Active use
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 4
Active use
Hello everyone,
I am new to this site and was reading a story very very very similar to mine. Only the drug of choice was much harder. I saw the advice given and thought maybe I should try to because I’m not alone right?
Here’s my story.
I am a 26 year old female and my boyfriend is 38. I’m hard working and love being out with my boyfriend. We always have a great time together.
At the time I met my boyfriend; I was currently working at a rehab center for drug and alcohol addiction, he was actually a client. I was walking into work and he had stopped me and gave me all kinds of wonderful compliments, telling me how beautiful, he couldn’t understand why I was single?! One night I stepped toe to toe with him (mind you he’s 6’3’’ and 220) and told him a lot about him self. I have this gift where I can instantly tell when they are broken inside with out they saying a word, and pretty much pin point what the issues are. Anyway, we had the best conversation in the world, he seemed really genunine. He graduated rehab, and we began dating. Before I knew it I was living with him.
Everything was great, we went out, he was working, had his truck back, he had the world in his hands. Around thanksgiving time 2016, I started to notice that he was acting strangely different, wouldn’t return calls and if he did he had some eleborate story as to why he was not around. Then thanksgiving day I found him actively using heroin, in the bathroom, he tried desperately to hide it, I then flushed his drugs down the toilet, and proceeded to go to my parents for the day. That’s when things began to spiral out of control. The minute he knew I saw him he didn’t pick up heroin again until after Christmas 2016.
So here we are in 2017, January, he told me we were going out to dinner but he needed to make a “quick stop” so I agreed not knowing where I would be going. He took me to the most awful places. I told him I no longer wanted dinner and was not hungry and wanted to go home. He purchased heroin from his dealer, and began injecting it at home. I cried and said this is my fault I took him here. After he was done, we fought violently, he stole my car and I’m not sure where he took it but pretty good idea. The cops were called and he was taken to jail for grand theft auto. His mother then passed away, he came home from jail the day of his mother’s wake, everything seemed fine, Until 2 weeks later.
I had just come home from work, he too had also come home from work, I had no idea he had heroin on him. He said he was going to take a shower and we would watch a movie, ok cool I cook dinner and everything will be fine. I was sitting on the couch and I heard a loud thump on the ceiling. I called his name and no answer. I rushed to the bathroom to find him blue in the face. I did CPR on him until the ambulance came which took 10 minutes. He was taken to the hospital after being hit with naloxone twice.
Hospital checked out and he was free to leave. He slept for 3 days at that point. I was getting furious and fighting with him to a point that I walked out. I came back home after a couple of days and numerous phone calls and texts begging me to come back. I did. He still continued to use up until the family and I put him on a plane to Florida. Behind his back I was calling numerous rehabs and detox centers for him to get help. One rehab for back to me and before I knew it he was leaving for Florida. My parents were involved at the end. Telling me how worthless and useless he is, he’ll never amount to anything: ya’know things parents say when they don’t want to see their kid screw up their lives.
He left for Florida in August 2017, came back home after 30 days in September. Again, everything was fine until I started finding heroin baggies, needle caps, everything an addict needs for his habit. He’s telling me he found this stuff out side and wanted to throw it away, I don’t buy any of it anymore. My parents are threatening me it’s him or us?! I can’t choose!
I love this person with all my heart, but I don’t know if he’s really clean or if he’s using. The signs point to him using, but his personality says otherwise? How can I get him help? How do I approach him in a manner that will not get him fired up and ready to walk out and leave? Help me?!?
I am new to this site and was reading a story very very very similar to mine. Only the drug of choice was much harder. I saw the advice given and thought maybe I should try to because I’m not alone right?
Here’s my story.
I am a 26 year old female and my boyfriend is 38. I’m hard working and love being out with my boyfriend. We always have a great time together.
