Gabe1980

I love everyone's honesty here!

I hate myself. Always did.

I'm sleezy, touchy feely and inappropriate. I'm that person that always makes things smutty, dirty and full of innuendo then judged other people for not 'having a sense of humour'.

I was upredictable ( walked naked outside, woke up bleeding in a ditch etc) in a blackout but would then accuse others of trying to 'control me' if they said anything. I thought having no constraints on my behaviour was freedom.

I was a drunken arseh**e and Im sorry.

PalmerSage

Totally this.

shell77

Great post! Nice to remember for this newbie...

So loud and won't let anyone else talk
Slurred speech
Blackouts and knowing I acted inappropriately, but not knowing who I needed to apologize to.
MEAN especially to my husband
Embarrassment to myself and my kids.
Drunk facebooking!

Yeah I think I'll stay sober this weekend!

Verdantia

Carelessness towards myself and others. Careless treatment of my physical body, poisoning it and driving it insane--my behavior was the definition of psychotic. Becoming apathetic to every aspect of life--just plain not caring--begging for death, and doing lots of reckless things to help make it occur.
On Dec 23 thanks to lots of hard work, an excellent therapist, good friends and bandmates and the help of the caring SR community I had 2 years of blessed sobriety. When I graduated rehab my counselor there said he had never seen anyone so near death as when he met me--sobering by any definition. I mention this because if someone as far down as I was could get sober and have a decent, dignified and relatively happy life, you can too.
This is an excellent thread.

Gabe1980

Amazing! 😘

lola1987

I love your honesty in this post. Amazing 😀

Pulaski

I fell asleep. Anywhere, at home, pub, other peoples' houses, parties, weddings. I was the one slumped over the table. And then I never remembered anything.

I also lied about my drinking a lot - I'm otherwise an honest person so I really regret this.

Gabe1980

Thank you 😊

Habiscus

Being stupid, not talking just getting drunker to feel the alcohol. My sluttiness. Arguing with my boyfriend, yelling loud for the neighbors to hear. My disappointed children. My hangovers.

DontRemember

I did not care about anyone except myself. I'd manipulate and 'buy' my way out of the crap I put others through(including family),just to keep them around a bit longer(like a slave owner). I didn't care about them as actually people. To me,drunk,they were expendable and they'd still be here no matter what I did/said. Jesus! How insane! Needless to say... when I woke up from my blurred view on life and people, I was pretty alone.

resolute50

Alcohol is a love/hate relationship that slowly becomes all hate.
Some of the same things I hated about it I also liked.
This might seem kind of strange but sometimes it was good to "not care".
At least for a short time.
But, mostly the acting like I had a chip on my shoulder was probably the worst.
Complete change from my "real" self. Talk about Jeckle and Hyde.
Later on it was slowly remembering what happened the night before.
And then facing the same people only to" not care" again.
Very destructive lifestyle.

Silverback4

Relate a lot to this above and so much of what has already been said.
I became a "house drinker" for a long time 4 times a week average sometimes 5 or 6 nights of the week.

I was just a Weapons Grade F**k Trumpet when I drank.
I could be here for hours listing it out.

Outonthetiles

Great, honest posts. This is why I love SR, we can be honest with each other.

I was unreliable and I was living a double life. I hated it and I hated all the lying I was doing to maintain my secret drinking life. I hated being unpredictable, moody, quick to anger, irrational, jealous, petty, mean-spirited. I've posted this before, but one of my many low points was throwing my cell phone into a swimming pool during an argument with my then-girlfriend, now wife.


Before that, I treated a previous girlfriend inexcusably bad. I was emotionally unavailable, aloof, manipulative, selfish. I treated her and her family horribly. I was full of myself and my ego was out of control. I still feel terrible about it on a daily basis.

Lonewolf22

I think this is the most difficult thing about drink to everyone else we ARE held responsible for our actions but when you wake up from being drunk, it sure doesn't feel like it and sometimes we're picking up the pieces to things we can't even remember.

Gottalife

Could be the drunk me, but is also very similar to the sober me suffering from untreated alcoholism.

The drunk me gave me the bad memories, the sober me was recipe for such unhappiness that drinking was inevitable.

Snufkin

Love this thread.

Sometimes I think of stupid and ridiculous ways of hiding my drinking when my bf was around, and it just makes me cringe so bad... Like I would pretend I'm boiling water for tea, pour alcohol into the mug, put a teabag in it and pretend I'm drinking it like it's hot. Or if I needed to get more booze and my bf was home, I would throw away butter or bread or whatever, so I had a 'legit' excuse to go to the shop because we 'ran out of something'. Or trying to open bottles as quietly as possible so he couldn't hear, in a bathroom with shower running etc

Yup, all the lies + being unpredictable emotional mess, crying, shouting, arguing... I don't miss that.

entropy1964

I'm bat shlit crazy.

MindfulMan

Breathing.

JustTony

I ate junk

I talked c**p

I was over emotional (ranged from crying to fighting)

I was slobbish

I had no fear (I was dangerous to myself and others)

I was quick tempered

I hated myself with a passion

I often thought about killing myself