Hello My SR Friends...I need you.
 

Hey guys,
I left because I didn't feel worthy, and now I return not feeling worthy of this either. Thank God my job and health is in tact, but I can't bring myself to love anyone. I told another guy to "F**k off, because I can't deal with ultimatums...he has no idea what I (we) are going through. Everyone says "Just don't drink"...they have no idea what that actually means.

I would like to come back, with a new attitude, if you all will have me...Blessings, Wildflower:tyou

Of course.
Welcome back, Wildflower.

Welcome back wildflower. All are welcome, how can we help?

way to go on coming back, wildflower.

welcome back :)

look it's difficult to get sober and stay that way but it's very very possible, The tens of thousands of regular members here are proof of that.

Even tho you *are* very worthy, worthiness doesn't actually come into it so much as hard work and commitment IMO.

D

Scott,
I have always watched your posts, and feel that you have a lot of sound advice...thank you.
I am so confused, I need to be here but I am still feeling the pull from the "outside world". This last weekend actually convinced me to continue being a drinker...because that's what "he" wanted.

I want to be careful here...not to trigger anyone, but I really need support. I need to be back, and need to speak openly about this..

Thank you all...Love, WF

Dee,

I apologize for any past statements, I consider myself to be kind and loving in all regards...I'm sure that over the past few weeks of relapse I wasn't my best self. And, for that I apologize....thank you for your continued support...Blessings WF

This is getting bad guys.........he tells me he wants me " sober", but yet he tells me to drink more so I am 'friskey"...this is borderline sick, I have told him I have a drinking problem, and I should just be....But he is willing to put my life in jeopardy so I can please him sexually. I need some serious advice...this has been a major cause of relapse for many years...me needing to drink to be intimate, and the men in my life telling me to drink so I can be relaxed enough to please them. Oh god...i need to talk about this....please don't be offended SR...

I'm copying what I just posted in your other thread.

Hi Wildflower,

I am glad you came here tonight, and I am sorry for what is going on. If your boyfriend/husband tries to get you to drink to do something sexual, that is quite concerning. It makes me think it is something you wouldn't consent to sober, which means you aren't consenting if you are drunk.

Please do not drink, and remove yourself from this relationship and take some time to really look at whether or not it is healthy.

Sending lots of love, stick here tonight if needed.

Like Delilah say thats quite concerning - but in the end it's another in a long list of reasons why you should stay sober,

Change - at least not good change - never happened when I was drinking.

get a clear head, keep a clear head and you'll be able to work out what you need to do much more clearly.

ps I'm glad you've discovered your innate worthiness :)

D

Dee and Delilah,

What I really want to do is run...far away. And come back to SR and my recovery. I am scared for my health and well-being and my sanity. I know he's going to think I'm crazy, or "no-good", but I want to run home....to SR.

Doors are always open here. Is he living with you?

Delilah,

No, thank God...I live alone. but I get so lonely, and even this looks good. Maybe this is my fault, I did meet him last weekend and partied...I did things I wouldn't normally do sober....and then when I woke up and tried to get things straight, he still wanted me to be that girl....he wants me to do the same things...that I can't even imagine doing sober..

You can't change what happened last week, but it obviously makes you uncomfortable. Do not allow him or anyone to do that again. I'm glad you live on your own, stick here if you are feeling lonely, don't contact him, and don't ever let someone force you to do something that makes you uncomfortable.

Do y have plans to stay sober tomorrow? Do you need to worry about him contacting you? If so, come up with a plan to let him know you do not want to see him.

Hi Wildflower. I'm glad you're back.

I think I learned about grace in sobriety. The forgiveness and love that I experienced although I didn't 'deserve' it. But just as a gift cant be earned (it stops being a guft then , and is a reward or wage) love and forgiveness cannot be earned. They are given. We give them freely, but the recipient needs willingness to truly accept them, and that takes humility - which means getting rid of any pride and defensiveness keeping them seperate, which can be challenging. Anyway. We'll do the love and forgiveness, and hope you can work on accepting them. Worthy or not is irrelevant. None of us were 'worthy'.

Sounds like you've dodged a bullet with your last boyfriend. Perhaps in time you can be grateful to him for showing you his true colours so clearly so you could make the decision to move on. Ive heard it said "if someone shows you what they're like - believe them."

In AA it's commonly suggested not to get involved in any new relationships for a year into sobriety and recovery. Perhaps this would be something worth considering Wildflower. We can tend to see our worth in relation to others perception of us and how the value they do (or do not) put on us while we're actively drinking and this can continue into sobriety while we're getting a handle on recovery (and rear it's ugly head if we step working on our recovery later on as well if we aren't careful).

As we recover we start to value our own integrity more and so aren't attracted to the same types of people. We're also more likely to feel enough love for ourselves to respond to our needs and seek out help we find we still need outside of recovery issues after a while as we start to peel back the layers and understand what fears drive us, so we can start to make the decision to lean into them.

Anyway. Like I said, I'm glad you're back. I look forward to following your recovery through your posts.

BB

Berrybean,

I am only 10 mins sober...I want to hang on...i need a lifeline.

thank you SR...i'm holding on

DEE, Deliliah....god, thank you

10 minutes is a good start. Stick by here tonight, is there someplace near you where you can get some face to face support tomorrow? Do you have s friend or family member you can count on for support?

There is a great thread with a book list on here Wildflower, maybe you can get one of the books online and start reading. Blackout is a good one, you might really like it.

Wildflower. If you stopped drinking ten minutes ago, you are not sober. Your judgement is likely to be cloudy, so I hope you'll just trust the folk on here and follow their suggestions. We may not know you face to face, but many of us have lived similar kinds of crazy to what you're putting yourself through right now, and want the best for you.

I'm taking it that the man you're with is also drunk.
If you are in his home or someone else's, please leave immediately. If possible call a taxi or someone you trust to come and get you.

If he is in your home, tell him to leave. If needs be phone the authorities and get them to 'help' him to leave.

This episode can be a great start of writing a step 1 for recovery!

BB xx

BB,
I am totally listening and taking your advice.
This is the weird thing, he isn't drunk...he hates drinking (unless it serves him)
He encouraged my drinking so that I could sexually serve him..(don't be offended SR)...I'm talking hard core S&M stuff....

He doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs.

I am only allowed to drink if I serve him...period.

Okay wildflower. So presumably he's on the way home or you are then. That's good.

The rest of it doesn't need to be a problem any more. Not if you decide it isn't. We are allowed to walk away from unhealthy relationships without any explanation. No is a complete sentence. And it doesn't matter if he doesn't like that. Just get away from him, finish it and block him.

It's up to you. It this a problem or a complaint? Problems have solutions. Complaints go on and on the same old same old. What happens next is entireky up to you.

Hopefully when I come home from work tonight ill be able to check in and find that you chose to deal with the problem and have been at home, fetish-man-free, snuggled up with the cats. But it's up to you to make the move.

BB