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Old 01-07-2018, 04:12 AM
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I'm ok

Hey guys! So I came home yesterday from work to the news that my beautiful wife has booked us an all inclusive trip to Cuba at the end of the month. I love Cuba, the beaches and people. Food sucks ass. We've been there about 4 times. I was originally soooo mad a her because of my battle with the devil water. But thinking about it, its no different than being home. I can drink my face off at home or Cuba. I can't stop living because of this crap. I need to learn how to do the things I love in a sober state.
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Old 01-07-2018, 04:53 AM
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I know you're not going to change your mind Canuckleman but in deference to others who might be reading - I wouldn't go with 10 miles of an all inclusive holiday if I was you right now.

It's not the same as being at home, but even if it was, you know you've been having trouble staying sober there too, man....

You cant just aim for some nebulous reduction programme .

Alcoholism doesn't work like that - if it did we'd all cut back on our drinking except for weekends, vacations and national holidays and no one would need SR.

I kept drinking for a lot of years because I put all my effort into drinking and no real effort in not drinking....a lot of lip service but no real lasting changes, y'know?

You have the chance to be smarter than me.

If you're serious about this being a test you should be able to build a foolproof recovery action plan before you go,rack up 3 weeks sober time before you go , and come back sober.

I really hope you do that man.

D

Last edited by Dee74; 01-07-2018 at 05:18 AM.
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Old 01-07-2018, 05:44 AM
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I agree with Dee that IF it was possible to cancel at very little cost then this would be my choice too.

IF however you cannot afford to cancel then a robust plan around recovery/sobriety needs to be developed as soon as possible.

Overall you're right Canuckle - we have to live our life otherwise what's the point of existing. But in deference to Dee's point, life is all about timing too.

Regards,

JT
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Old 01-07-2018, 06:23 AM
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I sooooo badly want to take a vacation, an all enclusive seem to be the best deal around and my partner does drink. I am at like 104 or 105 day so sober and I am in no shape to go to that kind of territory.
I've already planned drinking in my head if I were to go to something like that. While I was shopping around for a vacation, for fun, not even for real!!!
My thinking :
It's just one time
Your on vacation
Just watch how much you have
Don't drink until it's dark out
No day drinking
It's another country, not home it doesn't count

Blaaaa Blaaaa blaaaa

In reality
I can't drink
I don't want to drink
I love waking up free and clear
I make awesome choices sober
Drinking isn't Fun for me anymore

I don't have these thoughts at home, my safe space. Probably because I'm in a routine, familiar with my surroundings, stores and hours and so on.

If you do go, I wish you the best. For me, I can't yet. Because my brain had other plans for my body that I know I am not OK with

Last edited by DreamCatcher17; 01-07-2018 at 06:25 AM. Reason: Spelling corrections
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Old 01-07-2018, 06:48 AM
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^^^ great post Dreamcatcher you sound like you have a healthy regard for what is keeping you safe.
I did actually go on an all-inclusive holiday at 6 weeks sober. I booked it whilst still drinking and the cost was so high and my daughters were so looking forward to it we went. BUT I promised myself that I would only go if I stayed sober for those 6 weeks. If I could do that and get my head around a bullet-proof plan for the week away I would go. And I went and yes I remained sober throughout. Alcohol of course was everywhere. Beer for breakfast lunch and dinner. Absolutely nowhere to hide. I was lucky. VERY lucky that I was riding the pink cloud of early sobriety and enjoyed it thoroughly. The coffee was also free, the water, the fruit juice etc etc
But at 3 days sober?
With perhaps a chance to cancel?
I don't think I would risk it.
If you cannot alter the holiday in any way I would work very hard on building up your sobriety and getting your head around what you're taking on. Russian roulette is a very dangerous game.
Have a think and be very honest with yourself and your partner.
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Old 01-07-2018, 06:56 AM
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Does your wife know that you are an alcoholic trying to quit?
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Old 01-07-2018, 07:05 AM
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I will be the odd person out. I would go, but I would have an iron clad plan for each and every day. Right down to what I would drink.

I visualized as many aspects of travelling to see family this year as I could because while on vacation, poop happens we cannot control. I got sick, dh had a relation die, our trip home took 27 hours between flight delays, cancellations and pure stupidity. Our luggage, carryon was stolen with a grand worth of medications for my kids. I couldn't plan for those things but having an iron clad plan in mind, if I get stressed I will drink a club soda, new years eve I will drink pom juice and seltzer. If I need a break, I will take it.

Even when my father in law accidentally put on soft core porn on the tv... I just dug into my handy toolbox, get kids out of room, hubby get remote, go have a cup of tea lol.
Things like I will hike 5 times, to these places, I will snowmobile 4 times to these places. The joke was I didn't have my leather padfolio with the itinerary because travelling with kids I don't want to hear, I am bored. My itinerary was in my head. I worried about me only. One vacation without every minute planned for the kids is Ok, it will not happen again lol i knew what i would do in every situation, i visuslized how great i woild feel doing things and i stayed sober. Even when i saw hoe generously the stewardess was pouring the wine glasses after a 2 hour delay on the tarmac.
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Old 01-07-2018, 07:11 AM
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Can,

I would go for it.

