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-   -   Not suicidal but want to die (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/421575-not-suicidal-but-want-die.html)

Volshen 01-09-2018 06:17 AM

Not suicidal but want to die
 
An expression of how I’m feeling right now I guess..

I crashed my car drunk into another car on Friday .. I’m told no one was hurt but I’ve been charged with leaving the scene of an accident .. the cop knew I was drinking but wasn’t able to give me a O U I .. I didn’t confess to drinking either. Now I’m scared to death, I have a court date and heard the judge might still suspend my license because he would want to punish me for getting away with an oui.. I work 30 mins away from my house and can’t lose the license or ill lose my job... I’m sick to my stomach with anxiety I hate alcohol with a passion and haven’t had any since but I can’t handle this uncertainty it’s consuming my every thought.

JustTony 01-09-2018 06:34 AM

A job is not worth your life. Of course you mustn't die!

Do not spend energy on worrying about ifs and buts for now. Try and settle your mind as much as you can. If nothing else you have stopped drinking which is a major step forwards in your overall life.

Delilah1 01-09-2018 06:40 AM

Hi Volshen,

First, I am glad you didn't hurt yourself, or someone else the other day. Use this as your opportunity to say "enough." This can be when you start your sober life. You cannot control what happens with the judge, but can control what you decide to do each day, make this your new start.

This is a great site to get support.

You can do this.

Fly N Buy 01-09-2018 06:59 AM

You are not alone and there is hope. I would urge you to speak with a mental health professional and verbalize exactly what's going on in your life.

For many of us the consequences of our drinking finally got us on the road to sobriety - I was sick and tired of living a dishonest life and causing pain to others. Fear dominated my life and lead to feelings as you describe. There was a way out of it but I had to seek support.

You never have to drink again - soberly, most issues can be resolved.

ChloeRose63 01-09-2018 07:12 AM

I would start attending AA meetings and get a sponsor right away. Make a generous effort to seek help and get documentation that you are taking your alcoholism and recovery seriously.

MagnumCat 01-09-2018 07:15 AM

I am so sorry that this happened to you. I can't imagine how you feel right now.

They say everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is suppose to be your reason to quit drinking.

I had your thoughts after Christmas. Not suicidal, but drinking made me think that I wanted to die. I acted on it with the indent of messing with my husband because we were fighting. Luckily I didn't succeed. If I had it would have been by accident, but nobody would have know that. I was my wake-up call. I am 9 days sober and I'm serious this time.

You can make a negative, a positive! We're here for you.

Rodney18 01-09-2018 07:34 AM

These feelings will pass.
This I assure you.
I’m in a stress-time myself, yet I’ve stopped drinking for the first time.
My life has been put on hold because of one thing- the booze.
In a way, I’m glad I’ve decided to do this when things are chaotic.
Because they are improving slowly.
You can do this and all will work out.

january161992 01-09-2018 08:00 AM

thru the years ive known many many people in the same or worse situation as yours

some of them are still sober and have happy lives now

you can get thru this ...

or better said

we can get thru this together

:thanks

ScottFromWI 01-09-2018 08:00 AM

It's a pretty serious thing that you've done Volshen, so it's natural to feel apprehensive about the consequences. There will be ways to arrange for transportation to and from your job, even if you do lose your license - you may want to talk to an attorney too as you will likely need legal advice when you go to court.

The much bigger problem than all of that of course is your drinking. Pretty much all the problems you have today are fixable and will eventually go away, but not if you keep drinking. Looking back at the other threads you've started here you have really lost a lot of things due to your drinking - this recent incident is really just more of the same. And if you just use the consequences of this incident as your motivator to quit, it likely won't last long.

You are not the first to be in this situation, many of us here were at one point - me included. I used every excuse in the book to keep drinking after the dust settled from each of my "episodes".

There is a way out - but you have to make an unquestionable committment to be sober - and make it the main focus of your life. We can help - but you have to take the first step.

EliL 01-09-2018 09:25 AM

I’d say go and see a doctor not that I would have done so myself. Wanting to die, extreme anxiety and alcohol misuse are not just bad days there is something not right. If I had gone to see a doctor I doubt I would have been honest but you could be and get some help today.

DontRemember 01-09-2018 09:49 AM

I would stop drinking,hire an attorney and start going to AA and get a sheet signed. What you did, where I live, is a felony. Luckily no one was hurt or killed. You can see my dui case unfold in my thread "just got out of jail". Don't do what I did and let the stress of the impending court case escalate your drinking even more.

entropy1964 01-09-2018 10:27 AM

Glad no one was hurt. Get an attorney. If you don't have one speak to several. I wanted to ask all kinds of questions like, how'd the cop know you were drinking. But, yeah, you knew you were drinking. Focus on what you can control, not what you can't. This is your 'time to shine'. You can learn to cope in a responsible way, or you can use the coping mechanism that caused this behavior. Your choice. Recovery in simple terms is coping with life on life's terms. Focusing on what you have control of, letting go of what you don't. Staying in the here and now...not wallowing in the past or awfulizing an unknown future.

Anna 01-09-2018 11:31 AM

Volshen, I'm glad you are safe and that no one else was hurt in your accident. This is a big deal and you have a lot to get through now, but the main focus is staying sober for the long-term.

It would be a good idea to get really involved with your recovery. This will clearly help you in your life. It will also help your court case. And, do get an attorney if at all possible. Look into alternative transportation options to get to work, so you feel prepared if you do lose your licence.

Above all, you will get through this.

Dee74 01-09-2018 05:23 PM

I'm sorry it's come too this Volshen.

Wishing you the best not only with the legal stuff but with staying sober from here on in.

Throw everything you've got at it man, before you lose too many other things important to you.

D

whopper 01-09-2018 05:32 PM

I know how you feel, I am going thru the same situation except I didn't crash. It is a real shock. Took me a month to accept that I screwed up and in time things will improve. Get an attorney if you can afford one. If not get a public defender/duty counsel. Look for alternative transportation in case you cannot drive in the future. Even those electric scooters can go for 45 mins on a single charge if there is no bus available.

Ghoster18 01-09-2018 05:44 PM

I run the gauntlet all the time with this kind of craziness.
I feel your distress
I hope things work out ok for you volshen
G


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