steadystate

This is my first post here. I'm a 61 year old engineer, on the verge of retiring very soon. My career has been very successful, despite my alcohol use. My wife and I have raised two wonderful boys who are now 24 and 27 and are largely independent. From reading posts here, I gather I'm one of the old guys in the neighborhood. My alcohol use tenure is also maybe record setting here, as I started drinking at 16 and haven't let up for the past 45 years.

My user name, steadystate, is apt for me, since I've been locked in the same pattern for decades. For me, drinking is mostly time-boxed between about 6 and 10 PM. I find alcohol unpleasant during the day. During those hours, I will typically have 5 craft IPA ales with at least 7% content. One in four days or so I will up it to 6, or else higher alcohol. This equates to consuming between 4 and 5 ounces of ethanol, every single day. I can't remember a day when I've abstained. Well, maybe one or two a decade back. Now that I've written that down it seems amazing that through business trips, vacations, backpack trips, I have always found alcohol! Well, as you all know we are pretty much surrounded by purveyors, and it's easy to pack a pint of 150 proof rum while backpacking.

That's a lot of ethanol, equivalent to almost half a fifth of 80 proof booze. It so happens that I handle it well in the sense that my behavior isn't much different than when I'm sober. Also, hangovers are real but subtle; my thinking is more foggy in the morning that later. The drinking is spaced out enough that I don't get double-vision, clumsy drunk ... more of a very nice warm feeling that gets "better" as the night progresses. So, you may ask, what is the problem? Well ...

• I'm worried that in retirement I will start drinking even more.
• It can't possibly be good for my health.
• I don't want the requirement for lots of alcohol to rule my vacations.
• I want to stay awake and read books or do something useful in the evenings.
• I want to be more energetic and mentally sharper during the day.
• I'm sure there are other concerns I can't think of at the moment.

At this point, I don't have enough desire to stop. But I do recognize that I have a real problem. And I thought it would be useful to present my story to this community. One thing I forgot to mention is that I have a lifetime predisposition to bad depression. I think I use the alcohol to help with that, even though it has multitudes of bad effects. I wonder if there are other depressives out there who have kicked alcohol. By the way, I have had lots of therapy and am on antidepressants.

Thanks for reading! Comments are welcome.

resolute50

Welcome to the forums,steadystate.
If you think alcohol is becoming a problem in your life it;s definitely time to address it. I started off doing approx. the same drinking hours as you. But over the years I went from beer to hard stuff. I'm 54 so I know how the recovery time from drinking is not all that easy the older you get.
The last thing you want to do is spend your golden years drinking too much and missing out on the good stuff that life offers.

Hevyn

Great to meet you, steadystate. There are quite a few 'older' SR members. I had been drinking 30 yrs. when I first came here.

Wise of you to anticipate what might happen in retirement. I have friends who ramped up their drinking when they no longer needed to keep to a certain schedule. I was different than you - I allowed it to bring me to my knees & became completely dependent on it in my 50's. I'm glad your life hasn't been impacted as negatively. We're glad to have you with us!

SimplyFree

Welcome! SR is a good place to work on your sobriety!

Silverback4

Warm welcome.
Any age and any time is a good time to choose something different than drinking.
All the very best to you.

steadystate

Thank you all for your kind words. They put a few more grains of sand in the "quit" pan of the balance.

doggonecarl

Welcome to Sober Recovery. I'm sixty one, quit drinking seven years ago after 35 years of drinking. Life has never been better.

So, all your list really has on it is drinking. I didn't want to quit either. What I wanted was to drink without the consequences of drinking. However, that wasn't to be. So I quit, and don't regret it.

Should you quit too. Then you'll have everything on the list plus more.

D122y

Steady,

I learned everything I needed to understand my addiction from this forum

I hadn't had a thorough physical in about 9 years.

Why? I was afraid of the news. Since quitting, after over 2 years with out a drunken time, I started to make check up appointments.

I ended up on bp and cholesterol meds. The Dr. reminded me that this was nothing compared to how bad it could be.

Thanks.

Sohard

Are you sure your anti-depressants are a high enough dose? I was on 10mg of prozac for years until this summer...when I went up to 80mg. Big difference. Big, big difference. Since that change (in July), I've lost 17 pounds, gotten a new job, and decided to quit drinking (something I hadn't been able to do - or wanted really to do - from 20-41). I'm now 19 days sober. It's such a shame so much time lost. Just something to consider.

tursiops999

welcome, steadystate. You're wise to be looking at this now. My drinking was similar to yours -- in my early 50's, drank steadily since my late teens, but not necessarily out-of-control or super heavy. I drank almost every evening, a half bottle to 3/4 bottle of wine (rarely a whole bottle). I didn't have big dramatic problems, just felt pleasantly buzzed and groggy in the morning. I did notice my intake had increased over the years, and I always planned my evening around when/where I would be able to drink my wine.

I also had a low-grade depression for many years, and I thought alcohol was helping me with that.

