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What the HELL?

Old 01-06-2018, 05:59 AM
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What the HELL?

I don't get it. I'm trying like crazy to remain sober. I can get from day 1 to day 5 with no problem at all what so ever. No withdrawal, cravings are very rare, and if I get them they are easily ignored. My AV keeps his mouth shut too LOL. But around day 5 it seems like everything crashes down. Its always a different day of the week so its not like its a Friday after work, it could be a Wednesday at lunch time at work kind of thing. Is this just another game the AV plays? Is this when MY withdrawal starts? It should be getting easier after 5 days shouldn't it? Its starting to really screw with my mind. Thoughts?
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Old 01-06-2018, 06:10 AM
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For me it was psychological. Once I broke the cycle it got easier. Maybe write down a list of things youíre going to do instead of drinking each day and then work through them. Going for long walks also helped me a lot. I was also seeing my therapist weekly at the time and that gave me a bit of focus. You really can do this man🙂
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Old 01-06-2018, 06:18 AM
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Oh I'm convinced its psychological. I'm still doing something wrong though. I find going for a drive works. I keep as busy as I can, I know what my trigger is.
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Old 01-06-2018, 06:26 AM
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Your trigger is that you are an alcoholic.

Do you give into it? Seems like you've had more than one Day 5? Once you give in, you make it harder on yourself to not give in the next time.

A toddler will scream and cry until it gets its candy. If you give it candy, you can be sure you will get more screaming and crying.

The trigger is we use alcohol for everything and habits are made, memories.

You have to stop listening to a two year old.

Just get past each incident and it gets easier next time. These thoughts are not going to leave, they are part of the addiction and the only way out is to hold strong.

I had to have something I said to myself and that was, "I don't drink. No matter what."
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Old 01-06-2018, 06:33 AM
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I know I'm an alcoholic. Not denying that. My question is why is it so easy up until round day 5 or 6? Shouldn't it be hard up to Day 5 or 6 then start getting easier? I feel like I can tackle the world those first several days. Get so happy that I'm not drinking, everything is awesome. Then BAM. Its frustrating and saddens me. Like getting punched in the face.
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Old 01-06-2018, 06:39 AM
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I'll throw in my 2 cents. Its a cycle. Some people's cycle is 24 hrs, other people its a 5 days to a week, for some it might only be once every 2 months. But at some point the person is feeling good, craves alcohol, convinces themselves that they have been "good" and boom, off to the races.
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Old 01-06-2018, 06:39 AM
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There will be hard times at three weeks, three months, six months, and other times in between.

When I quit I just assumed it was not going to be easy. People told me that and I believed those who went before me.

Thoughts are just thoughts, they can't pull out your wallet - so why get upset about them? I get thoughts I don't want all the time - "How will I pay for this or that bill?" "Why did such and such happen?" "Boy my friend's husband is hot," lots of weirdness flows through my head.

Just find a way to let the thought go...there are lots of techniques - Google "thought stopping" or "urge surfing " or "letting go."
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Old 01-06-2018, 06:40 AM
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this may well be what's known as an extinction burst. when you're trying to eliminate a behaviour by refusing to reinforce it, that behaviour will have a tantrum as a last-ditch attempt not to be eliminated. if you can get past the extinction burst you've won a real battle in eliminating the behaviour; if you give in you're just reinforcing it again. Bim's toddler analogy is spot on.

it's worth googling, there's lots of info out there explaining it better than I can.
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Old 01-06-2018, 06:45 AM
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Learning about AVRT (great threads here on SR in the Secular Connections forum) gave me a new perspective on how to identify and separate from certain feelings (AV).
I identify the happy feel good responses to not drinking with my ‘higher’ , more rational self . And any thought about future drinking as AV , addictive voice. The AV generates negative ,sad, frustrated, responses to the idea of never getting to experience a buzz , ever again.
YOU don’t sound happy about continuing to drink , so are YOU actually sad about not drinking?
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Old 01-06-2018, 06:53 AM
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Going for a drive is good. Maybe get a coffee or something and sit outside and read a book for a bit while youíre out.

