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Honestly, I think I should leave...

Old 12-29-2017, 02:11 PM
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Honestly, I think I should leave...

Hi Sr,
I honestly think I should leave this site. I love it, don't get me wrong. But, I don't feel that I am welcome any longer. I have been here too long, I have relapsed too many times, I have worn out my welcome.
I wish things were different, I want to be part of your SR "clique". But I'm not. I thank you so much for your help in the past, but I don't think that I fit in with your way of thinking. I will never be part of the "clique", and that's ok.

Thanks,
WF
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:15 PM
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I hope you don't choose to go--why not stop over at the weekenders thread?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...an-2018-a.html (New Year Weekender 28 Dec 2017 - 02 Jan 2018)

I haven't really noticed "clique" stuff but then I post only limited places--
If you share what's bothering you maybe we can help?
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:19 PM
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I hope you choose to stay. I am new here and haven't yet discovered any sort of clique going on.
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:23 PM
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Well it's certainly your choice.

I haven't seen cliquey stuff either.

When I first joined I spent a lot of time in my "Class of March" thread. That was instant camaraderie.

I also posted in the thread for March of the previous year, I needed to see people further along the path so I could get some idea of what to expect.

I posted in "Whiners" for a while, because I'm whiny.

I posted in "Undies" (one year and under, in Newcomers.)

I posted in Fluffy's thread in Cafe Central.

I posted in the 24 hour thread every day.

I posted in Weekenders.

So I reached out to as many threads as I felt like I needed. They were all more than welcoming and accepting of me.

Maybe try that. There is something for everyone, from football to fitness, recipes, gardening, weight loss, to motorcycles and everything in between.
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:27 PM
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If you leave here when you still need help getting sober, isn't that like cutting off your nose to spite your face?
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:29 PM
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My AV was great at making me feel uncomfortable.

My addiction wanted me separated from the world drinking alone in my room.


Honestly wildflower - you've had nothing but support and good vibes here. I know cos I've been keeping an eye on you and your threads

Take a few deep breaths and, if possible, at least a few days off the booze to really reevaluate.

At least be willing to consider that it's drinking and your addiction that is making you want to turn tail and run from the only support you have right now?

If you're drinking or you want to, and that makes you feel uncomfortable here thats actually a good thing.

Change is what we all want

D
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:30 PM
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If you leave I want you to know that you will be missed. I am sorry that you feel that way about SR. Is there anything I can do to help?
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:30 PM
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Originally Posted by wildflower70 View Post
Hi Sr,
I honestly think I should leave this site. I love it, don't get me wrong. But, I don't feel that I am welcome any longer. I have been here too long, I have relapsed too many times, I have worn out my welcome.
I wish things were different, I want to be part of your SR "clique". But I'm not. I thank you so much for your help in the past, but I don't think that I fit in with your way of thinking. I will never be part of the "clique", and that's ok.

Thanks,
WF
Of course, you can leave whenever you want, but I don't see how that will help you any. You say you love SR but feel it's time to go. IMHO, if SR is helping you, what difference does it make what others' think?
One nice thing about SR is that there is no one way of thinking. If you agree with something someone said, great, if you disagree, that's great also. SR provides a wide variety of ways to get and stay sober. As far as relapses go; many people here have relapsed many times, me included. The most important thing is to keep coming back and keep trying. To leave cause of what other think about your sobriety is giving a lot of power to other people. Your sobriety has nothing to do with anybody but you. You control your own destiny. Good luck. John
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:32 PM
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Wild Flower, I hope you do not leave. Is it possible the recent relapse is messing with your thinking. I mean this kindly....I am still trying to get back on track from my relapse. You know it makes us all supersensitive, ashamed and feeling like the 'different one'. Stay with me here....I am definitely not part of any inner circle on SR, if one exists. And thats fine. I don't need to be. I need this community for support and I hope I can do something to support others. Thats all. I don't have to be perfect or top of the sober days list to do that. Neither do you. Hang on and give this another shot.
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
My AV was great at making me feel uncomfortable.

My addiction wanted me separated from the world drinking alone in my room.


Honestly wildflower - you've had nothing but support and good vibes here. I know cos I've been keeping an eye on you and your threads

Take a few deep breaths and, if possible, at least a few days off the booze to really reevaluate.

At least be willing to consider that it's drinking and your addiction that is making you want to turn tail and run from the only support you have right now?

If you're drinking or you want to, and that makes you feel uncomfortable here thats actually a good thing.

Change is what we all want

D
Dee, You have been nothing but kind and welcoming..Thank you. I only think of leaving because I'm not on the same page. I'm not SOBER!! I'm still in the darkness, and I don't want to bring anyone down. And when I am sober, I'm not in the "clique". I never feel "good enough"here...doesn't that mean it's time to do something different?
With kindness and love..WF
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:46 PM
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Well, I hope you don't go. I reckon that your AV is probably just upping it a notch since its feeling big and strong since the recent feeding time. Reminds me of how I can feel so isolated and lonesome even amongst friends or family when my HALT triggers are up, or I get hormonal (there's generally 2 days of the month where i firmly believe that everyone hates me, and I have to work hard not to react to those thoughts and feelings, because I've learnt it does pass after those two days). My fear after a binge always left me feeling like that as well. Horrible, horrible feeling.