It began to dawn on me slowly, that maybe I had it backwards ... maybe the alcohol was causing the depression, not curing it. I also had health concerns similar to the ones you listed. I had mixed feelings about quitting - part of me knew it was the right thing to do, part of me just wanted to keep on drinking, because it was pleasurable.

I decided to "side with" the part of me that had a hunch that drinking was not in my best interest. It really came down to that ... picking a side, despite my feelings of ambivalence.

I have never regretted my choice. I can plan activities, trips, hiking or backpacking adventures, and never worry about where the alcohol is. I am more emotionally present for my loved ones and have a genuine contentment that alcohol never gave me. My blood pressure dropped and I am in healthier shape. That low-grade depression? It went away in sobriety ... now I experience the normal happiness and sadness related to the day to day events in my life, but none of that nagging dark melancholy, that dark cloud hanging over me.

Read around the site ... there's a wealth of experiences and good information here. Welcome!

steadystate

Thank you all for your kind words.

I have a question. Does it EVER work for anyone long term to cut back on consumption, say going from 5 beers to 2 beers daily, rather than complete abstinence?

DontRemember

I've tried to "cut back/moderate" and always ended up where I started, eventually. You're correct to be concerned about retirement and drinking increasing. I'm a few years from retirement still,well I'll probably work forever,but I am self-employed and when I started doing this, I had a lot of 'free time' to drink and drink I did! I blame a lot of my drinking on my free time and considered going back to an actual '9-5' for a while in early sobriety to have some 'structure' in my life. I'd suggest hitting up an open AA meeting and see if you relate to what's said,then go from there. This site is also amazing!

Gabe1980

Welcome Steadystate. Moderation has certainly never worked for me. I think most folks on here would say the same. We drink in alcholic ways which don't allow for 'cutting back.' The minute I have one then I drink all night.

It sounds like you have loads of good reasons to quit and I know you'll feel the benefit from it. Look around here as there is a ton of great advice. Best wishes. Gabe x

JustTony

Welcome steadystate.

In answer to your last question - cutting back as opposed to abstaining is what most of us would have chosen initially. Sadly an exceptionally small percentage ever manage to achieve that. In fact - if anything - the problem just gets worse after every aborted attempt (look up kindling).

Dee74

Welcome

I appreciate that you're a highly regimented drinker.

I was 'highly functional' too for a lot of years. I use 'quotes' cos looking back I don't see a lot of functionality there now.

But, like others have said, if you're concerned about your drinking, then it's a problem.

Everyone tries it. I never made it work for me.
I was the tail, not the dog

D

Fly N Buy

Yea, I had a real problem I didn't want to address as well after four plus decades of drinking. Just got sick and tired of being sick and tired, however. Staying drunk turned into more trouble than getting sober. Exhausting.

When I quit I quipped to my adult daughter - well, I am better off than most. At least I didn't have any blackouts. She looked at me like in disbelief. Really!?

And then it got worse.........

Keep coming back, welcome

Outonthetiles

I wasn't highly regimented at all! I got alcohol and then I drank it! I wasn't exactly discriminating! I had no prejudice against any form of alcohol!

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

I'm worried that in retirement I will start drinking even more.

Bingo!

That's a very real concern for a lot of guys our age in AA.

And I have had some experience with a "trial run" in a situation sort of like retirement about 9 years ago. At that time I had 3 weeks off with no accountability and no real responsiblities. I drank every day starting around noon as I worked around the house, listening to music and sports radio, and just chilling. I would keep a nice buzz going until after dinner, then ramp it up in the evening. I was 52 at the time and it occurred to me, that this could be what I do in retirement. It kind of scared me, but of course that didn't change my behavior. After a couple of weeks of basically 'round the clock drinking, I needed medical help to detox so that I could go back to work. Then I had trouble getting and staying sober for more than a week or so, for the next year. It was hell.

I am your age now, and I've been sober ~ 8 years. I'm now semi retired and enjoying every minute of it and looking forward to full retirement later this year with my wife. Thankfully, I'm not concerned about drinking, but I totally understand where you are coming from. Retirement is a major lifestyle change, and alcohol abuse can significantly increase.

Drinking heavily at our age is physically tough on the body. There are other issues that will come up in retirement that could also increase your booze intake. For example, you lose part of your identity in retirement, you are no longer defined by your occupation, you are just a retired guy. Unless you've figured out a way to emotionally deal with this, it can trip you up. And there are other loses that come with aging, a big one obviously, is that people die. I know a guy in AA who was about 67, and had several years of sobriety. Due to the death of someone close to him he apparently became depressed and starting drinking again. He crashed really hard. That was over a year ago, no one in AA has seen him since.

It sounds like you've drank more than a lifetime's worth of booze. I know I drank more than my share. I want to live to the age that the insurance company actuarial tables I should (and maybe even more). If you want the same thing, sobriety might be the answer.

least

Welcome to the family. I tried to drink 'normally' too, and always failed. It was easier to quit completely than to try to moderate my drinking.

I hope you'll decide to get sober. There's a good life waiting for you if you put down the bottle.

Outonthetiles

In my experience, the answer is no.