I think a lot of my drinking was just habit. Once I made new habits to replace the drinking I could stop. TBH, I started smoking properly again when I got sober four months ago. I did notice I was smoking like I drank: alone, heavily and late at night! I was able to stop smoking fairly easily about six weeks ago though. Please donít think Iím recommending smoking, but I just wanted you to know what happened with me. Iíve now developed a few decent healthy habits (including posting to SR) and the urge to drink is really beginning to fade.

Obviously thereís lots of other deeper stuff and Iíve found the therapy has been really helpful for that. I started the therapy the week I quit drinking.

All the best🙂
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Old 01-06-2018, 07:12 AM
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Thanks guys. Lots of good advice. I was just getting confused with why that was happening. Makes sense now for sure.
Dw. I AM happy when I don’t drink. Sooo happy. But sad/angry when I do.
I love this website.
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Old 01-06-2018, 07:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Canuckleman45 View Post
I know I'm an alcoholic. Not denying that. My question is why is it so easy up until round day 5 or 6? Shouldn't it be hard up to Day 5 or 6 then start getting easier? I feel like I can tackle the world those first several days. Get so happy that I'm not drinking, everything is awesome. Then BAM. Its frustrating and saddens me. Like getting punched in the face.
It wasn't any easier for me after 5 days, or 10 days, or 20 days... honestly it took a good six months to even start to feel "easier" and easier is a relative word.
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Old 01-06-2018, 07:41 AM
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Hey teknik

Yeah, I can find it's actually a few days before I get cravings. It seems almost just when I start to feel good, then the cravings kick in. And I've been giving in to them for the last couple of years depsite knowing I can get past them.
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Old 01-06-2018, 07:49 AM
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can,

For me, staying sober is about suffering.

I suffered hardest in the beginning, now I am used to it, so I suffer less.

I relate it to running. Running one lap is easy, running 10 laps is hard.

After a while, I got used to running and now I can run farther.

Giving into the crave stops the suffering temporarily. Then it comes back...stronger.

I don't give into the crave, I become stronger.

I tell folks I quit drinking and many are very surprised. They can't believe I was able to do it. One guy said, that is very impressive.

I don't get into specifics, I just say it wasn't easy, but it is very nice now...usually.

When I quit, for the first 6 months to a year, I would have horrible suffering times.

Friday, holidays etc. Suffer. This last Xmas/New Year. Suffer.

But, not as bad as the last 2 years.

Thanks.
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Old 01-06-2018, 08:06 AM
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I was sorely disappointed to learn that being committed to sobriety didn't mean the urge to drink was gone forever.

I got over it.



Congrats on 5 days. Keep rocking it.
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Old 01-06-2018, 08:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Canuckleman45 View Post
My question is why is it so easy up until round day 5 or 6? Shouldn't it be hard up to Day 5 or 6 then start getting easier?
for me it was real easy early on. when the fog lifted and the misery lifted was when the mental obsession kicked in big time and i had to fight for my life.
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Old 01-06-2018, 08:40 AM
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I don't think there is a set in stone way to behave or feel at various points of sobriety. Everyone is different. My sobriety (one year) has not been linear at all... 1 step forward 3 back 9 forward etc. It's not a roller coaster...more like a ball of twine unravelling. I still struggle...it is the way life is right now. I don't do well with the "whys"... more about the "hows" for me. How to stay sober.
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Old 01-06-2018, 09:16 AM
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Day 5 was the worst for me too!!! Over and over! I tried to trick myself and skip counting straight to day 6. I knew it was an A/V attack but still would get me.

Honestly I white knuckled it finally. Probably with the help of ice cream.
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Old 01-06-2018, 10:48 AM
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Ice cream eh????? LOL.
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Old 01-06-2018, 12:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Canuckleman45 View Post
Ice cream eh????? LOL.
Oh yes, I ate a lot of ice cream in early sobriety! LOL. Very serious stuff sampling all Ben and Jerry's flavors! I didn't gain weight because it was about the same amt of calories I drank. Weight came off when the ice cream deal was over. I found a square.of very dark chocolate would help with urges.

Now I'm over a year! Yep, get past Day 5, you can do it!
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