks shall find!
G
He's like so wagging happy.
He's been with me 11 years
He's going well!!
The ripples are moving out through me
As I breathe the air behind me is clean.
I had mashed potatoes today
Lots of veggies
And gravy
And I could taste it.
Oh the simple pleasures. So lovely for me to be here tonight on planet earth
Safe
Sane.. . Well almost lol
Sober
I really look forwArd to posting on here that I'm in recovery
I really hope it's helping others to fuel their tanks with the juice of healthy actions.
I see pics of my son on my wall
It's been 10 months since he saw me
We have such a bond and a history of good times
I'll fight for that childs rights
We spoke recently but his mother intervened!
She thinks I'm a waste of time
I know I'm a good Dad
Sober
Sponsored
And patient along my path
I have absolute Faith if I keep
Focused on sobriety one day at a time
My son will be back sleeping over and we will have our relationship restored.
I serenity Prayer my pain many times a day and then I do the next right thing for my recovery.
I can feel my strength returning to me
I give thanks to My HP every day
For my life and my recovery.
And I trust that thy will be done!
I let go and let God
Clear the way
I do for myself what I'm supposed to do and my creAtor tAkes care of the rest.
I am not a religious guy
But I am into consciousness
Mindfulness
Universal intelligence
Spiritual goodness
The true power of love
Compassion
Forgiveness
Discipline
Resilience
Determination
Personal maturity and responsibility.
Because it's so empowering to be with these energies.
And I get rid of any residual victim mentality no matter how justified because it stifles my being and is totally futile.
I'm leArning to stand sentinel in my minds eye and watch for disempowerment.
Recovery for this sober addict is all about a
Rebirth
New perceptions
New attitudes
To my own self be forever true!! !
I was born free
ThAt is my privilege!
I can access thE freedom on a recovery program or I can squander it in active addiction.
2 ways to go-
Decisions..
1- I turn my will and my life over to the destructive force of my addictive pattern.
And take the consequences!
2- I turn my will and life over to the Power of truth love and life... reality!
And I reap the benefits👍
I stick with the winners
I have many sober warriors that I know.
I am so grateful that we have a solution.
It's more than that though
It's like awe inspiring.
And I'm not pink clouding this recovery
My HP has been after me for a while
Because when im in conscious contact I just feel that I fit
That I belong.
I believe we are all born free and can be restored to sanity every single one
Who earnestly seeks shall find!
G
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Day 17
Just finished my second week at new job.
I have come down with a very nasty bout of the flu.
God its heavy going.
My throat feels like it's got miniature burning rocks in it every swallow I have to brace myself.
I'm in bed with a hot lemon drink
Hot water bottle.
Even though I'm unwell I'm sober and safe in the knowledge I haven't lied to or hurt anyone in any way.
That makes this flu bug bearable!!
👍G
Just finished my second week at new job.
I have come down with a very nasty bout of the flu.
God its heavy going.
My throat feels like it's got miniature burning rocks in it every swallow I have to brace myself.
I'm in bed with a hot lemon drink
Hot water bottle.
Even though I'm unwell I'm sober and safe in the knowledge I haven't lied to or hurt anyone in any way.
That makes this flu bug bearable!!
👍G
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Ghoster18 
Day 17
Just finished my second week at new job.
I have come down with a very nasty bout of the flu.
God its heavy going.
My throat feels like it's got miniature burning rocks in it every swallow I have to brace myself.
I'm in bed with a hot lemon drink
Hot water bottle.
Even though I'm unwell I'm sober and safe in the knowledge I haven't lied to or hurt anyone in any way.
That makes this flu bug bearable!!
👍G
Just finished my second week at new job.
I have come down with a very nasty bout of the flu.
God its heavy going.
My throat feels like it's got miniature burning rocks in it every swallow I have to brace myself.
I'm in bed with a hot lemon drink
Hot water bottle.
Even though I'm unwell I'm sober and safe in the knowledge I haven't lied to or hurt anyone in any way.
That makes this flu bug bearable!!
👍G
So, getting the flu could be a sign that your body is getting better. You're now strong enough to be sick!
I have no idea if it's true, but I find it to be an encouraging thought.
Get well soon!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 328
I haven’t been on SR much through the month of Jan and I am so glad I came on tonight. Read your thread from start to finish Ghoster and along with some input from others I have found it quite inspirational and your commitment to your plan puts mine to shame at the minute.
Particularly liked the Ego/Spirit quote...that is locked in the memory banks.
There also might be something in that post about not getting ill till your sober.
I am almost never I’ll but since November it’s been one thing after another with colds and flus and the kids getting it as well. Comforting to think that your now well enough to get ill!
Really helps, Thank You
All the best to you and hope you feel better soon.
Particularly liked the Ego/Spirit quote...that is locked in the memory banks.
There also might be something in that post about not getting ill till your sober.
I am almost never I’ll but since November it’s been one thing after another with colds and flus and the kids getting it as well. Comforting to think that your now well enough to get ill!
Really helps, Thank You
All the best to you and hope you feel better soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Sunday evening the flu has eased today it was full bore from Weds through till last night.
It eased off as quick as it came over me.
So that's a plus for me.
So approaching my 19th day of sobriety obviously still not myself after recent bout of illness that will take a few days of self care and recovery practices to restore me but I'm better than yesterday.
I phoned my sponsor and a fellow friend in the program who is sober I done all my suggeStions and I scrubbed and cleaned my bathroom top to bottom
I like going in there now it looks and feels nice.
I have fears creeping in
Old thinking patterns but I'm committed to My new sober path and I won t let myself down anymore.
