Wtf who is steering this robot
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 9
Wtf who is steering this robot
Have a decent part time job then stumble apon a Craig’s list job that pays 60k. I have to get there and train for 2 days. No I’m part time I get there- it’s just kinda shady. But I go along with it. It’s 60k! Let’s rewind a second we’ll be back. Been dating a girl for 5 years she supports me, she houses me, she cooks cleans, come from a great family. We’ve had 3 abortions has this immense pressure in me to get married and I do too. I had previously a factory supervisor job but was second shift and had no life what so Ever and had saved 5k for a ring and didn’t unseat lost that job from two benders and then spend the 5k in more benders at a friends in his basement (alone).
Back to shady job I make it back from the training session for job, 2 hour drive away, in my new (to me) 6 speed 2010 car best car I’ve ever had.. I bought that car with money I inherited from an aunt who was famous at one time who hung her self. My aunts brother my father was an alcoholic and died of it. I’m supposed to stay dec 18 it doesn’t work out I needed more training for a week. Week later rolls around I crash my new car drunk driving like a maniac I hope out of it and walk to my gf last at 4 am babbling like an idiot she Uber’s me to my moms where I wake up to door bell- cop telling me ab my car being crashed I lie and say it much have been stolen I’m still near blackout it’s ab 6 am so I ask for a card and send him on his way. The cars totaled and there no point of even trying to get it out of tow. Totally thee that car and money away.
Borrowing gfs car to get to work and she’s uber ing to work my old car won’t start. We’re fighting constantly! She wants to go to Ny to see family obviously I can’t afford that I need to get my car started and focused on 60k a year job right? “It’s for my b day come on I will loan you money for flight and pay for everything”... how can I resist oh and Christmas is just around the corner.... just wait... I’m supposed to be studying up on material for this job bc the next day we get back I need to be one a 2 hour car ride in a car- gf isnt going to loan me her car for a week- but we don’t talk a. That I hold it together a fairly well on our trip we argue constantly the whole fuckibg trip. She is having sundays scariest in flight back so she gets drunk which makes her argue even more the closer we get home the more she argues. We’re home and arguing ab everything in the world but what I need to be focused on. I bring up how am I making the trip to the job for the weeke if trading she flips and says I’m taking you to your moms. I start drinking. Wake up mom how am I getting there looking at bus services but how’d I get to work? Ok rental? All require credit card.. I have zero dollars. Waiting for part tim job to pay oh it finally hit how am I getting to train???? This car rental company doesn’t require a cc.
I get there 200 deposit ok Mom loans me some Monday how many days? 4 be back on gfs bday2 days before christmas oh u need to be here at 12.... I can well then u can return the car Tuesday but it’s 98 bucks okkk guess I’ll being it back Saturday by noon. All in all it was 400 bucks the shady Craig’s list job said would re inviting me they’re covering my hotelmoms relived to get me out of her hair gf is just bickering arguing w me via text oh and my cell service is shut off so I rely on WiFi. 2 hour car ride no cell service..
I get there in one piece but missed second day of training bc I wanted to be in a bed in a hotel by my self not listen to my gf bitching or have my mom nagging and wanted to just drink. Which I held together made it to work skipped breakfast the job is so shady I’m worried swats going to break in. Nothing dangled or sex or drug related with job just working with cheeses car accident attack victim attorneys. The guy training me show me a you tube clip talking ab our state- it had to have been the same people I can’t rven process what just happened. Why the **** did I come alll Thai way borrow money and get this job.........?!
