Notices

More loans, more pain, more anguish!

Old 01-09-2018, 06:40 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
I didn't even notice Faith.
It's the thought that counts
I'm supposed to be at work in about 17 hours
Tonight in my country I've already committed to go but they us no way I'll make it
I'm drinking water now but ive been drinking for hours before that.
Its the middle of the night here and I'm cooking food
I'm all over the place
Definitely not drunk but I'm not sober either.
Ghoster18 is offline  
Old 01-09-2018, 07:00 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
faith823's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
I misunderstood I didn't realize you had a job.
That is a positive in your life. Do you think you can take a sick day
tomorrow? Then by the weekend you will physically feel better.
It usually take me 72 hours then my physical sickness if gone.
I know everyone is different. That took major action to begin to drink water. I am impressed. Inspiration for me as well.
faith823 is offline  
Old 01-09-2018, 07:10 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
 
Gottalife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Ghoster18 View Post
.
My 12 step sponsor came recently and stayed with me for a week it was a complete waste of time. G
He is still sober isn't he? So it wasn't a waste of his time. There might be a clue in that.

I dont know about addiction but I do know that there is no such thing as trauma induced alcoholism. The trauma can certainly make it worse, but the fact is you would have been alcoholic had the trauma not happened.

Treat the alcoholism with the steps, and, fairly early in the piece, you will be in a position to get effective therapy for the trauma, therapy that your sponsor is not qualified to give. Your sponsor knows only about a single solution to alcoholism. If he is giving you the facts on that, he is doing his job.
Gottalife is offline  
Old 01-09-2018, 07:12 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
I don't actually have a job as such it's agency work.
I said yes to them earlier today and once again I will let them down.
I work nights with the time I've got
Yeah I'm the same usually 3 to 5 days for a decent return to health
Ghoster18 is offline  
Old 01-09-2018, 08:11 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
Member
 
faith823's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Hi,
please try not to feel guilty and dwell, lots of self care, self love and self nuturing. I bet it will feel so nice to wake up next Monday morning sober. Sober time will allow you to be productive again.
Being productive allows you to rebuild your life. This is what helped and inspired me. I was really in a hopeless situation. This allowed me a little bit of hope to get a few days sober. I had to start somewhere.
I hope you get a good nights sleep and just know you are safe and secure in this moment in time while your getting physically better. Nobody is going to hurt you. You don't have to do anything you don't want to , just rest and don't drink.
faith823 is offline  
Old 01-10-2018, 07:02 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
I started writing this post
I was a couple of lines in and I had a call from a sober member of my fellowship SAA.
We have a lot in common..
I was honest with him in a way I can't be honest with outsiders.
Truth is today I'm still not making it.
This definitely gets more difficult to shut it down as the progression advances.
I am experiencing that now.
Pitiful incomprehensible demoralisation
There it is!!
But I answered a call
I'm posting on SR
There is still a light in me!
G
Ghoster18 is offline  
Old 01-10-2018, 07:20 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,330
There is always hope, Ghoster!

