Blogs


Notices

Newcomer question

Old 12-26-2017, 02:20 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 7
Newcomer question

I am battling with going back into a relationship with a spouse who is still in his addiction. He denies he is addicted but when I said I didn't want him to drink anymore and that if he didn't I could come back, he said he would "only drink every now and again and that he is in control and can decide how much to drink"

I am thinking it looks like a bad idea

My two adult children are with him and I miss them and feel like my time to be with them is slipping away. Soon they will move out and that will be the end of this brief moment in time where I can still be with them on a daily basis

I need people to be honest and blunt as my heart is hurting and I keep going back and forth in my head. One moment I believe it will be ok and the next I'm afraid of losing myself all over again
Soulwars is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Soulwars For This Useful Post:
Anna (12-26-2017), DarklingSong (12-27-2017), least (12-26-2017), tomls (12-26-2017)
Old 12-26-2017, 02:40 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 53,710
Welcome, Soulwars!

I'm sorry for your situation. Alcoholics cannot moderate or control their drinking. Do you think your husband's drinking is a problem for you? That's the question you need to answer. Can you spend more time with your children without going back to the relationship? Do they stay with you sometimes?
Anna is online now  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Anna For This Useful Post:
DarklingSong (12-27-2017), least (12-26-2017), tomls (12-26-2017)
Old 12-26-2017, 02:48 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: eastern USA
Posts: 84,729
Blog Entries: 32
I think it's a bad idea too. If he's still drinking, he's going to feed his addiction at any cost.

I hope you have some support for yourself.
least is online now  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to least For This Useful Post:
DarklingSong (12-27-2017), tomls (12-26-2017)
Old 12-26-2017, 03:15 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
tomls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,263
I agree with the 2 ladies.
tomls is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to tomls For This Useful Post:
least (12-26-2017)
Old 12-26-2017, 03:17 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by Anna View Post
Welcome, Soulwars!

I'm sorry for your situation. Alcoholics cannot moderate or control their drinking. Do you think your husband's drinking is a problem for you? That's the question you need to answer. Can you spend more time with your children without going back to the relationship? Do they stay with you sometimes?
When he is drinking, he is the type of drunk that wants to party on. He can make incredibly compromising decisions
The thing is, he isn't always drunk. But I never know what will happen. He sliced his hand open at work not long ago and got drunk to "numb the pain". But he said he knew what he was doing. He claims to be able to decide how much he will drink. But then he drove home. So I never know what sorts of decisions he will make when he's drinking. And, of course, can't control him or his decisions
Is there a length of time that someone should be in recovery before the relationship should be resumed?
Soulwars is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Soulwars For This Useful Post:
least (12-26-2017)
Old 12-26-2017, 03:29 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 187,676
Blog Entries: 1
hi soulwars

I'd be looking at ways to spend time with your kids that don't require you to go back into something you left for good reasons.

That way even if they move out you'll still have a connection

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
DarklingSong (12-27-2017), least (12-26-2017)
Old 12-26-2017, 05:35 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Maudcat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 6,938
Hi, Soulwars.
Welcome. Glad you found us.
I agree with Dee. You got out of the marriage because of the drinking.
Why go back to that?
Gotta be ways for you to see your children without going back to a dysfunctional marriage.
And....addiction is progressive.
It will get worse.
Something else to consider.
Maudcat is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Maudcat For This Useful Post:
DarklingSong (12-27-2017), least (12-26-2017), Soulwars (12-26-2017)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:05 PM.