Get done with work not paying any attention to anything. Get lost, pass anstrip club I’ve heard of, have no map or gpstakes me an hour to find hotel get a 12pack. Drink 8 beers start texting guy from training (bc the hotel has WiFi) ask him if he wants to go to strip club he laughs and sad no my kids going to be born soon but tells me I should. I smash 12 pack. Go get another bc it’s byob go there black out ff to be getting to hotel no idea how I got there I’m pinballjng off the walls of hallway fall and hit my head so hard. Back to black out. Some how wake up in my bed. A receipt tells me I got home via cab. Check my balance on my phone 100 at stir club all these little rancondom separate charges 100s spent. So I go get more beer fuckibg right I’m sick that’s what I told work and my “friend” I’m training under who old me the job was a scam and shady as **** and he’d quit if he weren’t having skid and referred me to strip club. I text him hey I’m not gonna make it today I don’t feel well he laughs and says don’t lie you went to the syrup club your hung over. But he was wrong I wants hung over I was drunk. I remover throwing up and stumbling around the room and shutting messy diarea. So I was sick ya am sick. Get an email that I’ve been fired and I have two days of hotel so why sober up and go argue with gf how I ruined her birthday and Christmas or be at moms while she’s angry at me too.
Cheers let’s get just a 6 pack of tall boys and chill. It it’s only a warm up and brings me back to a state I can only call feeling normal. Arguing with my gf more ab how terrible of a person I am she keeps up with my location via my phone as I do her she turns it off and her Tex’s are more and more angry it’s her b day. I need more beer.
I’ll have get a 12 that should be enough that’s like 20 beers today. She just understand the way I feel crashing my car, oh I quit my part time job too so lost them both, her 3 abortions my younger brother just having a son, the deaths off all fathers family but one, her not wanting to be together her just constant fuckibg agruing and I’m supposed to be there for her b day. She ends of a friends ex bys house won’t addresa it at all and just is fighting ab me quitting this job and how it’s the worst Christmas... I stay there until Christmas.
Wake up to not present under a tree but at least 4-12 packs gone and 6 -6 packs worth of garbage all over hotel floor. gfs location off more beer. Moms freakingnout ab how she’s a lone for Christmas I stop drinking and drive 2 hrs during Christmas and am so panicky paranoid I can’t even put it into words I was pouring sweat and look down and there are empty beer car and bottles in car. I’d get a dui if stoped. Pull over throw all that **** away. I look like death. Oh I spend 6days out of town should have been 2.... makenit In to city limits passing the exit all my family is gathered at and Mom pass my gfs exit where all her family is having Christmas I go to the nearest gas station and grab beer head to my moms drink ass fast as I can I am vomiting shorting sweating. Arguing with gf and anxiety my mom coming home or a sibling. I’m alone and it’s christmas. Rental car needs to be returned my gf def cheated. I need more beer idk how many days I’ve been here at my moms locked in my room with the door locked- waiting for her to leave so I get more beer in rental car that needs to be retuned
Back to shady job I make it back from the training session for job, 2 hour drive away, in my new (to me) 6 speed 2010 car best car I’ve ever had.. I bought that car with money I inherited from an aunt who was famous at one time who hung her self. My aunts brother my father was an alcoholic and died of it. I’m supposed to stay dec 18 it doesn’t work out I needed more training for a week. Week later rolls around I crash my new car drunk driving like a maniac I hope out of it and walk to my gf last at 4 am babbling like an idiot she Uber’s me to my moms where I wake up to door bell- cop telling me ab my car being crashed I lie and say it much have been stolen I’m still near blackout it’s ab 6 am so I ask for a card and send him on his way. The cars totaled and there no point of even trying to get it out of tow. Totally thee that car and money away.
Borrowing gfs car to get to work and she’s uber ing to work my old car won’t start. We’re fighting constantly! She wants to go to Ny to see family obviously I can’t afford that I need to get my car started and focused on 60k a year job right? “It’s for my b day come on I will loan you money for flight and pay for everything”... how can I resist oh and Christmas is just around the corner.... just wait... I’m supposed to be studying up on material for this job bc the next day we get back I need to be one a 2 hour car ride in a car- gf isnt going to loan me her car for a week- but we don’t talk a. That I hold it together a fairly well on our trip we argue constantly the whole fuckibg trip. She is having sundays scariest in flight back so she gets drunk which makes her argue even more the closer we get home the more she argues. We’re home and arguing ab everything in the world but what I need to be focused on. I bring up how am I making the trip to the job for the weeke if trading she flips and says I’m taking you to your moms. I start drinking. Wake up mom how am I getting there looking at bus services but how’d I get to work? Ok rental? All require credit card.. I have zero dollars. Waiting for part tim job to pay oh it finally hit how am I getting to train???? This car rental company doesn’t require a cc.
