This is Too Much
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 192
This is Too Much
Day 12 and I honestly thought it was amazing waking up thinking what a wreck I was from days 1 - 8. The last 3 days I've had a positive mindshift, etc. all the healing. I was one of the lucky ones who didn't have any cravings. But trust me this withdrawal has been the worst and I've been thru sooo many. Tonight I need to drink and then God only knows.
Tomorrow is my son's 29th birthday he is my only child. He has no contact with me. He's done this to me before it lasted 2 years we reconciled in 2016 and I honestly thought all was good until early September when I realized we spoken for couple of months (we live in different cities) I got paranoid and afraid I had drunk texted or phoned him or his girlfriend and deleted and record of it. So I looked at his girlfriend's blog and holy hell they were moving to Spain for a year leaving in one week. I drank a lot phoned them both and gave them s**t how could you do this to me and worse insulting stuff I can't recall. I can't recall anything except his girlfriend saying something about showing her respect. During a few stretches of sober time I've emailed my son apologizing and asking why he didn't tell me about Spain. No replies. I've read through the forum Adult Children of Alcoholics and it was terribly discouraging and hopeless. I've lost my baby forever. I don't give a rat's a** about losing all my friends. I'm still waiting to get into a new Therapist BTW. Someone tell me why I shouldn't get a 26 or what's the point of this struggle my mind is not trustworthy and I just don't care
Tomorrow is my son's 29th birthday he is my only child. He has no contact with me. He's done this to me before it lasted 2 years we reconciled in 2016 and I honestly thought all was good until early September when I realized we spoken for couple of months (we live in different cities) I got paranoid and afraid I had drunk texted or phoned him or his girlfriend and deleted and record of it. So I looked at his girlfriend's blog and holy hell they were moving to Spain for a year leaving in one week. I drank a lot phoned them both and gave them s**t how could you do this to me and worse insulting stuff I can't recall. I can't recall anything except his girlfriend saying something about showing her respect. During a few stretches of sober time I've emailed my son apologizing and asking why he didn't tell me about Spain. No replies. I've read through the forum Adult Children of Alcoholics and it was terribly discouraging and hopeless. I've lost my baby forever. I don't give a rat's a** about losing all my friends. I'm still waiting to get into a new Therapist BTW. Someone tell me why I shouldn't get a 26 or what's the point of this struggle my mind is not trustworthy and I just don't care
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
praying for you to stay sober. Resentments come out for me in full force when drinking and I get all the bravado in the world to just make things worse. I hope you do not feed this resentment you feel with them moving away with alcohol. I know from experience that will just amplify the hurt and make you feel worse. I have 13 days. I feel better about myself all ready. You are worth a sober life. I hope you Love your self and your son's love will find you no doubt. Congrats on your sober time. that is awesome. I hope you feel better.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I'm sorry.
Fear is a very powerful emotion - so is love - and our inner addict knows how to use both to get what it wants..
I see it this way - you can stay sober, build a great life for yourself and have every chance of one day making amends and reestablishing contact with your son...
or you can drink at this and have no hope of anything at all.
The point? You're a good person who wants to be a better one.
I know it hurts and its scary - but drinking at this won't make it go away TYG - stay sober and it just might.
D
Fear is a very powerful emotion - so is love - and our inner addict knows how to use both to get what it wants..
I see it this way - you can stay sober, build a great life for yourself and have every chance of one day making amends and reestablishing contact with your son...
or you can drink at this and have no hope of anything at all.
The point? You're a good person who wants to be a better one.
I know it hurts and its scary - but drinking at this won't make it go away TYG - stay sober and it just might.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Congrats on 12 days!!
Your son is going to be in Spain for a year. That's the perfect amount of time for you to get your sober life in order heading in the right direction. As someone completely detached emotionally from it, your son should know that you give your support for his decisions (even if you don't agree).
So take this year to get a recovery program and work it to the best of your ability. Your son will come home to a happy, vibrant, healthy mom. Then you two can build a wonderful healthy relationship together.
Your son is going to be in Spain for a year. That's the perfect amount of time for you to get your sober life in order heading in the right direction. As someone completely detached emotionally from it, your son should know that you give your support for his decisions (even if you don't agree).
So take this year to get a recovery program and work it to the best of your ability. Your son will come home to a happy, vibrant, healthy mom. Then you two can build a wonderful healthy relationship together.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
Congratulations on 12 days!
Hang in there, don't let feeling good one day let your guard down! It's going to be hard for a while with ups and downs and at the end of the day I have a feeling you'll be able to deal with all of this much better sober.
You are still recovering and early in recovery, your emotions are going to be heightened and all over the place! Small things will seem much bigger than they really are and big things will seem gigantic.
Resetting that clock never helps, trust me I know far to well.
Hang in there, don't let feeling good one day let your guard down! It's going to be hard for a while with ups and downs and at the end of the day I have a feeling you'll be able to deal with all of this much better sober.
You are still recovering and early in recovery, your emotions are going to be heightened and all over the place! Small things will seem much bigger than they really are and big things will seem gigantic.
Resetting that clock never helps, trust me I know far to well.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Tyg,
My addiction was powerful. Now it is weak, but it is persistent.
At 12 days I had so much relapse history that I knew I needed to go further.
The suffering was constant, but waking up sober was and is the best reward I have ever given myself.
Thanks.
My addiction was powerful. Now it is weak, but it is persistent.
At 12 days I had so much relapse history that I knew I needed to go further.
The suffering was constant, but waking up sober was and is the best reward I have ever given myself.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Stay sober and build a good life is the only sane way forward for you.
I found once I was fully working my recovery and living a solid life, family members gradually came back to me. They needed to see I had changed and was no longer likely to be drunk and yell at them.
This all takes time. I was drunk for years so I needed years to recover. I needed to regain their trust.
All the best to you.
I found once I was fully working my recovery and living a solid life, family members gradually came back to me. They needed to see I had changed and was no longer likely to be drunk and yell at them.
This all takes time. I was drunk for years so I needed years to recover. I needed to regain their trust.
All the best to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
I suspect I'm too late one way or another? I hope you didn't drink though.
You don't know losing him FOREVER is true. That's just a negative prognosis that will make you self destruct.
If you drink again though you might ring, text or email him? It will seem a good idea as you do it. And then your chances of reconciliation get smaller every time.
You don't know losing him FOREVER is true. That's just a negative prognosis that will make you self destruct.
If you drink again though you might ring, text or email him? It will seem a good idea as you do it. And then your chances of reconciliation get smaller every time.
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