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Old 01-04-2018, 09:31 AM
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Many times

when I post, I describe something Iím going through during my recovery and Iíve had others tell me the feelings Iím having are not unheard of. Somehow this helps me, to realize Iím not unique. Well, approaching 30 days I had a bout of self-loathing this morning. Could be a withdrawal symptom- biophysical- but Iím also thinking that Iíve stopped lying to myself since Iíve decided to quit, and itís just something Iím facing emotion-wise. Iím a selfish person yep but I am not totally that way. I guess Iím just hiding from nothing now. Itís probably a good thing but it hurts like hell. Redemption? Yeah, thatís what Iím seeking, and I can see it on that olí horizon. Subconsciously, this may be a reason I never stopped drinking before this time. I betcha I was dreading this self-analyzation.
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Old 01-04-2018, 10:47 AM
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Yeah, I relate. I know when I'm drinking I'm creating so much drama and havoc around my drinking that there's little time to think of anything else. Then I get sober, go through the 6 month pink cloud, then slowly reality starts to creep back in. Oh and btw the pink can last 6 months, 6 weeks, 6 days or none at (frankly I think none at all is far better....nothing like hitting the hard pavement after thinking "OMG isn't recovery amazing?"). But yeah, the brain starts to heal...memories come back, or stuff I haven't even thought about in years that still troubles me...etc etc. And yeah, can't hide. But I can remind myself, the past is the past. I can look at it, but don't stare. Today is all I have. And there is no better way to feel good than to do good. So just for today, I do the next right thing! And all feelings pass. You're doing great.
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Old 01-04-2018, 11:06 AM
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Thanks. That helped put it in perspective for me.
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Old 01-04-2018, 02:10 PM
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Recovery's a process...it takes a little time and may not always been in a completely straight line.

I had decades of 'stuff' to process for example...

From what I've read you're doing great Rodney

D
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Old 01-04-2018, 05:56 PM
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This is my first real go besides when Iíve been pregnant and just donít drink then because I really canít, or something like that. Iím not sure what causes me to drink. When Iím pregnant Iím so focused on the life Iím growing inside me and all the aspects of anticipation of a new baby, so I havenít really ever had to face the why. Is there a way to look into that in a good and constructive way? Iíve been a little nervous of what Iíd find, my drinking in my mind has always been a boredom thing or a take the edge off but From what Iíve heard about alcoholism itís usually more than that.
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