My Mum is visibly more at ease and relaxed
I can now take ownership of my responsibilities
I have battles to fight for my son
And when I'm sober I am fearless because I love him and nothing will reduce me or shake me from my conviction to reunite him with his Dad's family.
I do recovery primarily for myself but right there alongside my drive for freedom comes my loved ones.
We are a family and my God do they need me to be sober.
I am doing the deal
It takes a mature perspective for me
A growing up
Sometimes I can literally feel myself kicking and screaming inside tryi g to resist the recovery path but I am not having it drag me down anymore with all its fake B.S. promises.
I choose life today
Because I'm a recovering addict and if I revert to choosing escape behaviour into fantasy worlds I become powerless and a victim of my condition.
No more of that **** for me!
Instead
I choose empowered living
Recovery actions
Accountability
Courage
I'm manning up!
And I feel the burn shaping me into the true individual that I am in my sober reality.
Drink doesn't do that
Drink lies!! !
Sobriety if maintained and developed is my best and closest friend!
G
It eased off as quick as it came over me.
So that's a plus for me.
So approaching my 19th day of sobriety obviously still not myself after recent bout of illness that will take a few days of self care and recovery practices to restore me but I'm better than yesterday.
I phoned my sponsor and a fellow friend in the program who is sober I done all my suggeStions and I scrubbed and cleaned my bathroom top to bottom
I like going in there now it looks and feels nice.
I have fears creeping in
Old thinking patterns but I'm committed to My new sober path and I won t let myself down anymore.
My Mum is visibly more at ease and relaxed
I can now take ownership of my responsibilities
I have battles to fight for my son
And when I'm sober I am fearless because I love him and nothing will reduce me or shake me from my conviction to reunite him with his Dad's family.
I do recovery primarily for myself but right there alongside my drive for freedom comes my loved ones.
We are a family and my God do they need me to be sober.
I am doing the deal
It takes a mature perspective for me
A growing up
Sometimes I can literally feel myself kicking and screaming inside tryi g to resist the recovery path but I am not having it drag me down anymore with all its fake B.S. promises.
I choose life today
Because I'm a recovering addict and if I revert to choosing escape behaviour into fantasy worlds I become powerless and a victim of my condition.
No more of that **** for me!
Instead
I choose empowered living
Recovery actions
Accountability
Courage
I'm manning up!
And I feel the burn shaping me into the true individual that I am in my sober reality.
Drink doesn't do that
Drink lies!! !
Sobriety if maintained and developed is my best and closest friend!
G
Keep going!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
What I'm coming to realise is that now I'm serious about STAYING STOPPED!
Bottled up Feelings
Fears
Overwhelms
Etc
Are like trapped gas in my energy system similar to wind in the gut
But more emotional steam if you will.
Each day I abstain and endure I am somehow being deeply reorganised and healed.
And this stuff starts to release out through my mind body and soul
It feels yukky at certain times
And I feel like caving in but if I want freedom I have to pass through this phase of my development 100% clean and sober
Others have walked the path before me and there are plenty more to come.
Thanks for all your support and kind words.
G
Bottled up Feelings
Fears
Overwhelms
Etc
Are like trapped gas in my energy system similar to wind in the gut
But more emotional steam if you will.
Each day I abstain and endure I am somehow being deeply reorganised and healed.
And this stuff starts to release out through my mind body and soul
It feels yukky at certain times
And I feel like caving in but if I want freedom I have to pass through this phase of my development 100% clean and sober
Others have walked the path before me and there are plenty more to come.
Thanks for all your support and kind words.
G
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
There is no more loans
But there is inescapable pain and anguish still.
I'm losing motivation presently
Ive got a dip in my channel
The illness of addiction for me is here now in abstinence
This is what I need to address
Psychological disturbances
An internal sickened self labyrinth
I've just woke up because I work nights
So I'm aware of my mindset
Basically I have to address my defeatist meltdown
Challenge myself up and out of the treacle mood
So..
I will check back later with how I deal with this.
For me my primary problem isn't alcohol or acting out these things are my escape from this internal distress.
That is how I experience what the BB calls
A spiritual malady.
Action courage willingness gratitude
I need to pour positive emotion over this sickness to neutralise it
I know what I have to do.
If I pour alcohol and acting out over it the result is always the same
Everyone knows that.
So at this fork in the road after 21 days what separates the winners from the losers?
I think I know
Rigorous SELF honesty.
I'm addicted to act out and drink is to die.
There is a solution either get up and go after it go do some character building with grit and gumption or roll over and die!
I'll check back later with the results of my walking this talk!
G
But there is inescapable pain and anguish still.
I'm losing motivation presently
Ive got a dip in my channel
The illness of addiction for me is here now in abstinence
This is what I need to address
Psychological disturbances
An internal sickened self labyrinth
I've just woke up because I work nights
So I'm aware of my mindset
Basically I have to address my defeatist meltdown
Challenge myself up and out of the treacle mood
So..
I will check back later with how I deal with this.
For me my primary problem isn't alcohol or acting out these things are my escape from this internal distress.
That is how I experience what the BB calls
A spiritual malady.
Action courage willingness gratitude
I need to pour positive emotion over this sickness to neutralise it
I know what I have to do.
If I pour alcohol and acting out over it the result is always the same
Everyone knows that.
So at this fork in the road after 21 days what separates the winners from the losers?
I think I know
Rigorous SELF honesty.
I'm addicted to act out and drink is to die.
There is a solution either get up and go after it go do some character building with grit and gumption or roll over and die!
I'll check back later with the results of my walking this talk!
G
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