You will be tempted, but you can do it.

I missed nothing and I made it this far.

You see I have had slips, but 1 shot and stopping for a year is still a win.

Suffering is the key. I saw drunks on my vacations, but I also saw sober folks.

Seeing drunks, when I was sober was a big deal in my recovery.

Seeing that slurring, loud, tired eyed, selfish manifestation of people is definitely motivation to never drink again.

The health benefits of vacationing are amazing. Eating, relaxing, and working out extra on vacations since I quit drinking bring me home more alive.

I used to come back looking like I got hit by a train.

Never again.

I vote don't cancel.

Not drinking was a huge deal though. My whole family drank during out trip to Cancun. Except me. The crave was there stronger than normal. I did drink a few virgin bloody marys and pinacoladas.

For me nw, the crave is there at every occasion because I used to get drunk at every occasion. I don't fear it, I expect it. I am proudly sober. I don't drink anymore.

Resisting hardened me.

Thanks.
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Old 01-07-2018, 08:30 AM
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I'm not in any position to say one way or another CM. One thing I can tell you is that I went on a family holiday (just to the west coast of Scotland) for ten days because I felt like I couldn't cancel.

I'd been sober two weeks. Anna (very wisely) warned me but I was adament I wanted to go I was actually a bit miffed at the implication that I might not be able to manage, that it was ok to let my family down by cancelling, that I was not prioritising my recovery (sorry Anna!). I was determined and said so in my responses.

I stayed sober for the holiday but relapsed the day I got home. I had been holding on so strongly when away that I didn't understand that my vulnerable point was when I had 'made it' and could relax a bit.

I did the same after Christmas. Made it through a week with family then relapsed the day they left. It's a tough lesson learned. Sometimes we take our eye of the ball and fall.

If you are going I hope you have an amazing, sober holiday. Just remember to watch yourself when you get home. It may be that this is the time you are most vulnerable but don't realise it until it's too late. Gabe x
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Old 01-07-2018, 10:00 AM
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I went on holiday in September last year after 60 days sober; not all inclusive as such but a house with 3 couples so as good as. I choose to drink and didn't stop until late December. I think you can go to Cuba but only if you think you can enjoy the sun, sea, sand , etc. without drinking, especially if everyone around you is drinking. I went to Varadero in Cuba for a few days a few years ago and it was full of drunk Canadians
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Old 01-07-2018, 10:12 AM
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Canuckleman45,

If it were me I know I'd end up making a drinking exception just for the period of the all-inclsuive holiday.

And then I'd spend the next year extending that exclusion, just one week at a time.

I really hope you're not like me.
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Old 01-07-2018, 10:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Gabe1980 View Post
I'm not in any position to say one way or another CM. One thing I can tell you is that I went on a family holiday (just to the west coast of Scotland) for ten days because I felt like I couldn't cancel.

I'd been sober two weeks. Anna (very wisely) warned me but I was adament I wanted to go I was actually a bit miffed at the implication that I might not be able to manage, that it was ok to let my family down by cancelling, that I was not prioritising my recovery (sorry Anna!). I was determined and said so in my responses.

I stayed sober for the holiday but relapsed the day I got home. I had been holding on so strongly when away that I didn't understand that my vulnerable point was when I had 'made it' and could relax a bit.

I did the same after Christmas. Made it through a week with family then relapsed the day they left. It's a tough lesson learned. Sometimes we take our eye of the ball and fall.

If you are going I hope you have an amazing, sober holiday. Just remember to watch yourself when you get home. It may be that this is the time you are most vulnerable but don't realise it until it's too late. Gabe x
All that stress of fighting the urges and dealing with the fear of missing out, or simply reflecting on what would have been in the "good old days" tends to wear me out to the point where relapse becomes more likely.

I'd not go, being in those situations at first made me want nothing more than to jump out of my own skin. My thoughts go circular the entire time just trying to keep myself somewhat calm. I took a weekend with my wife at 7 months sober, we stayed in a cabin that had no celular service and were cut off from the world. It was a little hard even being away from drinking.
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Old 01-07-2018, 10:27 AM
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How many days have you been able to put together sober recently?

For me, Like D said, at best Iíd want at least a month before I considered even a little bit going.
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Old 01-07-2018, 10:29 AM
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I think it boils down to how much you truly want to maintain your sobriety. Iím not going to tell you to cancel your trip, but like others have suggested - make sure you have a plan in place. I got through a vacation in Mexico and now Iím in Switzerland - drink free. Dublin, my next stop, will be a challenge, but Iím feeling confident.
For me, sobriety is way too important.
Best of luck.
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Old 01-07-2018, 10:39 AM
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I'd be drinking on the beach by day two(probably at the airport/plane on the way there) VACATION!!! Especially with only a few days behind me. Hell..Even at a year I don't trust myself that much yet and I feel pretty solid in my sobriety.
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