If you want better answers, ask better questions
Hears The Voice
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
If you want better answers, ask better questions
Why can't I stop drinking?
I asked myself this question thousands of times. It embodied my sense of exasperation, powerlessness, and victimhood. A touch of ego, too. I am different than all you people who have escaped alcohol addiction. I can't stop. There is something so unique about me that it isn't even possible for me to stop drinking.
I see the question frequently posted here at SR as well. It's good that people are here and asking questions. It shows a desire to seek answers and to change.
The problem with the question Why can't I stop drinking is that it can't produce an answer that is useful. It can only be rebutted. That's why I never got anywhere while I was asking it. I had to ask better questions. Questions that produced answers I could use to defeat my addiction.
Why do I drink?
Why do I want to drink?
What emotion(s) am I avoiding by drinking?
What happens if I just experience those emotions?
Why is it a struggle for me not to drink?
There are people who do not struggle with not drinking, what are people who are not struggling doing?
Can I stop struggling?
How can I stop struggling with not drinking?
Thinking through those questions got me productive answers that moved me forward.
What are your better questions?
I asked myself this question thousands of times. It embodied my sense of exasperation, powerlessness, and victimhood. A touch of ego, too. I am different than all you people who have escaped alcohol addiction. I can't stop. There is something so unique about me that it isn't even possible for me to stop drinking.
I see the question frequently posted here at SR as well. It's good that people are here and asking questions. It shows a desire to seek answers and to change.
The problem with the question Why can't I stop drinking is that it can't produce an answer that is useful. It can only be rebutted. That's why I never got anywhere while I was asking it. I had to ask better questions. Questions that produced answers I could use to defeat my addiction.
Why do I drink?
Why do I want to drink?
What emotion(s) am I avoiding by drinking?
What happens if I just experience those emotions?
Why is it a struggle for me not to drink?
There are people who do not struggle with not drinking, what are people who are not struggling doing?
Can I stop struggling?
How can I stop struggling with not drinking?
Thinking through those questions got me productive answers that moved me forward.
What are your better questions?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 110
When I ask why do I drink or why do I want to drink, the answer changes each time. I wanted to drink because I was happy, sad, angry, etc. Pretty much the range of emotions. I think how can I stop drinking worked better for me. The whys are too numerous and never helped me. I had to accept I drank because (fill in the blank)... then HOW can I stop.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Originally Posted by Nonsensical 
Why can't I stop drinking?
I asked myself this question thousands of times. It embodied my sense of exasperation, powerlessness, and victimhood. A touch of ego, too. I am different than all you people who have escaped alcohol addiction. I can't stop. There is something so unique about me that it isn't even possible for me to stop drinking.
I see the question frequently posted here at SR as well. It's good that people are here and asking questions. It shows a desire to seek answers and to change.
The problem with the question Why can't I stop drinking is that it can't produce an answer that is useful. It can only be rebutted. That's why I never got anywhere while I was asking it. I had to ask better questions. Questions that produced answers I could use to defeat my addiction.
Why do I drink?
Why do I want to drink?
What emotion(s) am I avoiding by drinking?
What happens if I just experience those emotions?
Why is it a struggle for me not to drink?
There are people who do not struggle with not drinking, what are people who are not struggling doing?
Can I stop struggling?
How can I stop struggling with not drinking?
Thinking through those questions got me productive answers that moved me forward.
What are your better questions?
I asked myself this question thousands of times. It embodied my sense of exasperation, powerlessness, and victimhood. A touch of ego, too. I am different than all you people who have escaped alcohol addiction. I can't stop. There is something so unique about me that it isn't even possible for me to stop drinking.
I see the question frequently posted here at SR as well. It's good that people are here and asking questions. It shows a desire to seek answers and to change.
The problem with the question Why can't I stop drinking is that it can't produce an answer that is useful. It can only be rebutted. That's why I never got anywhere while I was asking it. I had to ask better questions. Questions that produced answers I could use to defeat my addiction.
Why do I drink?
Why do I want to drink?
What emotion(s) am I avoiding by drinking?
What happens if I just experience those emotions?
Why is it a struggle for me not to drink?
There are people who do not struggle with not drinking, what are people who are not struggling doing?