What can you do today to remain sober?
Anna is offline  
Old 01-10-2018, 07:25 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Go back to sleep Anna.
Sorry I'm not being cocky.
It's where I'm at today
I find with my addictive pattern that it works it's way through me physically then I'm done I'm like an onlooker.
If I was locked up or somewhere where I was unable to engage it I would have to do it.
So my take on it is a bit lame!
I just still like the spiky rushes.. which are about 1 to 2% of the experience and most of the other percentage time is low energy sadness.
It's a bad deal!
G
Ghoster18 is offline  
Old 01-10-2018, 08:10 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Sorry to hear you're back out 'there' ghost. I froze a few of my personal credit cards when I was getting into sobriety. Like literally froze them in my freezer. That was 9mo ago and I've almost got the three paid off now. These were my 'fun cards' that no one monitors except me,so I could spend 'freely' on booze,cash advances for drunken/drugging gambling binges,ect..Stuff I couldn't do with my joint business cards/accounts(even though I have done that before). I hope you can get off the ride you're on,bud. It takes a lot of work and it does suck at first. Best wishes,man!
DontRemember is offline  
Old 01-10-2018, 08:44 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Thanks DR
I'm a selfish gratifier!
We all probably are or were.
Yes I'm back out there
Not very uplifting to the purpose of this SR community.
But I am trying to find a way
G
God is a word that leaves me lost
I am a word the same
This negative yet buzz filled road
Is a path that always shames!
There's got to be more to life than this constricted oblivion
I know there is more.
I want to be challenged
I need to be uprooted
All I do when I'm sick
Is fill myself with quick release
Then I'm crawling like a snail dis eased.
Engulfed by justifications like a 10 tonne hammer pls.
It's suicide slowicide!
As i have kept it burning I realise I'm hooked on the ride.
It's just not logical no meaning here
It's me in some abstract form
Just feels good so why let go.
I guess death in the addiction is the why to stop.
I'm seeking sympathy oh poor you let us rub:scared :: scared: your back your shoulders too.
What ********!!!!
Ghoster18 is offline  
Old 01-10-2018, 09:18 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by Ghoster18 View Post
Thanks DR
I'm a selfish gratifier!
We all probably are or were.
Yes I'm back out there
Not very uplifting to the purpose of this SR community.
But I am trying to find a way
G
God is a word that leaves me lost
I am a word the same
This negative yet buzz filled road
Is a path that always shames!
There's got to be more to life than this constricted oblivion
I know there is more.
I want to be challenged
I need to be uprooted
All I do when I'm sick
Is fill myself with quick release
Then I'm crawling like a snail dis eased.
Engulfed by justifications like a 10 tonne hammer pls.
It's suicide slowicide!
As i have kept it burning I realise I'm hooked on the ride.
It's just not logical no meaning here
It's me in some abstract form
Just feels good so why let go.
I guess death in the addiction is the why to stop.
I'm seeking sympathy oh poor you let us rub:scared :: scared: your back your shoulders too.
What ********!!!!
I know how you're feeling,man..I've/we've all been there. As you know..It takes one day at a time and not in the AA sense.. In the mushed brain sense. Get those 'one days' together again. Dump what you have,or hell,do it all as safe as possible(I'll get in trouble for this,but it's how I talk) and don't buy more. Just try to work on getting back to some sober days and make some solid plans. I'm going to be gone all day today,but hope you get some rest. I use to write out sobriety plans while hammered/depressed out of my mind,but they were there on paper when I came to and it was up to me to implement them. Take care and be safe,bud.
DontRemember is offline  
Old 01-10-2018, 09:22 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Hears The Voice
 
Nonsensical's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Thinking about the problem doesn't move you forward.
Thinking about the solution moves you forward.
It takes massive action to change.
Go get some.
Nonsensical is offline  
Old 01-10-2018, 09:44 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 450
Good luck Ghoster, wishing you strength and courage. You can beat this and address these problems.
b0glerd69 is offline  
Old 01-10-2018, 09:55 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Well I've been reading all your replies.
Yes focusing on the way out/ solution is the only way.
How to do that... stick with the winners.
Guess I'm addicted to addiction!
That sucks!
It's a time will tell deal
If I'm serious about..
Breaking that back of it then I will!
I went to AA in December to my left an old timer with serious sobriety turned to me at the end of meeting and said.. ' you know what you have to do.. you have to break the back of it!
I drive home that night inspired!
Why didn't I just keep going back?
At the same meeting some guy pissed me off
Guess what, I focused on his comments and to be frank in hindsight his comments weren't confrontational or derogatory he was just a straight talking long time sober member too. He just had a different way of communicating it!
Grow up Ghoster
Tough it out and get on with solution living!
Then my name can be used on threads and posts here to help others like me.
G
Ghoster18 is offline  
Old 01-10-2018, 10:03 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Member
 
faith823's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
I agree do not buy more. Sleep off this drunk then wake up
and endure the detox. You will be in such a better place once you string a couple days together. I have been where you are. I just can not stop. I never was able to stop during a binge. I would have to pass out wake up and have the pain to great. I got sober on Christmas day - Christmas eve was a real hoot- coming home drunk, telling everyone in my family off and then locking myself in my room. I had crashed the night before at a strangers house from my hometown.. I have a habit of waking up in random places. I thought I was so smart I had my two pints of vodka hidden. My Mom came in and took them from my "hiding spot" right on the bed. Damn I spent 10 bucks on that
Christmas I had no cash, had lost my atm card , bank and liquor store closed. I stayed in bed all day Christmas detoxing . Maybe God's Grace. I am positive I would have drank if I had the resources. I had all the intentions of finally quitting but just not then. I am glad I did I had to start somewhere. I am praying for you. I know you want it . I know how difficult it is when you are in the mist of it.
faith823 is offline  
Old 01-10-2018, 10:23 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Member
 
Midwest1981's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
Yes focus on the way out and start working on it. You can do it Ghoster. Drink lots of water, gatorade, tea, or juice and eat something and get back to the AA meetings. Have you ever thought about doing 90 meetings in 90 days? Come up with a workable plan. you will feel so much better by starting.
Midwest1981 is offline  
Old 01-10-2018, 11:04 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Hears The Voice
 
Nonsensical's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Ghoster18 View Post
It's a time will tell deal
If I'm serious about..
I disagree.
You're already serious about it.
You need to become effective at it.