Anyway. The good news is that you don't need to make any firm decision right now. You can decide to take a few days break and decide later. Or just hide posts from anyone in particular who might be rattling you (not me I hope - week. Paranoia striking here in East of England).

Anyway. Please don't go. This place really does help folk stay sober (hence AVs disliking us coming here so much!)

Whatever you decide Wildflower, I wish you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.

BB
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Berrybean View Post
Well, I hope you don't go. I reckon that your AV is probably just upping it a notch since its feeling big and strong since the recent feeding time. Reminds me of how I can feel so isolated and lonesome even amongst friends or family when my HALT triggers are up, or I get hormonal (there's generally 2 days of the month where i firmly believe that everyone hates me, and I have to work hard not to react to those thoughts and feelings, because I've learnt it does pass after those two days). My fear after a binge always left me feeling like that as well. Horrible, horrible feeling.

Anyway. The good news is that you don't need to make any firm decision right now. You can decide to take a few days break and decide later. Or just hide posts from anyone in particular who might be rattling you (not me I hope - week. Paranoia striking here in East of England).

Anyway. Please don't go. This place really does help folk stay sober (hence AVs disliking us coming here so much!)

Whatever you decide Wildflower, I wish you all the best for your sobriety and recovery.

BB
Berrybean,

I'm telling you the truth, I don't feel right here. Not welcome, not right. Everyone is getting sober. And, I'm screwing up...how do I compare? Shabby at best....UGH
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:52 PM
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Originally Posted by wildflower70 View Post
Dee, You have been nothing but kind and welcoming..Thank you. I only think of leaving because I'm not on the same page. I'm not SOBER!! I'm still in the darkness, and I don't want to bring anyone down. And when I am sober, I'm not in the "clique". I never feel "good enough"here...doesn't that mean it's time to do something different?
With kindness and love..WF
Not being sober is all the more reason not to leave, in my opinion. As for the “clique” here - that’s something I haven’t noticed and quite frankly that would be the least of my problems. Hopefully, you’ll choose to stay. There’s a great group of people here.
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:52 PM
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Originally Posted by wildflower70 View Post
Dee, You have been nothing but kind and welcoming..Thank you. I only think of leaving because I'm not on the same page. I'm not SOBER!! I'm still in the darkness, and I don't want to bring anyone down. And when I am sober, I'm not in the "clique". I never feel "good enough"here...doesn't that mean it's time to do something different?
With kindness and love..WF
I kindly disagree with this. I think your being uncomfortable means adding on to your plan, not getting rid of what's been helping so far. Sounds like you are trying to talk yourself into leaving. John
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:54 PM
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Originally Posted by wildflower70 View Post
I honestly think I should leave this site.
Don't believe everything you think.
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:58 PM
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I'm sorry you feel that way. As others have said, I don't think you should turn away from the support here. Stick with it, keep trying, that's the best thing to do no matter what your AV is trying to tell you.

X
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Old 12-29-2017, 03:00 PM
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Originally Posted by wildflower70 View Post
Berryhbean,

I'm telling you the truth, I don't feel right here. Not welcome, not right. Everyone is getting sober. And, I'm screwing up...how do I compare? Shabby at best....UGH
Well, maybe you just found this forum at that stage. I went through that stage (for several decades haha) - i just happened to find this place when I'd been a month sober (and I thank God for that or I might not still be so). Wish I'd have found it when I was still in the trying to stop stage though as it might have meant I floundered and dragged the pain out less.

From what I can see, nobody thinks you're not welcome - aoart from you. And I'm still reckoning that's your addictive voice whispering negativities in your ear so that you're more likely to drink again. All this sobriety makes an AV nervous you know, so it's trying to divide and conquer. You don't have to let it.

Sure, things probably DO need to change. But like someone else suggested, it's likely to be more useful to add things IN rather than take things away from your recovery. If you take this place away what does your recovery plan and support look like?

X
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Old 12-29-2017, 03:00 PM
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Originally Posted by wildflower70 View Post
Berrybean,

I'm telling you the truth, I don't feel right here. Not welcome, not right. Everyone is getting sober. And, I'm screwing up...how do I compare? Shabby at best....UGH
The people that are sober are trying to stay sober. Everyone else like you are working on getting sober and that's a lot of people. John
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Old 12-29-2017, 03:12 PM
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Now is when you need to be here even more than ever Wildflower. Being sober is not a requirement to post here, and there is no "time limit". We would hope that you want to get sober....but even that is not a requirement to be here. I hope you stay.
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Old 12-29-2017, 03:18 PM
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Wildflower, please for your sake don't leave, you don't have to be sober to be here, there are many DAY 1s here, we are all struggling and we are all at different stages of recovery, the point is that we are always trying and always wanting to stop, as soon as you turn your back on that what is left.....?
Your AV/inner child/or whatever you want to call it will have its cake and eat it too, it will tell you that you aren't good enough, you're not part of the "clique" like everyone else (which by the way neither am I, however I don't think it exists here on SR), it will tell you to delete because you are a failure...but then what happens Wildflower if you do leave?
You are welcome here everyday, every hour, every second.. You are not going to bring other people down by your own struggles, allow yourself to be lifted up...
Stay here with us Wildflower...
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