Soulwars

I am battling with going back into a relationship with a spouse who is still in his addiction. He denies he is addicted but when I said I didn't want him to drink anymore and that if he didn't I could come back, he said he would "only drink every now and again and that he is in control and can decide how much to drink"

I am thinking it looks like a bad idea

My two adult children are with him and I miss them and feel like my time to be with them is slipping away. Soon they will move out and that will be the end of this brief moment in time where I can still be with them on a daily basis

I need people to be honest and blunt as my heart is hurting and I keep going back and forth in my head. One moment I believe it will be ok and the next I'm afraid of losing myself all over again

Anna

Welcome, Soulwars!

I'm sorry for your situation. Alcoholics cannot moderate or control their drinking. Do you think your husband's drinking is a problem for you? That's the question you need to answer. Can you spend more time with your children without going back to the relationship? Do they stay with you sometimes?

least

I think it's a bad idea too. If he's still drinking, he's going to feed his addiction at any cost.

I hope you have some support for yourself.

tomls

I agree with the 2 ladies.

Soulwars

When he is drinking, he is the type of drunk that wants to party on. He can make incredibly compromising decisions
The thing is, he isn't always drunk. But I never know what will happen. He sliced his hand open at work not long ago and got drunk to "numb the pain". But he said he knew what he was doing. He claims to be able to decide how much he will drink. But then he drove home. So I never know what sorts of decisions he will make when he's drinking. And, of course, can't control him or his decisions
Is there a length of time that someone should be in recovery before the relationship should be resumed?

Dee74

hi soulwars

I'd be looking at ways to spend time with your kids that don't require you to go back into something you left for good reasons.

That way even if they move out you'll still have a connection

D

Maudcat

Hi, Soulwars.
Welcome. Glad you found us.
I agree with Dee. You got out of the marriage because of the drinking.
Why go back to that?
Gotta be ways for you to see your children without going back to a dysfunctional marriage.
And....addiction is progressive.
It will get worse.
Something else to consider.