Delilah1

Gabe,

Have you ever looked into mindfulness? There are some good apps, or you tube videos around the topic, it is another thing that has helped me in recovery.

It really does get easier, stick close by today.

❤️Delilah

Gabe1980

I've done a bit of meditation and that really helps. I need to look into it more along with mindfulness techniques. I'm just rubbish at using them when I really need them!

I don't deal with stress well or a disruption to my routine. Quite like a child really! There a loads of things I need to properly try. I think I've just been not drinking and coming on here but that wont cut it. There is a lot more I can be doing. Hungover today but bursting into action tomorrow. Thank you Delilah.

Gabe1980

Unbelievable eh?? And I swear that this is a common attitude. I've just decided that I don't give a monkeys what other peoples thinking is and if that leaves me on the outside then I'll quite happily sit there, sober!

Mark1014

A big ol' across the Atlantic load of encouragement for you Gabe!

I can't answer why or how my view of sobriety shifted from that of penalty to gift. But it did. I do know that if I hadn't kept on pushing forward (as you are) through my multitude of relapses, I'd never have found the freedom I have today. A goal worthy of your effort Gabe.

Gabe1980

Thank you Mark. I'm keeping the faith it will come good and not always be this difficult. I look forward to a time when I just not bothered about drinking. It'll come.........it really helps to here that it has happened for other people. That they are free! Gabe x

Strugglingtoget

May I suggest that anyone who actually thinks like that is afflicted with the same damaged thinking we have --that is, he/she is also addicted to alcohol. BTW, I don't actually trust active drunks with anything.

Purplrks3647

Thanks Gabe for posting! I can totally relate to everyone here....I've been able to string together a month or three, once almost five months, thanks to this site. Better than what I used to be ~ drunk every single day for years. But today I'm back to another day 2.

Delilah you mentioned mindfulness and it reminded me of a post from Andy in the Weekender thread. He started a mindfulness thread and it includes a link to an online course:
Glad to be here with you all....Thanks again!

JJ991

Hi Gabe. I'm originally from Scotland (& there right now visiting family) so I know exactly what you mean about the attitude to someone saying they don't drink!

I came to the decision that I just can't drink, that's it. It took ages & it was with the help of an alcohol counsellor, a therapy course & most definitely here on SR. I didn't start out saying I'd never drink again, that just clicked throughout the process. Trying to moderate is too tiring.

The words from my counsellor - "if I said there was a glass of poison on the table, would you drink it?"....."ummm, well of course not"......"well that's what your wine is". She is 5 years sober & so totally gets it. As she also said, it is just easier to say and accept you don't drink, otherwise your mind will always be thinking about the next drink, when, how much etc etc. That is the freedom!

I'm back down to England tomorrow so will escape Hogmanay! Stay safe, stay sober!

Daisy39

Gabe (and others), I’m glad you’re back and that you shared. I was in AA and sober for six months a few years ago (before deciding I didn’t need to stop drinking...wrong, here I am stopping again as of last Monday). And one thing that always occurred to me when people were upset about their relapses was: “but you didn’t drink for X days/months/years! And THAT is awesome! Think of all of those clearheaded days you have under your belt instead of focusing on one day where you drank!”

So you screwed up. And maybe it was a really bad screw up. Although my idea of bad is pretty darn bad - in one friend’s case, he landed in the ER due to public drunkenness and was released the next morning with no idea where he’d left his car, which he found three days later. But this friend had managed six months of sobriety before that - a longer period than ever in his adult life. He should have been at least somewhat proud for making it that long! But the thought of “starting over?” He was devestated and went on a bender, then on and off for weeks. He has now been sober nearly two years.

Guess the bottom line for me is that the obsession with counting days (as is the AA way) and then having to start over after a relapse doesn’t feel right, philosophically. One (or more) screw up is just that - a little fork in a long road that it your life. So you just retrace your steps and keep moving forward - it’s not like you’re back at square one.

Anyway - thank you for sharing. I’m glad to have found this place and open and honest people like you.

Barbs

Gabe - I'm back on day 1 too. After 15 months of sobriety, it is difficult to think of starting all over again. But we can do this.

I have to take drinking off the table completely. One drink starts this whole thing all over again.

Today, I am recovering from last nights binge. Doing some meditation. Tomorrow I start back with my workouts. Thanks for posting.

Verdantia

Hey, Gabe. So glad you're back and fighting. You mentioned thinking relapsing every few weeks is worse than just drinking--there's a phenomenon called kindling that states each relapse is worse than the one before. It's how our bodies react to the poison. In my case this is certainly true--each successive relapse became rougher and more horrifying. The last one two years ago after nine months of sobriety ended with my car totaled and me with a bleed in my brain.
You don't want to do this anymore. I wish you all the best and a sober new year. Sobriety rocks!

Hevyn

Gabe, add me to the list of those who appreciated & were helped by your wonderful post. I allowed myself to continue on for decades trying to moderate. All the needless devastation I caused - yet no one could have convinced me. Congratulations on your Day 1.

Delilah1

Thanks for sharing this, I am definitely going to look into it!

bradly22

Best of luck to you, Gabe. This can be a tough beast to tackle.

Gabe1980

Thanks purplk. Much appreciated. I'm game for anything that will support my plan. I have a week off so have time to really look into things, which is great! I'm glad you are all here too ☺ good on you for your day 2 and I hope today is a good one.

Gabe1980

Hey JJ. Thanks for your post.

You know what it's like then. Hogmany and first footin'. I'm going to my mother-in-law for the bells, then straight to bed.

I'm seeing a counsellor but not specifically for alcohol. It's touch here for support as there are only 3 AA meetings a week and its impossible to be annonoymous on such a small island and I work with clients who go. It would have to be something online but I'd like contact with other people. I'm looking into options today.

Gabe1980

I'm really glad you posted this Daisy. I struggle with counting days too. It's like the more days I have the more pressure and the more I feel I am going to fail. It gets quite intense. I just need to do the day to day thing just now.

And all that sober time count. Of course it counts! It all my reading time, my exercise time, my SR time and my meditation time. I'm not letting it not count as it shows me what life can be when sober and what an arse I am for risking all of that to drink. When I drink I lose all those things and go back to hangovers, lethargy and the bare minimum. I understand what folks say when then say 'one is too much', because it is, but I still have to recognise the improvements I've made and the progress. If I try and make it perfect, I fail. Simple as that. For me its about keeping trying......and not lying to myself. Not making excuses. I do things cause I choose too. That's it.Gabe x

Gabe1980

Thanks Bradly. Happy New Year! Gabe x

b0glerd69

Hi Gabe,

Sorry to hear about your troubles. You're back on the straight-and-narrow now.

The chilling thing about relapsing, taking things to their logical conclusion, is that there are only so many 'get out of jail' cards. That made me stop and think.

I'm also in Scotland and will be diligently ignoring Hogmanay. It's turned into a huge money-making, rip-off machine. It's bemusing to watch an old social custom be monetised in such a vulgar manner.

An evening of computer gaming and music listening ahead for me.

Good luck and HNY when it comes!

Gabe1980

Hey Barbs. 15 months is amazing. I find that hard to even imagine right now. 1 night doesn't ruin it. Just get up and get back to it! I'm sorry fo the way you must be feeling just now but you can do it. So can I. Best of luck on your day 2. Gabe x Also...1 always ends in oblivion for me, always.