Stormpoops

Ok so I wasn't drinking. Well slight lie I've always drank. Running a bar will do that. Anyway I digress. My mind has always been fragile. I took acid in the 90s a lot and it didn't end well. I am 43 and have used alcohol to cover up my many flaws. To stop the rising panic sometimes on a waking up case. To wake up in fear every day has at one point made me realise I would rather lose my self in drink than to deal with this shower of ****. Anyway I stopped drinking and managed 9 days then x mas hit. I got smashed out with friends them home alone and now it's day 14 of pissedville and my anxiety is so bad I feel like my body is not my own. I'm seeing **** and I'm scared out my mind. I calm myself down and talk myself down by saying it's ok.. It's just the drink. I want to stop and get off this **** show but How? Am trying to wean myself. Had 6 pints of strong larger and at least 3 fingers of gin tonight just to get me to a point where I can close my eyes. Please don't say go to the doc or aa cus that's not happening. Just want some help so I don't feel like I'm on a bad acid trip till I can drink. Can I also add that sober mostly all that **** goes away. How do I get off it??

Anna

Welcome,

I'm sorry for your situation.

I think many of us drink to self-medicate. And, yes, alcohol does worsen anxiety, so when you stop drinking, hopefully things will improve. Weaning off alcohol almost never works for alcoholics. It's simply too hard to see it through. I tried any times and ended up worse off than before.

I do suggest talking to your dr or going to an ER so you will be safe. Detoxing from alcohol is unpredictable and can be dangerous.

biminiblue

Yep. Sounds like most of us.

It gets better with continuous sober time - but you have to make it through the hard detox/withdrawal.

What kind of help are you looking for?

Stock up on Gatorade and ice cream and stop drinking. Ride it out. Best to have someone with you, since you refuse medical. Just in case.

Clmjr

I guess the easiest thing to say is don't drink. That is easier said than done or I wouldn't have needed to go to rehab. I understand the acid. I did hundreds of hits in the late 90's. Not sure if I have any ill effects but I'm sure it didn't help. Try to take it an hour at a time if you can. I dont recommend letting yourself get too ill alone in case you do need med help. I'm new to sobriety as well and am also trying to navigate through things.

Hevyn

Welcome to you, Storm. I'm glad you realize things need to change. Alcohol never gives us the relief & comfort we're seeking. Reading & posting here really helped me - there's always someone around to listen & understand.

Dee74

Hi and welcome

I think the advice to seek some medical help is good.

If you're drowning and you're going down for the 3rd time it makes sense to reach out for a life preserver, yeah?

D

Delilah1

Hello,

There are many different supports for recovery. Posting and reading on SR was the biggest part of my plan. However, sometimes that isn't enough support for everyone, and then you may need to be open to programs such as A, AvRT, LifeRing...

If you are struggling with withdrawls you also need to be willing to see the doctor.

If you really want sobriety, you need to be willing to do whsterver it takes for that to happen.

Nonsensical

Welcome to SR Stormpoop!!!! (I like that name )

It's more helpful to us if you tell us what you ARE willing to do to help yourself instead of what you'd rather die than do.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

D122y

Storm,

Going to the Dr. is the standard advice .

In my experience...I suffered through the hell of withdrawals and detox with no Dr. help.

There are no records of booze issues to be found on me Except here on sr. But, this is a self help site. I did it in my own w the help of my online family.

That is handling my own problem and it is admirable.

Anyway...

I could have died or went insane detoxing over and over...more insane is probably more accurate. There are definitely levels of crazy.

Anyway...

I prayed to God. Still do. Jesus take the wheel.

I curled up in a ball and cried. I suffered like I never suffered.

It was off and on. The crave is relentless. The call from the booze beckoned like the voice of my son lost in a snow storm.

I powered through.

That is the brain damage caused by booze and other drugs. It is real. I look in the mirror and see an addict. It is shamefull.

My brain healed or rerouted...or something. I am 100% better.

It took well over a year to settle down. I am nearly 3 years w no significant relapse and I am still getting better.

These days I still crave, but remember how I felt.

I love being sober.

Life didn't changes in sobriety, I changed. Things that used to set me off, now don't phase much or at all. I actually feel a little dead inside sometimes. It is sort of peaceful though.

I love waking up early for work. Sobriety makes having a more consistant and solid performance easier. Being erratic is something I see in my alky coworkers, friends, and family.

I don't give advice anymore. Stories are better for me.

Thanks.