Canuckleman45

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays y'all. Its been a long week so far, busy too. However not busy enough to mix in a few screw ups along the way. Nothing bad at all though. Drank a glass of wine at Christmas dinner. No big deal. Had a couple beers, actually 2 on Boxing Day watching a hockey game. No big deal. My AV says everything is fine. LOL. What a CROCK! I'm no where near fine. 3 moths ago I would've hit the first liquorstore after that first drink, and gone on a bender. I would like to thank this site and all of you wonderful people for the love and support you have shown me in this time of need. I can't wait for 2018 to start and be done with 2017. 2018 is going to be awesome for me I feel. And I hope it will be awesome for everybody that. struggles. I don't want to get too far ahead of myself but I've never felt this optimistic about kicking my drinking problem. So? what are everybody's NYE plans?

Ezra78

I, too, am looking forward to 2018. My NYE plans. Sleep. I will stay up to midnight if my kids want to but otherwise it will be a quiet night at home.

Dee74

As long as I kept drinking nothing much got better canuckleman.

I could take solace in just about convincing myself I was doing 'better' by drinking less, but that never lasted long.

I'm an alcoholic - I have no control over what happens once I drink - it's just sometimes I'd get lucky and nothing too bad happened...but that was never the logn term relaity.

Seems to me you're really reluctant to make a definite recovery action plan?
Is that a fair assessment?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

Make a line in the sand. Make a plan and embrace change.

You'll look back and be glad you did.

D

Canuckleman45

Dee, I've talked to a counsellor, my doctor, done a couple AA meetings. I'm doing whatever I can to find what works for me. Whatever worked for you doesn't necessarily work for everybody else. I never ever though I would quit cold Turkey, but 3 drinks in a week opposed to more than the normal 50 seems like a pretty good goddamn start don't you think????? FFS

Dee74

Hi Canuckleman
I hope one day you'll see I'm not really a hard ass

I spent decades trying to cut down my drinking - I kidded myself I was moving down to zero but even when I got there I never stayed there very long...

to be a moderate drinker was really my wish rather than stopping.

I simply didn't want to be that non drinker guy.Too embarrassing.

But booze kept kicking my butt. It nearly killed me.

I had to accept the toxicity of my relationship with alcohol - any amount or frequency of alcohol - in order to really make any real change.

You obviously feel your circumstances are different. I don't really think they are but I don't want to rile you up either.

That's not my idea of fun.

I'll move on to other posters now - good luck man.

D

tomsteve

change that from alcohol to crack,herion,or meth.
would it sound sane?

KG77

I can't wait for 2017 to FO too. Like you I have had many go rounds with telling myself "now that you've held off for a while (13 days 🙄 like that's a life time right? Yeah it feels like it sometimes 😅 ) and now that you feel better Im sure its ok to have 1 or 2. You've totally got this". And I may have kept it under control one or two or 5 times... but I know, for me, it always ends up the same at some point. I WILL drink too much for too long and wake up one morning... maybe the next morning, or maybe in 3 days...hating myself. I know this because i didn't do it once or twice or 10 times. I did it over and OVER and OVER, you know, just to make sure. I am not telling you what will work for you, by any means. I just know what doesnt work for me. I still wish i was a normal gal who could have 1 or 2 and be good. But I'm not. I never will be. In any case we are all here for you and support you, no matter what you decide to try. Believe me, i tried EVERYTHING until i finally figured out I just can't drink PERIOD. And you know what? There's still a part of me that says well THAT sucks!! A whiney little voice nagging me to "have just one! ONE last hurrah!!! It's almost NYE FFS!! you can start over again on 1 Jan! "
But I know I never want to be where I was a couple weeks ago. And if I let myself drink it's not a matter of IF but WHEN will I be right back there.
I know its hard. I know it sucks. And only you know what your recovery should look like. Just know I am rooting for you to win!

DarklingSong

Thank you for your brilliant post....God, I seriously relate.....sometimes the whole thing just sucks and I feel like having a complete hissy fit. This being an adult lark is nothing like its cracked up to be...

doggonecarl

The huge gulf between "no big deal" drinking and "Big Deal" drinking seems to allow for a lot more "no big deal" drinking if you talk yourself into it. I hope you don't.

I also hope you have a sober New Year. I've had seven and they have been worth all the short-term discomfort of giving up drinking for good. Here's to 2018!

SnazzyDresser

It's alcohol you should tell to blank off! 2017 was great for me cause I didn't drink.