Your brain will answer any question you ask it to answer.
Stop asking it "Why am I a loser?"
Start asking it "How do I get better?"
You have significant problems, but the world's greatest problem-solving machine is sitting right on top of your neck. Put it to work.

It's lazy. It won't want to work. It will want to play.
Make it work.

You can do this.
Nonsensical is offline  
Old 01-10-2018, 11:58 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Hi Ghoster, you have what it takes to stop drinking, right there inside you! I too spent years writing out tapering plans, sobriety plans....ad infinitum.....but what it takes is a monumental (as in your heart and soul) decision to stop and the INACTION (don’t drink) backed up by ACTION (whatever will make you feel more comfortable and happier). But central to this inaction /action is that, not drinking takes precedence, no matter what else happens in your life.

Because sometimes things do suck, but once you’ve decided not to drink, it matters not what happens around you. Triggers aren’t outside you, they’re in your alcohol addicted, habituated brain, so you’re in control....because you’re not the habituated brain part, you’re the brain part that can override it, really you are: because you are not your AV.
Fusion is offline  
Old 01-10-2018, 12:16 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 32
All hail

Donal Trump is teetotal incidentally....

All perceived "bad situations" contain some form of opportunity (for growth) or positivity...........it's up to us to analyze the situation and excavate for the diamonds amongst what seems like fields of coal and shite....

My girlfriend breaks up with me? Is it good or bad? Really circumstances are indifferent, however, they "become" good or bad according to how I FRAME them........
Frame 1: "it's the end of the world, I really am the slug of the world like my mother said, I'll never find anyone else again etc etc" This situational frame comes from a victim and scarcity mentality and will not serve me positively. In fact, it will be like I put my hand inside an old wound (void) closed my fist and start punching. This will probably lead to lower self esteem, a bad self concept (lowering of happiness) and INACTION........inaction i.e. not making decisions is the road to mental illnesses and addictions...........this SITUATIONAL FRAME WILL NOT SERVE ME WELL. The circumstances remain indifferent.

Frame 2: "fantastic I'm free and single again! I can travel, I can get that motorbike now! I can reconnect with my old friends, I can reinvent myself! oh it's good to be free, I have the time to......." "you know, we gave it a shot and it wasn't fated to be, so no worries, she's a great girl and I'll never say a bad word about her but it's time to let go and live my amazing life!
This SITUATIONAL FRAME will probably invigorate me and leave me with an excited and hopeful feeling about the future (unknown) . This frame will serve me. The circumstances remain indifferent.
This frame comes from abundance and taking responsibility for my own well being and happiness (I am the only person on this planet responsible from my happiness and well being)

If I leave my ego out of the equation and learn to see people as complex rather than black and white cartoon characters I can possibly learn something from them........that clerk in the post office who was "perceivably" rude to me? I can be reactive and get annoyed and worse, tell everyone about the story all day long thus passing on negative energy..........(this will not serve me) or I can ask my self calmly (while learning to focus on my breath and grounding myself)..."hmm what's this person trying to teach me?" Perhaps patience? perhaps empathy? perhaps she's having a bad day? perhaps she's suffering in life? This will probably serve me better...
Bonecracker is offline  
Old 01-10-2018, 12:46 PM
  # 40 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Guys that is awesome sharing with me.
The spree is done.
It was cheap cider and too be honest it was having very little effect my tolerance is high
These days.
I'm on the water
Had my dog out
I texted my mum to take my bank card
I got a reply 'my nephews car is in a ditch I dont need your troubles' end of conversation.
So Bonecracker I take your approach and I don't sulk.
I've opened a book I'm making a commitment.
I'll shut up now!
I'll get after it!
I'm going to take the approach
Less is more on my posts for a time.
And just do the walk back to health.
I have risked my health so I will have to go and get a test for myself... That frightens me! Escorts related!
With sobering up comes the reality of the drunken escapades and addictive behaviour. What will be will be!
For now I'm just glad to be back on the water path!!
Ghoster18 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:27 AM.