I get there 200 deposit ok Mom loans me some Monday how many days? 4 be back on gfs bday2 days before christmas oh u need to be here at 12.... I can well then u can return the car Tuesday but it’s 98 bucks okkk guess I’ll being it back Saturday by noon. All in all it was 400 bucks the shady Craig’s list job said would re inviting me they’re covering my hotelmoms relived to get me out of her hair gf is just bickering arguing w me via text oh and my cell service is shut off so I rely on WiFi. 2 hour car ride no cell service..
I get there in one piece but missed second day of training bc I wanted to be in a bed in a hotel by my self not listen to my gf bitching or have my mom nagging and wanted to just drink. Which I held together made it to work skipped breakfast the job is so shady I’m worried swats going to break in. Nothing dangled or sex or drug related with job just working with cheeses car accident attack victim attorneys. The guy training me show me a you tube clip talking ab our state- it had to have been the same people I can’t rven process what just happened. Why the **** did I come alll Thai way borrow money and get this job.........?!
Get done with work not paying any attention to anything. Get lost, pass anstrip club I’ve heard of, have no map or gpstakes me an hour to find hotel get a 12pack. Drink 8 beers start texting guy from training (bc the hotel has WiFi) ask him if he wants to go to strip club he laughs and sad no my kids going to be born soon but tells me I should. I smash 12 pack. Go get another bc it’s byob go there black out ff to be getting to hotel no idea how I got there I’m pinballjng off the walls of hallway fall and hit my head so hard. Back to black out. Some how wake up in my bed. A receipt tells me I got home via cab. Check my balance on my phone 100 at stir club all these little rancondom separate charges 100s spent. So I go get more beer fuckibg right I’m sick that’s what I told work and my “friend” I’m training under who old me the job was a scam and shady as **** and he’d quit if he weren’t having skid and referred me to strip club. I text him hey I’m not gonna make it today I don’t feel well he laughs and says don’t lie you went to the syrup club your hung over. But he was wrong I wants hung over I was drunk. I remover throwing up and stumbling around the room and shutting messy diarea. So I was sick ya am sick. Get an email that I’ve been fired and I have two days of hotel so why sober up and go argue with gf how I ruined her birthday and Christmas or be at moms while she’s angry at me too.
Cheers let’s get just a 6 pack of tall boys and chill. It it’s only a warm up and brings me back to a state I can only call feeling normal. Arguing with my gf more ab how terrible of a person I am she keeps up with my location via my phone as I do her she turns it off and her Tex’s are more and more angry it’s her b day. I need more beer.
I’ll have get a 12 that should be enough that’s like 20 beers today. She just understand the way I feel crashing my car, oh I quit my part time job too so lost them both, her 3 abortions my younger brother just having a son, the deaths off all fathers family but one, her not wanting to be together her just constant fuckibg agruing and I’m supposed to be there for her b day. She ends of a friends ex bys house won’t addresa it at all and just is fighting ab me quitting this job and how it’s the worst Christmas... I stay there until Christmas.
Wake up to not present under a tree but at least 4-12 packs gone and 6 -6 packs worth of garbage all over hotel floor. gfs location off more beer. Moms freakingnout ab how she’s a lone for Christmas I stop drinking and drive 2 hrs during Christmas and am so panicky paranoid I can’t even put it into words I was pouring sweat and look down and there are empty beer car and bottles in car. I’d get a dui if stoped. Pull over throw all that **** away. I look like death. Oh I spend 6days out of town should have been 2.... makenit In to city limits passing the exit all my family is gathered at and Mom pass my gfs exit where all her family is having Christmas I go to the nearest gas station and grab beer head to my moms drink ass fast as I can I am vomiting shorting sweating. Arguing with gf and anxiety my mom coming home or a sibling. I’m alone and it’s christmas. Rental car needs to be returned my gf def cheated. I need more beer idk how many days I’ve been here at my moms locked in my room with the door locked- waiting for her to leave so I get more beer in rental car that needs to be retuned
Last edited by AllamericanA; 12-27-2017 at 12:37 PM. Reason: Left my age out
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Sorry for the big catastrophic list of problems that brings you here. Most of us used to have life as chaotic (if not as exciting or exotic) as that.