Berrybean

You're right - its a good start, but the thing is that AV of ours, (the thing that keeps reeling us in) will never start to get any quieter while we're still feeding it. So while we continue to put alcohol in our systems at all, we keep feeding the addiction beast that preys on us, so it's a bit like playing Russian roulette with our lives.

It sounds like you're pretty close to your Day 1. When is this set to be?

The longer we have gone without feeding our addiction, working on our recovery, the more relief we find. You know, it wasn't 2017 that was the problem, it was the fact that your active addiction has made life unbearable and chaotic. The thing that would make 2018 different isn't a digit. It would be not being in active addiction. Sober. And in recovery. Active addiction could mean continued restricted drinking (like now),and that would still keep that AV loud in your head , which would put you in a place of pain (like now). Nobody here wants that for anyone else, because we remember how horrible it is living with that AV poisoning our thoughts and feelings about our lives, ourselves and other poeple.

I wish you all the best for your sobriety and recovery and hope you give that AV of yours a big fat brush off by starving the little feckface into silence. It really is quite satisfying once you get into it.

BB

Nonsensical

I was never the victim of any particular year. That guy in the mirror beat me down pretty severely for many years, though. I'm happy I got him to quit doing that.

I'm gonna eat chicken wings and nachos while watching football Sunday and Monday. Resolutions start on the 2nd, right?

PalmerSage

It sounds like you think you are controlling your drinking. I've been there too (many times!) and unfortunately, it never lasts. I wish you the best of luck, though.

EliL

3 drinks instead of 50 is a lot better for you physically but is that something you can sustain on a long term basis? If so then brilliant. Cutting down on any drug use is an amazing achievement. I’m guessing for me and others on this site that short term victories never translated into the desired long term effect and really all along the only real solution was abstinence.

Canuckleman45

I just got home from work. Thanks for all the responses. I know everybody is on here to help and support everybody. For that I apologize if I was a bit of a dick this morning. However I honestly know that I want to stop. I do hate it, it doesn't taste good anymore, I sleep better without it, Blah,blah blah blah blah. I feel like "been there done that got the t-shirt". If that makes sense. I was talking to my wife the other day and told her how hard it is, and she reminded me when I quit smoking 20 years ago all I did was finish one one day and that was it. Weird eh? DONE! just like that. Never had a craving, or cheated. Just done. The devil water is a tricky little bugger though. I just need to find what works for me. And I do believe that 2018 will bring it. Still waiting on all of your NYE plans. Mine are simple Going to do what we do every year.. Go out for dinner, hit a casino, lose $40 in 5 minutes, go home and fall asleep by 9 pm.. LOLOLOL. Thats the honest truth.

Silverback4

Very different new year for me this time around.
NYE would usually mean the gloves were off and I wasn’t allowed any boundaries or disapproving comments or looks for the gargantuan volume of alcohol I would consume.

After all it’s new year right? The calendar says it’s ok right?
Glad to say this year will be a very quiet family affair. Might stay up for the bells might not. No pressure.
Getting new furniture delivered on the 31st so I will be building it on New Year’s Day and really looking forward to it. I would have told you you were out of your mind if you had told me last new year that this is how I would be spending it. Downright would just have refused to believe you.
Anyway that’s my not too exciting but exciting for me New Year plans.

Berrybean

NYE. Being lazy this year. Going to buy myself a seafood platter (expensive snacking in the UK despite all that sea) and read my book I my Pjs.

Last year I went to an AA New Years Eve party, but ive realised in sobriety that big parties really aren't my thing so much. I prefer smaller groups. So I'm not feeling the need to do it this year.

BB

JustTony

I'm lucky in the respect that I have NEVER been a great fan of NYE and all the nonsense that surrounds it. Too busy, noisy, expensive, sweaty and generally silly.

It helps that I was always more of a 'home drinker' than a 'going out drinker' - by far actually.

So I'll be at home, watching TV with my wife (she might have a bottle of champagne - which is fine by me - the stuff always gave me heartburn anyway!) and then I'll be in bed by 11pm (phone off and avoiding all the silly whatsapp and text message nonsense that goes on for the next three hours until the following morning.

And you know what? I'm happy with all of that!

Canuckleman45

Tony.....Ive always found that NYE is weird. I can't remember the last time I was drunk for one. LOL I always drive people. or do the cooking, or run to the supermarket. Happy New Years to you and your wife