Many times
 

when I post, I describe something I’m going through during my recovery and I’ve had others tell me the feelings I’m having are not unheard of. Somehow this helps me, to realize I’m not unique. Well, approaching 30 days I had a bout of self-loathing this morning. Could be a withdrawal symptom- biophysical- but I’m also thinking that I’ve stopped lying to myself since I’ve decided to quit, and it’s just something I’m facing emotion-wise. I’m a selfish person yep but I am not totally that way. I guess I’m just hiding from nothing now. It’s probably a good thing but it hurts like hell. Redemption? Yeah, that’s what I’m seeking, and I can see it on that ol’ horizon. Subconsciously, this may be a reason I never stopped drinking before this time. I betcha I was dreading this self-analyzation.

Yeah, I relate. I know when I'm drinking I'm creating so much drama and havoc around my drinking that there's little time to think of anything else. Then I get sober, go through the 6 month pink cloud, then slowly reality starts to creep back in. Oh and btw the pink can last 6 months, 6 weeks, 6 days or none at (frankly I think none at all is far better....nothing like hitting the hard pavement after thinking "OMG isn't recovery amazing?"). But yeah, the brain starts to heal...memories come back, or stuff I haven't even thought about in years that still troubles me...etc etc. And yeah, can't hide. But I can remind myself, the past is the past. I can look at it, but don't stare. Today is all I have. And there is no better way to feel good than to do good. So just for today, I do the next right thing! And all feelings pass. You're doing great.

Thanks. That helped put it in perspective for me.

Recovery's a process...it takes a little time and may not always been in a completely straight line.

I had decades of 'stuff' to process for example...

From what I've read you're doing great Rodney :)

D

This is my first real go besides when I’ve been pregnant and just don’t drink then because I really can’t, or something like that. I’m not sure what causes me to drink. When I’m pregnant I’m so focused on the life I’m growing inside me and all the aspects of anticipation of a new baby, so I haven’t really ever had to face the why. Is there a way to look into that in a good and constructive way? I’ve been a little nervous of what I’d find, my drinking in my mind has always been a boredom thing or a take the edge off but From what I’ve heard about alcoholism it’s usually more than that.