Ghoster18

Can't or won't do it. Why?
Any Nightmare go it alone addicts who just kept messing up for years and finally got it out there to share with me?
I'm now 51 still can't make it stick
There must be people who have been where I've been and finally broke the curse?
Pls don't respond unless you've experienced this kind of continuous demoralisation!

Rodney18

52 here and have also messed up for years
Many many years
Intended to quit a few times but not really- there was always a part of me that knew I was bs-ing myself.
This time was different
But yeah, I had a wild ride for about 35 years

Ghoster18

Thanks R 18 you well now?

Ghoster18

If this particular thread could get strong it could help save my life!
Pls if you can help me to be a strong sober member of SR.
Read me the riot act I don't care
I have this innate tendency to take the pee out of everything that's useful
I hate it but I love it at the same time as I sit here in overwhelming debt alienation and pain.
I guess it's the disease!
I want to get well I just don't know if I've got what it takes to endure the horrendous suffering of letting go of my sick sick friend!!

Jules714

Everyone has what it takes, its just a matter of doing it. And its work. Its hanging on when you don't feel like it or don't think you can.
The rewards of not drinking far outweigh anything alcohol ever promised. You have to not drink for long enough to start reaping such rewards. Its not fun or anything remotely comfortable but it can be done. Many people here have been doing it for years.
You can too. Give yourself a a chance.
Jules

Done4today

I was on and off the wild ride for 15 plus years with true intent not to drink so heavily. I tried everything except formal recovery programs. When I finally hit bottom (pitiful incomprehensible demoralization) I started going to AA. It took many meetings, relapses, trying different ideas, and fully surrendering before I got true sobriety.

Dee74

Hi Ghoster

I had to change everything because my life was pretty much all about drinking or drugging.

I changed my friends (the drinking buddies) , I changed the way I solved problems, the way I regulated my moods, and the way I had fun.

I had to to drinking off the table as a viable option and look into other ways to fix things.

Apart from posting here what else are you doing to stay addiction free?

D

Rodney18

Yup
I’m better than I ever have been
But still healing that’s for sure

faith823

Hello,
I have relapsed many many times. When I look back at the last 10 years in retrospect the only time my life was content /happy is when I put sober time together. It was much easier for me to recognize this in retrospect. I always thought I was missing out while sober but when I look in the rear view mirror my life was actually very full. The other observation that has never left me from a previous friend/sponsor. "You are finding being sober so hard to bear because you keep putting yourself through the hardest part of recovery over and over again. " (I think she meant the beginning when I am absolutely broken and like someone else said demoralized!!
It dawned on me she was right. I will get 30,60,90 or six months- then drink go on a bender no doubt and have my whole world crash. The physical and
emotional detox was just excruciating to live through.
When I relapse I lose jobs/my partner who asks me to leave/etc.. not fun
I have gotten to the point where I just NO SHOW life when drinking.
Anyhow just something that I contemplate. Being a sober person is possible for me . I just have to do the work and ask for help.
I don't want to go through the raw, emotional, depressed, guilt ridden beginning of getting sober over and over again.

Ghoster18

I've just burnt so many bridges
I'm currently accessing instant loans online straight into my bank to feed my addiction this is a new thing I've only discovered in the last 2 weeks they have interest rates of over 1000% Apr.
What the hell am I doing.
It's so hard to get out from under now
Harder than I've ever known.
That's what is freaking me out.
I hear what you are all saying
It's just that I feel crushed!

Dee74

I would definitely not make any more loans - it's such a vicious cycle - that kind of pressure is just asking to be 'relieved' by more addictive activity.

Draw a line in the sand man - and think about what else you could be doing for your recovery rather than for your addiction?

D

JustTony

I don't know if I qualify for your thread and the conditions you laid down within your opening post or not - as I am still fairly new to recovery.

I have seriously tried to quit alcohol for probably 12 years - I am 48 years old. I have almost certainly had a big alcohol abuse issue for the best part of 20 years.

I am now 38 days sober - a figure I have never got anywhere near before.

The key (in my humble opinion - now that I think I really 'get it') is around RECOVERY and not SOBRIETY. People write that a lot on here and I didn't know what the hell they were going on about. What's the difference I used to think?

Well my version of the difference (not sure what everyone else means) is that I really positively and happily (with no continued effort) do all the things I have wanted to do for ages. Gym, reading, sleeping, walking, running, learning new languages, visiting parents/friends, drinking new coffee types, dieting, cooking etc etc.

I do NOT think much about NOT drinking. I mean I commit every day to not drink today - but then after that I just get on with my decision and enjoy the day. Living in my own head and obsessing about not drinking never worked for me in my hundreds of sobriety attempts before now. I had to get out of my head (and my house sometimes) and do enjoyable things.

I am not in AA, SMART, AVRT or any other programme. I'm flying solo and I seem to have found something that is working for me. SR is my only safety blanket.

That's my limited experience so far.

Delilah1

I think most of us were exactly where you were when we joined here, and many of us during our journeys on SR. In 2012 I made it through the holidays, and then in early January 2013 I hit the 90 day mark while on vacation in the mountains. Suddenly a glass of wine by the fire seemed like a good idea, I figured I had proved I could not drink, so I could obviously moderate a glass of wine or two. This set me right back into very bad habits. I was going through a bottle of wine at night, sometimes two. I fell back into bad habits. I then spent the next three years bouncing between periods of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation.

I had finally had enough, and I decided I needed to follow Dee's advice and finally get a recovery plan in place. I started one day at a time, posted here throughout the day, read, journaled, and no matter what take alcohol off e table. It couldn't be an option when I had a crappy day, and it couldn't be an option when I had a fantastic day, and it couldn't be an option simply because it was Tuesday.

It isn't easy, it takes a lot of work, but it is so worth it.

You can do this Ghoster, I believe in you.

Arpeggioh

If you take a look at my join date, you'll see that I definitely qualify to respond to your original post. I've fought this fight for many, many years.

And the true reason that I'm winning: I couldn't stand the pain any longer. It had to get so bad, that continuing just wasn't possible. When there's no options left, getting sober becomes the only way out. It sounds like you're reaching that point.

The only answer is...don't drink today. Dump your sh*t down the drain and take a step away from the pain you're experiencing. Then, tomorrow, do the same thing. You never have to feel this bad, ever again.

You can do this; you can stop hurting; make a move...find some peace.

Nonsensical

Might I recommend that you stop crushing yourself?

I loved to be the victim. Oh why is this happening to me?
5 years ago the woman I love told me to get better or find another place to live. She felt so bad about having to say it she couldn't even look me in the face.

Remarkably, when I started making different choices, better choices, a lot of bad things stopped happening to me.

If nothing changes, then nothing changes.
But change is possible
Therefore, hope is reasonable.
You have work to do.
Get after it.

You can do this.