At the time I met my boyfriend; I was currently working at a rehab center for drug and alcohol addiction, he was actually a client. I was walking into work and he had stopped me and gave me all kinds of wonderful compliments, telling me how beautiful, he couldn’t understand why I was single?! One night I stepped toe to toe with him (mind you he’s 6’3’’ and 220) and told him a lot about him self. I have this gift where I can instantly tell when they are broken inside with out they saying a word, and pretty much pin point what the issues are. Anyway, we had the best conversation in the world, he seemed really genunine. He graduated rehab, and we began dating. Before I knew it I was living with him.
Everything was great, we went out, he was working, had his truck back, he had the world in his hands. Around thanksgiving time 2016, I started to notice that he was acting strangely different, wouldn’t return calls and if he did he had some eleborate story as to why he was not around. Then thanksgiving day I found him actively using heroin, in the bathroom, he tried desperately to hide it, I then flushed his drugs down the toilet, and proceeded to go to my parents for the day. That’s when things began to spiral out of control. The minute he knew I saw him he didn’t pick up heroin again until after Christmas 2016.
So here we are in 2017, January, he told me we were going out to dinner but he needed to make a “quick stop” so I agreed not knowing where I would be going. He took me to the most awful places. I told him I no longer wanted dinner and was not hungry and wanted to go home. He purchased heroin from his dealer, and began injecting it at home. I cried and said this is my fault I took him here. After he was done, we fought violently, he stole my car and I’m not sure where he took it but pretty good idea. The cops were called and he was taken to jail for grand theft auto. His mother then passed away, he came home from jail the day of his mother’s wake, everything seemed fine, Until 2 weeks later.
I had just come home from work, he too had also come home from work, I had no idea he had heroin on him. He said he was going to take a shower and we would watch a movie, ok cool I cook dinner and everything will be fine. I was sitting on the couch and I heard a loud thump on the ceiling. I called his name and no answer. I rushed to the bathroom to find him blue in the face. I did CPR on him until the ambulance came which took 10 minutes. He was taken to the hospital after being hit with naloxone twice.
Hospital checked out and he was free to leave. He slept for 3 days at that point. I was getting furious and fighting with him to a point that I walked out. I came back home after a couple of days and numerous phone calls and texts begging me to come back. I did. He still continued to use up until the family and I put him on a plane to Florida. Behind his back I was calling numerous rehabs and detox centers for him to get help. One rehab for back to me and before I knew it he was leaving for Florida. My parents were involved at the end. Telling me how worthless and useless he is, he’ll never amount to anything: ya’know things parents say when they don’t want to see their kid screw up their lives.
He left for Florida in August 2017, came back home after 30 days in September. Again, everything was fine until I started finding heroin baggies, needle caps, everything an addict needs for his habit. He’s telling me he found this stuff out side and wanted to throw it away, I don’t buy any of it anymore. My parents are threatening me it’s him or us?! I can’t choose!
I love this person with all my heart, but I don’t know if he’s really clean or if he’s using. The signs point to him using, but his personality says otherwise? How can I get him help? How do I approach him in a manner that will not get him fired up and ready to walk out and leave? Help me?!?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
I'm so sorry for your situation.
You know what you have to do for the sake of your life and your sanity.
You need to leave him and leave now. There is absolutely no other sensible choice that you have open to you.
I'm sorry.
Tony
You know what you have to do for the sake of your life and your sanity.
You need to leave him and leave now. There is absolutely no other sensible choice that you have open to you.
I'm sorry.
Tony
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Sorry to hear about your situation. It will be painful if you leave now but if you don't things will get far, far worse. If you can get support from your family please do that and cut all ties this man. He sounds like an active addict and he will bring you down with him.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, countessdani..
Welcome to SR.
I’m very sorry for your situation.
Time to leave, I think.
There’s a saying round here: “Let go or be dragged.”
Seems appropriate.
Good thoughts and good luck.
Welcome to SR.
I’m very sorry for your situation.
Time to leave, I think.
There’s a saying round here: “Let go or be dragged.”
Seems appropriate.
Good thoughts and good luck.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 634
I am so sorry for your situation, it truly made me sad to read. I think the others are right I'm afraid, but I am no expert on this. Have you tried the friends & family area on this forum?
