I think I am going to need help after all
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
I think I am going to need help after all
Hello,
I have been lurking on this site for a long time. I am on day 10.
I have been active in AA. Unfortunately I have no car/job pretty much made myself unemployable the last year. I am at my Mom's currently and I want to take this time not working to get some sober time and feel well. . Today is the first day that the weather has been above 20 degrees. The sun is brilliant and I decided to walk to the nail salon. Cravings hit hard and fast. I am having a conversation with myself that I should walk up to the bar/restaurant and have "two" glasses of wine. I am telling myself that I am "off" work (because I am unemployable) and need to take advantage of this not working time and drink. There would be no doubt after the wine vodka would make an appearance holed up in my room solo for the rest of the evening. I can not believe I stuck it out-I never not give in and push through. I really felt like I was neglecting myself by not relaxing with wine and enjoying the day out. I have been cooped up bored to death. Also at my Mom's my boyfriend of 11 years kicked me out of the Townhouse...I just feel lost.
The other famous rationalization that gets me every time is its only x day- whats one more day putting off my sobriety? I am in ruins over my drinking. I am just grateful that I made it through. I thought of this board. I went right to the salon . Then went to a take out place and had a huge grilled chicken salad. Home with a hot bath and now I am posting. I am just so defeated, sad , and upset with all I gave away for alcohol. Now I am posting and will be keeping this site close. I am grateful that I did not drink. I am in for the day/night now. Drinking plenty of water.
Love these boards.
I have been lurking on this site for a long time. I am on day 10.
I have been active in AA. Unfortunately I have no car/job pretty much made myself unemployable the last year. I am at my Mom's currently and I want to take this time not working to get some sober time and feel well. . Today is the first day that the weather has been above 20 degrees. The sun is brilliant and I decided to walk to the nail salon. Cravings hit hard and fast. I am having a conversation with myself that I should walk up to the bar/restaurant and have "two" glasses of wine. I am telling myself that I am "off" work (because I am unemployable) and need to take advantage of this not working time and drink. There would be no doubt after the wine vodka would make an appearance holed up in my room solo for the rest of the evening. I can not believe I stuck it out-I never not give in and push through. I really felt like I was neglecting myself by not relaxing with wine and enjoying the day out. I have been cooped up bored to death. Also at my Mom's my boyfriend of 11 years kicked me out of the Townhouse...I just feel lost.
The other famous rationalization that gets me every time is its only x day- whats one more day putting off my sobriety? I am in ruins over my drinking. I am just grateful that I made it through. I thought of this board. I went right to the salon . Then went to a take out place and had a huge grilled chicken salad. Home with a hot bath and now I am posting. I am just so defeated, sad , and upset with all I gave away for alcohol. Now I am posting and will be keeping this site close. I am grateful that I did not drink. I am in for the day/night now. Drinking plenty of water.
Love these boards.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 449
Ah, sounds like you are doing really well. I'm in the early stages of stopping drinking again too, unemployed and cooped up in a room lol
Hopefully once we stop the drinking we can start doing more fun stuff with our free time and not feel like we need a drink. I definitely want to get the backpack and do about roaming, though it's pretty cold over here in the UK now so best waiting lol
Good Luck
Hopefully once we stop the drinking we can start doing more fun stuff with our free time and not feel like we need a drink. I definitely want to get the backpack and do about roaming, though it's pretty cold over here in the UK now so best waiting lol
Good Luck
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Welcome Faith. the good news is that the cravings do weaken over time. You did fantastically well not to drink today. Good for you. Staying sober over time will give you a chance to sort out all the other 'life stuff'. For now make staying sober your focus. I look forward to reading your posts.
DS
DS
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Thank you all for the warm wishes and nice replies.
I really appreciate it. I have been reading "faithfully" the last 10 days and I knew if I could just make it home without drinking I would register and post. I really want to do this for myself. I want to feel good. I even thought who is going to know. (another lie because inevitably its pretty evident) anyhow I said to myself I will know. Thank you again. Nice to know I am not alone. (((lonewolf))) Thank you for the support. I think if I check in daily I will feel more accountable in the beginning.
I really appreciate it. I have been reading "faithfully" the last 10 days and I knew if I could just make it home without drinking I would register and post. I really want to do this for myself. I want to feel good. I even thought who is going to know. (another lie because inevitably its pretty evident) anyhow I said to myself I will know. Thank you again. Nice to know I am not alone. (((lonewolf))) Thank you for the support. I think if I check in daily I will feel more accountable in the beginning.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Welcome, faith! Great job on resisting those urges, and I'm glad you found this wonderful place. SR has been instrumental in my getting and staying sober. Joining the January class would be a good thing for you, and definitely check in every day; there are many people here who really care and can offer their experience, strength and hope. Wishing you a wonderful sober new year.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
Early sobriety was very hard. I counted hours instead of day.
Keep working your recovery program one day, or hour, at a time.
Eventually, it will get better. The unit of time I now use to keep track of my sobriety, is years. I find that pretty amazing.
Keep working your recovery program one day, or hour, at a time.
Eventually, it will get better. The unit of time I now use to keep track of my sobriety, is years. I find that pretty amazing.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Good job, Faith - you made it over a dangerous hurdle. Things will get so much easier - but it's hard to see that in the early days. Be proud of yourself for not caving. We're so glad you're here to talk things over with us. SR gave me the courage to change my life - I've never felt alone after joining.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Thank you all for the inspiration and wisdom. I can safely say my head
is hitting the pillow sober tonight. I read on these boards that this has
to be my only accomplishment in the early days. I am very grateful for all the replies and I had this board to look forward to when I got home from my outing today. I wish everyone a nice evening and great night sleep.
is hitting the pillow sober tonight. I read on these boards that this has
to be my only accomplishment in the early days. I am very grateful for all the replies and I had this board to look forward to when I got home from my outing today. I wish everyone a nice evening and great night sleep.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
When I first started drinking I couldn't see how anyone could drive long distances without getting exausted or killing someone. Every year change, every manoeuvre, trying to tear my eyes from what was in front to me to check my mirrors - get. It all seemed counter-intuitive and complicated.
Twenty years later learning to live in sobriety was the same. Having to think about every little things, and not do the one thing my addiction kept calling me to do was exhausting at first.
Nowadays with my driving and my sobriety there is no need to over think things usually. Perhaps in a new vehicle, or bad traffic or tricky road conditions, or for drinking, when in a new social situation or when some more dramatic and triggering life event comes up I have to get back to very conscious / focussed driving or sobriety. But for the most part it is comfortable and as long as I maintain my vehicle and my recovery things are manageable for longer distances.
You say you've been active in AA. Is that a past tense thing? I just wondered if there was some reason for not calling your sponsor or another member yesterday? It might be worth ramping up that involvement.
Glad you're still here and still determined to have a life of sobriety.
BB
Twenty years later learning to live in sobriety was the same. Having to think about every little things, and not do the one thing my addiction kept calling me to do was exhausting at first.
Nowadays with my driving and my sobriety there is no need to over think things usually. Perhaps in a new vehicle, or bad traffic or tricky road conditions, or for drinking, when in a new social situation or when some more dramatic and triggering life event comes up I have to get back to very conscious / focussed driving or sobriety. But for the most part it is comfortable and as long as I maintain my vehicle and my recovery things are manageable for longer distances.
You say you've been active in AA. Is that a past tense thing? I just wondered if there was some reason for not calling your sponsor or another member yesterday? It might be worth ramping up that involvement.
Glad you're still here and still determined to have a life of sobriety.
BB
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