I'm going to inpatient rehab
 

I might be served divorce papers while there and my husband isn't on board because of the cost, but my parents are putting up the money so I can go. I drank last night after many days sober after a huge fight with my husband and called treatment places as I was drinking. I'm waiting on insurance to go through and hope to head there by the end of the week as I have to put a few things in order first.

It is my decision to go because I'm afraid of killing myself. I already have no job, am losing my spouse and probably custody of my child or at least limited visitation. I'm scared to death but in a way actually relieved. I just want a reprieve from this toxic cycle. It will be the hardest thing I ever do and I'm afraid it won't work, but I have to try. It is either get healthy or kill myself, which I have thought about tons of time. I refuse to slowly sink further into this despair and would rather end it than suffer for years trying to get sober. So I'm giving this a shot. No internet, no phone, etc for 30 days and hopefully regaining my life, at least what is left of it. I'm 37 years old. I need to find the strength and tools to live again.

Good for you Babescake :hug:
It's a really good decision, getting yourself some distance from drinking and get to working on your recovery without the stress of the outside world (in many ways)
I hope, that you will be ok, I have faith that you will be and I hope you can find some peace and strength in all this. Think positively about the rest, and see if you can speak to one of the counselors there about your concerns and fears and how best to deal and cope with them.
:grouphug:

I hope rehab helps you learn to live a sober life. :hug: It involves a lot of changes, and hard work, but it's so worth the effort. :)

I think that this is an excellent decision--I wish you every success BC

Your parents are clearly in your corner its good to have that support. I've seen lots of positive outcomes from others on here who've done inpatient. Good thoughts and prayers for you and your journey.

Good decision Babescake! The world spins so damn fast and it doesn't slow down for us to try to get our addictions under control. For me, inpatient gave me a couple of weeks to step away from it all and focus solely on myself. I haven't had a drink since I checked in. You can do it too. But it's not up to the rehab center to get you well - it's up to you. Take advantage of every minute you have in that place and you will save your life.

Babes - we are all behind you - and we'll be here when you get back. It's a brave thing you're doing - you'll learn to live in a new way. Be proud of yourself for making this big decision & sticking with it.

Babes,

This addiction is a monster.

Great job on fighting it head on.

I got physically clean 99.9% and now am struggling with the mental.

Being under the influence progressed to the point where I needed to drink at least every 10 days or so...otherwise I would enter a state of mental stress I hated.

Long story short...now clean...I am having to relearn how to manage stress. As I healed the world seemed to move too fast.

I am still healing and along the way...the booze is there.

Today my wife as step son decided to have wine with lunch.

My wife drank last night too.

In my mind I can already see the addicted nature of booze slowly taking hold.

Her eyes were dull and she is already planning on finishing the bottle soon because...it will go bad.

She knows the deal, but she thinks she is above it.

If she continues to drink I will continue to remind her she is getting more and more addicted with each drink.

Thanks.

Babes: I know this is very frightening. I've been right where you are. Been there, done that. I came near dying. And don't forget aftercare. You can start climbing the tall mountain of recovery. Some do it alone but I always say that it's safer to do it with companions. It gets easier and easier. This year I hope to be 30 years sober. Don't have any cravings. Never think about it. Lots of challenges. But never think about it. Companions and a good doctor. You can do this. If you can't access the internet when you're there then please check in with us when you get out. Aftercare, companions and a good doc! Good luck! We'll be thinking of you the whole time!

Bill

That sounds like a good plan for you.

Thank you everybody. I don't have a very large support group at all, but those I do have are near saints.

Great decision...Keep an open mind. Embrace the whole concept and jump in with both feet. You will only get back what you put into it. I did me wonders, I was also thinking of ending it all. Now after several years....I have it all.

Rehab can be an amazing experience. Best wishes to you on your journey!

I must say even making the decision has been very freeing. Terrifying? Absolutely. But knowing I'm not going to have to struggle every moment of every day is a blessing. I figure feeling my feelings without a buffer can't be any worse than the shame and guilt and utter hopelessness I feel from this addiction. I want to embrace the opportunity and gain my life back. And I want to give my son his mom back and my parents their daughter back. But mostly I want to gain me back. I want to have the life I deserve. One full of peace and happiness and the power to love myself again.

One thing that sticks out is the doctors or whoever will say "Well we have time" Your emotions and your need to "Fix things now" may be strong but feelings are not facts. You are 37 and if you day in and day out don't use things work themselves out. I was not happy when people would say that I have time to recover because I was so far away from my dreams, but I can promise you the way to live a great life is to take it easy and just focus on what is right in front of you. Start studying now what works and what does and a key skill in life is not to spend energy on stuff you can't fix right now. Do your best to be honest and you will have to forgive people if they are upset with you. There maybe lots of days were the best you can do is not drink or the best thing you can do start again (if you relapse). Also don't take anything lightly but do your best to laugh or work in ways of coping. No matter how serious the situation I know I can get by if I can laugh or make fun of myself. That is just how I get by. I know after so many suicides and overdoses that just getting by is huge.

Even tho it must be scary, I'm really glad for you babescake - sounds like a good way forward.

D

This sounds like a great plan, and I am really proud of you for making this decision. It is wonderful that your parents are so supportive. I'm looking forward to hearing about your program once you are finished.

Babescake - I am rooting for you.

Your posts are full of determination, emotion and sincerity. One cannot be moved with any other reaction than wanting the absolute best for you.

PS - Your parents are amazing. You must be proud of them and their support so much.

Regards,

JT

I wasn’t scared when I started rehab, I was too much of an incoherent hot mess to think rationally about much of anything. Plus it goes by pretty quickly.

It’s a fantastic way to start your sober journey. Just use everything at your disposal while there, and emerge with a clear plan for continuing care.

You’ll be great! You should be excited, not scared!

What kind of rehab have you chosen to go to?