Thankfully the solution is simple. Not easy necessarily, but definitely simple.
So. Now you get to decide. Where do you want to place your focus. In the problems. Or in the solution?
BB
PS The solution is not drinking.
Thankfully the solution is simple. Not easy necessarily, but definitely simple.
So. Now you get to decide. Where do you want to place your focus. In the problems. Or in the solution?
BB
PS The solution is not drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
It's like you copied a page out of my diary from 15 years ago.
I don't miss any of that.
If you want change - and why wouldn't you - you've found a great place to help you do that
Not getting more beer would be a great first step?
let us know how you're doing
D
I don't miss any of that.
If you want change - and why wouldn't you - you've found a great place to help you do that
Not getting more beer would be a great first step?
let us know how you're doing
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 9
[QUOTE=Dee74;6724124]It's like you copied a page out of my diary from 15 years ago.
I don't miss any of that.
If you want change - and why wouldn't you - you've found a great place to help you do that
Not getting more beer would be a great first step?
let us know how you're doing
What was your story like? It’s like I went in a black hole nothing mattered but drinking more.
I don't miss any of that.
If you want change - and why wouldn't you - you've found a great place to help you do that
Not getting more beer would be a great first step?
let us know how you're doing
What was your story like? It’s like I went in a black hole nothing mattered but drinking more.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
What was your story like? It’s like I went in a black hole nothing mattered but drinking more.
I got sober in 2007 and it's great to be able to remember every moment since then.
Life's a lot less chaotic too - and all the drama about people letting me down doesn't seem to happen anymore.
I can look at myself in the mirror and not be ashamed at the face staring back.
I feel pretty happy, even in the bad times, and I remain optimistic for the future.
I have a sense of deep and abiding feeling of peace too.
I couldn't say any of those things while I was drinking.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Yeah that was pretty much my story for a lot of years. There are still whole years I can't remember anything of.
I got sober in 2007 and it's great to be able to remember every moment since then.
Life's a lot less chaotic too - and all the drama about people letting me down doesn't seem to happen anymore.
I can look at myself in the mirror and not be ashamed at the face staring back.
I feel pretty happy, even in the bad times, and I remain optimistic for the future.
I have a sense of deep and abiding feeling of peace too.
I couldn't say any of those things while I was drinking.
D
I got sober in 2007 and it's great to be able to remember every moment since then.
Life's a lot less chaotic too - and all the drama about people letting me down doesn't seem to happen anymore.
I can look at myself in the mirror and not be ashamed at the face staring back.
I feel pretty happy, even in the bad times, and I remain optimistic for the future.
I have a sense of deep and abiding feeling of peace too.
I couldn't say any of those things while I was drinking.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by AllamericanA
What’s the moral
Sounds like you have some solid planning/actions to start implementing..yes? As I was told when I first came here: "Looks like drinking isn't doing you any favors."..I didn't listen and lost A LOT!!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by AllamericanA
so how did you do it?
This is a great read for some of the plans/programs that folks here have used.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...at-we-did.html (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))
Most likely your addiction is steering the robot right now...but you can grab the wheel back if you choose to.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by DontRemember
I say this kindly; "Don't be that guy." Is what I got from it and I've done waaaayyyy worse things in my history btw..
Sounds like you have some solid planning/actions to start implementing..yes? As I was told when I first came here: "Looks like drinking isn't doing you any favors."..I didn't listen and lost A LOT!!
Sounds like you have some solid planning/actions to start implementing..yes? As I was told when I first came here: "Looks like drinking isn't doing you any favors."..I didn't listen and lost A LOT!!
This this safari version is awful.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 9
Originally Posted by Anna
Welcome!
Do you want to stop drinking? If so, you have found a very supportive place.
Do you want to stop drinking? If so, you have found a very supportive place.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Originally Posted by AllamericanA
so how did you do it?
I think most folks know my story.
The turning point for me was acceptance - acceptance that I was an alcoholic - and the acceptance that I could not drink 'like everyone else'.