Take care of YOU. Xx
Take care of YOU. Xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
told him a lot about him self. I have this gift where I can instantly tell when they are broken inside with out they saying a word
considering he was a client IN rehab, that shouldn't have been too hard??? he is not yet ready to commit to a fully sober life. rehab didn't do it, moving it together didn't do it, going to jail for stealing from you didn't do it, going BACK to rehab didn't do it. sometimes we have to look at the cold hard facts and ACCEPT that things are not as WE wish them to be. they just ARE....and sometimes that hurts.
considering he was a client IN rehab, that shouldn't have been too hard??? he is not yet ready to commit to a fully sober life. rehab didn't do it, moving it together didn't do it, going to jail for stealing from you didn't do it, going BACK to rehab didn't do it. sometimes we have to look at the cold hard facts and ACCEPT that things are not as WE wish them to be. they just ARE....and sometimes that hurts.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 342
Hi Cdnani
I'm an alcoholic sex addict chemically addicted same as heroin but behavioural.
I can see myself in your boyfriend big time.
I have treated lovely women in my life who have known me helped me and loved me really badly as well as exceptionally well.
I don't give advice but I can share my experience and it's not good I'm afraid.
For me as an addict to make a decision to put clean sober recovery first I have had to be totally alone on an intimate level basically pretty much destroyed all the good things. That's Me!
The inconsistencies the lies the arguments the blah blah blahs from your boyfriends behaviour mirror me.
I'm coming clean I have only just joined here I am on my first day of sobering up
But I have years of clean time/relapse behind me.
And I'm worn out!
So I'm trying to change my action plan
By joining SR coupled with my step work I'm optimistic my addiction is £1000 A week now no BS. Some folk question S Addiction having opinions based on experiences they've never had!
Heroin crack meth sex alcohol whatever if someone's addicted they're addicted!
I hurt people I love when I'm sick
I love them when I'm clean and sober but I need strong boundaries with them as they do with me otherwise someone is heading for an early grave!
Be brave
Follow your gut
Best wishes to you.
Ghoster.
I'm an alcoholic sex addict chemically addicted same as heroin but behavioural.
I can see myself in your boyfriend big time.
I have treated lovely women in my life who have known me helped me and loved me really badly as well as exceptionally well.
I don't give advice but I can share my experience and it's not good I'm afraid.
For me as an addict to make a decision to put clean sober recovery first I have had to be totally alone on an intimate level basically pretty much destroyed all the good things. That's Me!
The inconsistencies the lies the arguments the blah blah blahs from your boyfriends behaviour mirror me.
I'm coming clean I have only just joined here I am on my first day of sobering up
But I have years of clean time/relapse behind me.
And I'm worn out!
So I'm trying to change my action plan
By joining SR coupled with my step work I'm optimistic my addiction is £1000 A week now no BS. Some folk question S Addiction having opinions based on experiences they've never had!
Heroin crack meth sex alcohol whatever if someone's addicted they're addicted!
I hurt people I love when I'm sick
I love them when I'm clean and sober but I need strong boundaries with them as they do with me otherwise someone is heading for an early grave!
Be brave
Follow your gut
Best wishes to you.
Ghoster.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
You picked up a heroin addict who’s 12 years older at a rehab center...and now you’re wondering if he’s a heroin addict?
He’s using. Even if he isn’t, with everything that’s happened...the fights, stealing your car, overdosing...why are you still involved with him?
As for this...”I can instantly tell whete they are broken inside”...honey, you really can’t or you wouldn’t be asking if he’s still using., yes?
Your parents are right. You’re only 26. Don’t waste your life trying to make this guy into something that he isn’t.
He’s using. Even if he isn’t, with everything that’s happened...the fights, stealing your car, overdosing...why are you still involved with him?
As for this...”I can instantly tell whete they are broken inside”...honey, you really can’t or you wouldn’t be asking if he’s still using., yes?
Your parents are right. You’re only 26. Don’t waste your life trying to make this guy into something that he isn’t.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Time to let him get on with his recovery without distractions perhaps.
