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Thinking of telling my mother, and not my father, about by my near sexual assault

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Thinking of telling my mother, and not my father, about by my near sexual assault

Old 12-29-2017, 01:22 AM
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*hugs*

Well done. I'm glad that all went well. Sounds like the conversation was working out and it just went there.

Don't feel bad about your dad's beers - they don't matter to him in the same way they would an alcoholic, and he obviously wants to demonstrate his support and solidarity. He might even be seeing alcohol in self in a different light. He's likely feeling a little impotent to 'Do' anything at the moment, so that little gesture might make him feel better (more better than drinking the beer would anyway).
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Old 12-29-2017, 06:41 AM
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[QUOTE=Berrybean;6725569]*hugs*

Well done. I'm glad that all went well. Sounds like the conversation was working out and it just went there.

Don't feel bad about your dad's beers - they don't matter to him in the same way they would an alcoholic, and he obviously wants to demonstrate his support and solidarity. He might even be seeing alcohol in self in a different light. He's likely feeling a little impotent to 'Do' anything at the moment, so that little gesture might make him feel better (more better than drinking the beer would anyway).[/QUOTE

If my dad is watching the football, he'll have like four beers and be done. Before December, last time he drunk was October (gosh I envy people like that). But he did tell me that when he was my age, he drink a lot. He said it wasn't to the point of being a drunk, but he did drink a lot with his friends. Like from Friday to Sunday. But as he grew he toned it down. He's now one of those who has one beer and is done. But I do appreciate his gesture. He's been so supportive of me today. Don't know what I did to deserve him.
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Old 12-29-2017, 07:09 AM
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You don't need to 'earn' love. If we earn it, it isn't a gift, but a deal.
No doubt you have, or do, or will extend love and compassion to others who don't deserve it as well. Its the nature of true love, and that's what I have come to appreciate in sobriety that I couldn't when i was drinking. Undeserved love : Grace: What sustains me nowadays xx
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Old 12-29-2017, 08:27 AM
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Congrats !!!! I am so glad it went well !!! Sometimes things arent as dark as we expect they will be.... Good for you !!!
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Old 12-29-2017, 09:15 AM
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I’m glad that everything has gone beautifully. I’m pleased that your parents are supporting you all the way. You all sound like a wonderful family.
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Old 12-29-2017, 09:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Gilmer View Post
I’m glad that everything has gone beautifully. I’m pleased that your parents are supporting you all the way. You all sound like a wonderful family.
I am fortunate to have the family I have. I'm from South Africa and my extended family have their multitude of racial issues (I'm mixed) but my immediate family is awesome. My parents are honestly my idols.
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Old 12-29-2017, 10:17 AM
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I'm so glad it worked out well and you've got that off your chest.