So I stopped drinking. I did everything I could to maintain that commitment. I still do, nearly 3 years on - every day.
I nearly died, so fear played a large part in that - I also spent a lot of time here@ SR reaching out, and a lot of time tossing and turning, kicking the walls and deliberately not going out when all I wanted was to run down the road and get a bottle.
It's not easy but I believe it is possible to do that and not give in to the inner voice. The folks here helped me immensely by giving me faith in myself when I had none.
But yeah, not drinking only got me so far. I see not drinking as only the first step in a long journey. I had to change the person I was too.
My alcoholism *became* all pervasive but I believe I *started* to drink for definite reasons - mostly to fill a void within myself.
To heal my 'void', the first step is to stop poisoning myself with drink. I then had to get into what the void was, and how best I could start healing it.
It was a paradox for me to discover that the way towards that was not by thinking more about it, but actually thinking less, and doing more.
I did a lot of service work here, and still do because it helps me to be of service and to give back after many years of taking. It also helps keep me grounded and in perspective.
I also rediscovered my spiritual side - my initial recovery was secular - just don't drink...but it's hard to ignore the wonder in this world when you really start to recover.
It's hard for me to drink when I'm connected to the world in a more than a material way, and when I'm humble and grateful for the blessings I get everyday.
You know I could go on, but that's enough really LOL.
I'm not looking to start a school - I hope my experience helps others but I'm just a guy who found what he needed because he really wanted to quit and he looked hard enough for the way that worked for him.
I encourage everyone to do that. Start the process right away tho - don't wait for 'your way' to fall into your lap - you'll only find 'your way' by going out looking for it, trying a bunch of stuff - and not drinking.
I learned from every single step on my journey - successes and mistakes, friends and foe alike.
But I always kept walking forwards, not backwards
The turning point for me was acceptance - acceptance that I was an alcoholic - and the acceptance that I could not drink 'like everyone else'.
So I stopped drinking. I did everything I could to maintain that commitment. I still do, nearly 3 years on - every day.
I nearly died, so fear played a large part in that - I also spent a lot of time here@ SR reaching out, and a lot of time tossing and turning, kicking the walls and deliberately not going out when all I wanted was to run down the road and get a bottle.
It's not easy but I believe it is possible to do that and not give in to the inner voice. The folks here helped me immensely by giving me faith in myself when I had none.
But yeah, not drinking only got me so far. I see not drinking as only the first step in a long journey. I had to change the person I was too.
My alcoholism *became* all pervasive but I believe I *started* to drink for definite reasons - mostly to fill a void within myself.
To heal my 'void', the first step is to stop poisoning myself with drink. I then had to get into what the void was, and how best I could start healing it.
It was a paradox for me to discover that the way towards that was not by thinking more about it, but actually thinking less, and doing more.
I did a lot of service work here, and still do because it helps me to be of service and to give back after many years of taking. It also helps keep me grounded and in perspective.
I also rediscovered my spiritual side - my initial recovery was secular - just don't drink...but it's hard to ignore the wonder in this world when you really start to recover.
It's hard for me to drink when I'm connected to the world in a more than a material way, and when I'm humble and grateful for the blessings I get everyday.
You know I could go on, but that's enough really LOL.
I'm not looking to start a school - I hope my experience helps others but I'm just a guy who found what he needed because he really wanted to quit and he looked hard enough for the way that worked for him.
I encourage everyone to do that. Start the process right away tho - don't wait for 'your way' to fall into your lap - you'll only find 'your way' by going out looking for it, trying a bunch of stuff - and not drinking.
I learned from every single step on my journey - successes and mistakes, friends and foe alike.
But I always kept walking forwards, not backwards
Basically I made changes in my life - how I had fun, how I solved problems, how I dealt with strong emotions...and I found support to help me when I wanted to drink.
Hour by hour day by day I stopped drinking and worked on making myself and my life what I wanted them to be - and things got better.
D
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by AllamericanA
I’d like to the constant expectations are terrible and have beaten me down only friend I have now is booze. Is there and app I just pull safari and refresh this.
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