It might also be worth reading up on some of the codie recovery stickies here so next time you can go into a relationship with someone who doesn't need fixing.
Are you still working at the rehab? If so, please take care to keep a professional distance from the people you're there to support, no matter how flattering they are. I'm sure you're aware that relationships in early recovery really are quite dangerous to someone's recovery. They've gone there to focus on recovery without distractions. Sure, they're likely to seek distractions out of habit, but the staff / carers should be reinforcing the boundaries.
BB
It might also be worth reading up on some of the codie recovery stickies here so next time you can go into a relationship with someone who doesn't need fixing.
Are you still working at the rehab? If so, please take care to keep a professional distance from the people you're there to support, no matter how flattering they are. I'm sure you're aware that relationships in early recovery really are quite dangerous to someone's recovery. They've gone there to focus on recovery without distractions. Sure, they're likely to seek distractions out of habit, but the staff / carers should be reinforcing the boundaries.
BB
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Dani,
In the cartoons when the character runs so fast they leave a smoke outline of themselves, that should be you. You might want to seek counseling for codependency. It might help to put your situation into perspective.
Good luck
In the cartoons when the character runs so fast they leave a smoke outline of themselves, that should be you. You might want to seek counseling for codependency. It might help to put your situation into perspective.
Good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 4
Thank you for all the comments. I’ve made a decision to worry about me and not him. It’s sad how addiction takes over everyone involved. These reply’s have helped me make a decision that was hard. Hopefully he understands what he’s doing to himself and really gets the help he needs. And makes amends with the people he’s hurt in the future.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
Originally Posted by countessdani 
Thank you for all the comments. I’ve made a decision to worry about me and not him. It’s sad how addiction takes over everyone involved. These reply’s have helped me make a decision that was hard. Hopefully he understands what he’s doing to himself and really gets the help he needs. And makes amends with the people he’s hurt in the future.
Because you deserve it,
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Great news CountessDani!
Take care of yourself first always. Without a healthy and happy self, you can't expect others to be happy with you. Please don't regret leaving him. You did more than enough to help him. Don't let the "what if's" cloud your mind. You got him into rehab, you stood by his side through so many awful situations. You didn't fail him, he chose drugs. Some day I pray he gets sobriety. He won't get sobriety with you around, that ship sailed and the relationship turned to what it is now.
Good luck Countessdani
Take care of yourself first always. Without a healthy and happy self, you can't expect others to be happy with you. Please don't regret leaving him. You did more than enough to help him. Don't let the "what if's" cloud your mind. You got him into rehab, you stood by his side through so many awful situations. You didn't fail him, he chose drugs. Some day I pray he gets sobriety. He won't get sobriety with you around, that ship sailed and the relationship turned to what it is now.
Good luck Countessdani
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
I have this gift where I can instantly tell when they are broken inside with out they saying a word, and pretty much pin point what the issues are.
if that truly was true, then this
but I don’t know if he’s really clean or if he’s using. The signs point to him using, but his personality says otherwise?
would already be known.
i hope ya work on you now,one part learning why you would even consider a relationship with someone in rehab(especially when you were working there) because his words SOUNDED genuine.
if that truly was true, then this
but I don’t know if he’s really clean or if he’s using. The signs point to him using, but his personality says otherwise?
would already be known.
i hope ya work on you now,one part learning why you would even consider a relationship with someone in rehab(especially when you were working there) because his words SOUNDED genuine.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
You sound to me like someone that tries to save people.
I might be wrong on that tho.
Looks like you're taking care of yourself first. BRAVO!
You might love this person with all your heart. Unfortunately for now that person isn't there, and when you look into his eyes you're really seeing a needle and a baggie.
Thanks for sharing with us.
I might be wrong on that tho.
Looks like you're taking care of yourself first. BRAVO!
You might love this person with all your heart. Unfortunately for now that person isn't there, and when you look into his eyes you're really seeing a needle and a baggie.
Thanks for sharing with us.
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