Kicking the can...down the curb
 

I made it for 2 hours at work today, enough to keep my job but not enough to stay sober. The hangover was so bad, I bought wine to ease the pain. Now I am simply kicking the can down the curb, the pain will still be there tomorrow, I have to find another way. :headbange

Hey WF. Good on ya for a least trying to make it through work today. Can you ditch the wine, make some food, loads of water and start over tomorrow.

You know yourself it doesn't stop, or help anything. You'll just feel like s**t tomorrow and so the cycle continues. Please give getting sober a go. You can do it. Gabe x

:grouphug:

I agree with Gabe. You’ll definitely feel a lot fresher tomorrow and will have a better chance of breaking this cycle🙂

From my personal experience; That "can" kicks back before too long. Soft kicks at first..then straight up cage fight kicks..then it becomes deathmatch kicks. I stopped kicking the can. That was/is less painful for everyone involved.

do you WANTmto get and stay sober?
are you WILLING to go to ANY lemgths for victory over alcohol?

tomsteve,

I have seen your posts often, and you seem very knowledgeable and straight forward, Do you think I need to give in to my fear of alcoholism? I find myself quitting and happy as a lark. Then, my mind says drink, and sometimes it's so strong, that there's no fighting it. I can usually feel the AV talking, but this feels different. This feels like ME saying go drink, my av is still sleeping. Is there a difference in the AV and ones own want to drink?

thanks for your time....

IME my want and need became the same for a while. I was 'ok' there,so I thought. Then the need(AV) starts to outweigh the want. I did NOT want to drink,but I 'needed' to. Weird feeling..almost like I was not in control of my body/actions to go buy booze.. That's when I gave in and accepted the 'horrible' :scared: defeat of not putting poison in my body or making horrible decisions while drunk any longer .

Edit; What fear over alcoholism do you have? Never drinking again? That's your AV thinking/talking.

I don't believe thats true.

I don't believe its true because I spent my first 30 days sober hooked up to SR like an IV drip.

The physical cravings were bad but the mental obsession and the fear were even worse for me.

I posted I cried I kicked the walls, I screamed at the sky...but I didn't drink.

I'm not saying that to put you down or to raise myself up as some kind of sober superman - just to point out that I did it, and I am no different to you.

If you believe there a level of life, or pain, or craving or whatever where the only solution is to drink, you're lost before you start.

There are alternatives - SR is one, meeting based groups like AA or SMART Recovery or Lifering are another.

There';s Rational Recovery and a whole host of other groups as well.

You could see your doctor or your therapist. You could look into inpatient or outpatient rehab.

There are probably more alternatives you can think of for yourself.
you need to start looking for them wildflower :)

D

Dee,

How did I go from "strong sober gal" to "fall down drunk" in just 2 days? Is my mind still playing tricks? I tried to stay true today, and my mind said "You can find instant relief". Is this my AV?

Thank you, please don't shut me out...I will get better.

My fear is walking into the room and crying, I'm always so emotional/ I don't want to see anyone I may know. Keeping my privacy is keeping me from getting help. I'm almost ready to pack in the towel, tell my work that I need a long holiday, and fly to another country. And then, walk in and admit I'm an alcoholic...

chances are your "secret" isn't really as secret as you want to believe. if you went to work massively hungover and only lasted two hours, that does not go unnoticed. it wasn't clear if you drank wine and then continued at work, or left for home.

they say we are only as sick as our secrets. the disease wants you to stay in fear, wants to hid in the shadows, wants to keep you in the shadows as well.

I'm not planning to shut you out and I very much doubt if anyone else is either :)

I had 2 months sober in 2004. I decide to drink at my high school reunion - one night.

When I finally put down the drink again it was 2007 - I went right back to where I left off and then got worse than that.

The first drink started it all off.

As long as we don;t take that first drink, everything will be ok :)

It's not easy but it is simple - the way out of the madness is not to drink anymore - no matter what.

Your inner addict will over complicate that and give you a load of 'yeah buts' and 'what ifs' but that really is the way out.

Put down the bottle and keep it down.

You can do this - not tomorrow or next week or 2018 but right now.
D

I'm putting down the booze, I'm going into the dark side. I know there is only one way...go through it! My doc has prescribed me a Xanix PRN (as needed) for 30 days. Has anyone used Xanix from a doc to help with alcohol withdrawals?

I don't think you'll need the Xanax for more than a few days. Physical withdrawal doesn't last a month, only a few days to a week.

Xanax is also addictive. I wouldn't take it any longer than you have to to get thru the w/d.

Then just don't drink anymore.

Hi Wildflower,

I'm glad you are back tonight, I hope you've poured out the wine so you are able to work tomorrow with a clear head. You definitely need to find some sort of support to help you stay sober.

SR was my lifeline in the beginning, but I needed to log on and post and read throughout the day and any time the thought of alcohol pooped into my head I was on here.

Maybe inpatient, or intensive outpatient would be a good fit for you to get that intital sobriety back under your belt, and also help you put s plan in place for after.

WildFlower, we are all here for you. A relapse is devastating and the AV is awakened telling you every kind nonsense. Just take it one day at a time. Like you, once I took the first drink it was very hard to stop. It felt near impossible. I came here and am just reading and posting every hour if necessary. You can do this. One thing that helped me was to talk to someone about how I was feeling. Like you I want my privacy but letting a close friend know can really help.
I am in your corner.....don't give up.
Support to you.

Your AV is strong because while you're drinking you're feeding that beast. That's why it's being so convincing and confusing again.

Another oartbof your thinking is bring you HERE! To a sobriety forum. I think YOU want to be sober but now you're drinking you're struggling to distinguish the true from the false. Your rational thinking from your addiction talking to you.

Let me tell you a little trick someone taught me about distinguishing our A/V from our rational thinking.... If it tells you that alcohol would be a solution, a good idea, or okay - then its your A/V talking and you should just acknowledge it but not act on it. Not even argue with it (no point arguing with an unscrupulous cheat and liar like the AV after all, it just makes stuff up as it goes along). I had to think off mine as like a toddler on the ask. All those things a toddler does to get its way - the whining, the cajoling, the sweet-talking, the pouting, the foot stamping, the thumping, the screaming , the throwing itself on the floor and crying - my AV and I went through most of them. It wasn't pretty. Neither was I - acting out like a toddler myself some of the time when my AV squished through the cracks.

Its not pretty - and the only way to weaken them is to starve them. You keep feeding it, and that beast will stay strong. And that goes for anything that you're taking or doing addictively. No point replacing one addiction with another. Food is food to those AVs of ours. Whether it's alcohol, drugs, or things that prompt our own chemicals releases to go onto overdrive through gambling, sex, porn or whatever. Please don't keep feeding it.

BB

Hopefully you've moved on from this self assessment but if not then here is your direct answer:

You haven't gone from "strong sober gal" to "fall down drunk" at all. YOU'RE JUST TELLING YOURSELF THAT.

Don't be a self fulling prophecy please???

Love & Strength from the UK.

can ya explain the fear of alcoholism?
fear of continued drinking or fear of life without alcohol maybe?
or maybe neither?

reads like a pink cloud burst.
the truth is getting sober can be a mental battle. personally i call it the mental obsession with alcohol. years and years of drinking, my natural thought for everything was "get drunk." did it for so long that when i stopped drinking, i still had a mental obsession.
it was something i couldnt fight on my own.