Onward to a sober and happy 2018 tw
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Old 12-29-2017, 11:20 AM
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Glad it went as smooth as it did. I'm similar to your dad about my daughter. When she was almost assaulted and I found out(I was told about it by her grandmother), I lost it! I hope you can find peace with therapy.
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Old 12-29-2017, 11:26 AM
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Originally Posted by DontRemember View Post
Glad it went as smooth as it did. I'm similar to your dad about my daughter. When she was almost assaulted and I found out(I was told about it by her grandmother), I lost it! I hope you can find peace with therapy.
Yeah, when I told my dad, he was seething - not towards me, but the attacker. Asked me who he is and where he hails from. Truth is, he was some random stranger at a party. The anger is still circulating within him right now.
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Old 12-29-2017, 11:45 AM
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Originally Posted by tiredwoman View Post
Yeah, when I told my dad, he was seething - not towards me, but the attacker. Asked me who he is and where he hails from. Truth is, he was some random stranger at a party. The anger is still circulating within him right now.
I wasn't mad at my daughter,but was well..I found out who the guy was because he was 7yrs older than my 14-15yo(at the time) daughter and her best friend/the one who stopped the assault told me. He moved after I had a 'talk' with him. Might be good for your dad to talk to someone about it,so it doesn't keep him from moving forward himself with the new found info. Not the kind of 'talk' I had,but with a therapist. I shouldn't have done what I did,but if I'm being honest I'd do it again even without the drinking. Hang in there and you'll get past this. My daughter is a year or two older than you and she's doing great now! Great job, great group of friends,ect..Therapy really helped her! I wish you and your family peace in the New Year.
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Old 12-29-2017, 11:52 AM
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Originally Posted by DontRemember View Post
I wasn't mad at my daughter,but was well..I found out who the guy was because he was 7yrs older than my 14-15yo(at the time) daughter and her best friend/the one who stopped the assault told me. He moved after I had a 'talk' with him. Might be good for your dad to talk to someone about it,so it doesn't keep him from moving forward himself with the new found info. Not the kind of 'talk' I had,but with a therapist. I shouldn't have done what I did,but if I'm being honest I'd do it again even without the drinking. Hang in there and you'll get past this. My daughter is a year or two older than you and she's doing great now! Great job, great group of friends,ect..Therapy really helped her! I wish you and your family peace in the New Year.
Thank you so much for this insightful post. Happy New year to you and your familia too
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:35 PM
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Originally Posted by DontRemember View Post
Glad it went as smooth as it did. I'm similar to your dad about my daughter. When she was almost assaulted and I found out(I was told about it by her grandmother), I lost it! I hope you can find peace with therapy.
When I told my mum at 15 (about a family 'friend' and 'pillar of the community') she just said DONT tell your Dad. Took a long time to get past that. Couple of decades. Managed to forgive her quicker than him, and have only even recently understood why i felt so mad at him. Basically because he just couldnt be relied on to behave responsibly because of his temper and when he was drunk, I didn't get support. We just carried on pretending that everything was fine. That we were a normal family. Jeez. I sound bitter don't I. I suppose I still am a bit, but not cripplingly so any more. Mostly haha.

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Old 12-29-2017, 10:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Berrybean View Post
When I told my mum at 15 (about a family 'friend' and 'pillar of the community') she just said DONT tell your Dad. Took a long time to get past that. Couple of decades. Managed to forgive her quicker than him, and have only even recently understood why i felt so mad at him. Basically because he just couldnt be relied on to behave responsibly because of his temper and when he was drunk, I didn't get support. We just carried on pretending that everything was fine. That we were a normal family. Jeez. I sound bitter don't I. I suppose I still am a bit, but not cripplingly so any more. Mostly haha.

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I'm sorry you went through that. I really am. Without giving too much.. I've been there,kinda and there was no way I was letting this shlt go without a 'talk'. I wish someone had been there for me. Either with therapy,or whatever...something?.. I'll be damned if some clown does that to my kid! This was actually one of those thing's I had stuffed down and don't talk about..hmm?
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Old 12-29-2017, 11:36 PM
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Thanks Dont Remember.

Yes, stuffing those things away can be counterproductive. Anyway, I do understand now that was just the best they could do at that time.

Anyway. Tiredwomans parents are my new hero's as well as hers I reckon.

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Old 12-30-2017, 12:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Berrybean View Post
Thanks Dont Remember.

Yes, stuffing those things away can be counterproductive. Anyway, I do understand now that was just the best they could do at that time.

Anyway. Tiredwomans parents are my new hero's as well as hers I reckon.

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I agree.. This is the stuff I think about when I go to a meeting and someone is 'rambling on'.. That's the way AA does work for me. It gives me an hour in my head. Scary place at times,but I think it's better to face things now, rather than smother it with booze/drugs. It's not going away without facing it. Kinda like a bully.
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Old 12-30-2017, 01:03 PM
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Originally Posted by DontRemember View Post
I agree.. This is the stuff I think about when I go to a meeting and someone is 'rambling on'.. That's the way AA does work for me. It gives me an hour in my head. Scary place at times,but I think it's better to face things now, rather than smother it with booze/drugs. It's not going away without facing it. Kinda like a bully.
I always think of it as like a wound I was scared to look at so never cleaned or changed the dressing. I just spent years slapping another elastoplast over the last one whenever the gunk started oozing through. The 12-steps gave me the strength to take those old dressings off and go find someone who could administer first aid and look at it with me.

Sorry if that's a bit of a graphic analogy lol.

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