The First 60
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 1
The First 60
Here I am, almost 60 days clean and living sober. I had one relapse in treatment and that is what spoke to me that I needed to go to meetings. I have some questions about the first days in recovery. Does the confusion end? Do the steps really end confusion? How and when can you choose to forgive yourself?
The more I dive into my fourth step the more I begin to have clarity in who I am; I don't like it. I'm sure no one does but I can only speak for myself. I have give or take 120 resentments to work through and many seem meaningless or are the same as ones before. Most, if not all, have to do with envy. Are you able, or will I be able, to let go absolutely? To forgive myself and others of the feelings I have felt, and the pain it has left me to endure? At this stage in my recovery, I feel lost. I value the steps for giving me direction, yet it doesn't seem like enough right now. Meetings every day, a sponsor, and devotion to the steps. What else can I do? How can I find more clarity or will it just come with time?
The more I dive into my fourth step the more I begin to have clarity in who I am; I don't like it. I'm sure no one does but I can only speak for myself. I have give or take 120 resentments to work through and many seem meaningless or are the same as ones before. Most, if not all, have to do with envy. Are you able, or will I be able, to let go absolutely? To forgive myself and others of the feelings I have felt, and the pain it has left me to endure? At this stage in my recovery, I feel lost. I value the steps for giving me direction, yet it doesn't seem like enough right now. Meetings every day, a sponsor, and devotion to the steps. What else can I do? How can I find more clarity or will it just come with time?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Hi, and welcome. 
I'd say try to get past 4,5,6,7 as quickly as you can. Not the place to dwell.
Yes, peace will come. Maybe give your sponsor a call. 4th Step is intense.
Hang on, just take it a day at a time...and yeah, emotions are a roller coaster at the two month point. Be gentle with yourself, it will get a lot better in a few months.
I'd say try to get past 4,5,6,7 as quickly as you can. Not the place to dwell.
Yes, peace will come. Maybe give your sponsor a call. 4th Step is intense.
Hang on, just take it a day at a time...and yeah, emotions are a roller coaster at the two month point. Be gentle with yourself, it will get a lot better in a few months.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,424
Hi and welcome Tautsie.
Never done AA so I can't answer your questions - but I know you'll find support here
I read and post here daily - helps keep my recovery 'green' as they say
look forward to seeing you around some more
D
Never done AA so I can't answer your questions - but I know you'll find support here
I read and post here daily - helps keep my recovery 'green' as they say
look forward to seeing you around some more
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 328
Welcome and thanks for your post.
Everything calms down with a little time.
I am not that far ahead of you in sober time, I would say my racing thoughts and concerns have only just calmed down approaching the 4 month mark.
Not gone but calmed significantly from the 2 month mark.
I wiser person than me advised that the steps are not a race, but I totally get the advice above to not linger unnecessarily on the most painful parts of the programme.
Finding the balance that’s right for you is the most important thing and you will.
All the best
Everything calms down with a little time.
I am not that far ahead of you in sober time, I would say my racing thoughts and concerns have only just calmed down approaching the 4 month mark.
Not gone but calmed significantly from the 2 month mark.
I wiser person than me advised that the steps are not a race, but I totally get the advice above to not linger unnecessarily on the most painful parts of the programme.
Finding the balance that’s right for you is the most important thing and you will.
All the best
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Welcome!
These are all great things to discuss with your sponsor (you have one? Working the steps by oneself is a tougher road than we have to take, IMO) and listening to what those who have what you want (peace, etc) say in meetings (you are going? Crucial for me, especially as I worked the steps and during my first year, and now in my growing recovery at 22+ mo).
IME, time takes time as the saying goes - my mind cleared as time went by, I understood more, could digest then address things like my resentments, and keep progressing to a better (and better and better) place.
Keep going.
These are all great things to discuss with your sponsor (you have one? Working the steps by oneself is a tougher road than we have to take, IMO) and listening to what those who have what you want (peace, etc) say in meetings (you are going? Crucial for me, especially as I worked the steps and during my first year, and now in my growing recovery at 22+ mo).
IME, time takes time as the saying goes - my mind cleared as time went by, I understood more, could digest then address things like my resentments, and keep progressing to a better (and better and better) place.
Keep going.
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