Can I stop struggling?
How can I stop struggling with not drinking?
Thinking through those questions got me productive answers that moved me forward.
What are your better questions?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
When I am drinking around the clock, physically in the grips of alcohol, it 'feels' impossible to stop. So really the only answer at that point is to get help with detox. Period. Yeah, there's cold turkey, and I've done it....but medical help is the first logical step.
Why can't I STAY stopped? That's my biggest question or hurdle if you will. I believe that my addiction, in very simple terms, is my INability to cope with life (life on life's terms). So my recovery (staying stopped) is the ability to cope with all the crap. The stuff from the past, the habituated physical/psychological cravings, people, places, things, shame, anger, loneliness, boredom, parenting.....etc etc. Soooo I have to choose to really practice my recovery......like I would my spiritual practice, my yoga practice, my workout practice.....each and every day. For every 'situation' that arises, that brings up the desire to drink, I have to have a new way of dealing with it. A new pair of glasses for the way I view the world.
That starts with a commitment that drinking is no longer a viable, sustainable coping mechanism. That it simply doesn't work. That is will kill me if I continue to choose it. Accept it, be at peace with it. Practice new ways of coping. Learn that all things, good and bad, pass. Always. Learn a new way to live. A paradigm shift. For me I had to be at the end of my rope to be willing to do that. And that today is an opportunity to be sober. Today is all any of us have.
Why can't I STAY stopped? That's my biggest question or hurdle if you will. I believe that my addiction, in very simple terms, is my INability to cope with life (life on life's terms). So my recovery (staying stopped) is the ability to cope with all the crap. The stuff from the past, the habituated physical/psychological cravings, people, places, things, shame, anger, loneliness, boredom, parenting.....etc etc. Soooo I have to choose to really practice my recovery......like I would my spiritual practice, my yoga practice, my workout practice.....each and every day. For every 'situation' that arises, that brings up the desire to drink, I have to have a new way of dealing with it. A new pair of glasses for the way I view the world.
That starts with a commitment that drinking is no longer a viable, sustainable coping mechanism. That it simply doesn't work. That is will kill me if I continue to choose it. Accept it, be at peace with it. Practice new ways of coping. Learn that all things, good and bad, pass. Always. Learn a new way to live. A paradigm shift. For me I had to be at the end of my rope to be willing to do that. And that today is an opportunity to be sober. Today is all any of us have.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,427
Nonsensical, this is a "sticky quality" post as far as I'm concerned.
Frick, FS, and Darkling, your responses are equally helpful.
Great job folks!
It really cuts to the heart of "how to" implement thought of quitting to action,
and pinpoints some of the rationalizations / evasions we so effectively use to
keep drinking or relapse.
We can do better with better questions and honest answers to those questions.
From thence, action. . . which is the only thing that ultimately counts.
But getting there can be a hard mental journey.
Frick, FS, and Darkling, your responses are equally helpful.
Great job folks!
It really cuts to the heart of "how to" implement thought of quitting to action,
and pinpoints some of the rationalizations / evasions we so effectively use to
keep drinking or relapse.
We can do better with better questions and honest answers to those questions.
From thence, action. . . which is the only thing that ultimately counts.
But getting there can be a hard mental journey.
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
"What are your better questions?"
To react to your final question above
I woud not say better but one which trots alot in my head, a second HOW question :
How can I grind it into my head into memory and reinforce the fact (fact) that I am an ALCOHOLIC and I that have accepted it and I cannot drink the first mouthful.
Why do I ask this question ? because I seem to have a problem with relapsing at 4, or 5, or 6 months.
Hears The Voice
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by FallingStars
When I ask why do I drink or why do I want to drink, the answer changes each time. I wanted to drink because I was happy, sad, angry, etc. Pretty much the range of emotions. I think how can I stop drinking worked better for me. The whys are too numerous and never helped me. I had to accept I drank because (fill in the blank)... then HOW can I stop.
I have learned to be careful with avoiding my why questions just because they seem too complex to handle. My brain loves to use it's too hard to figure out / I am confused as an excuse to avoid thinking about things that might be difficult or painful. My brain is also very lazy. It takes shortcuts whenever possible. That's how drinking became the answer to every question.
Your mileage may vary.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
