Think I've become a high functioning alcoholic - worried
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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Thanks for the insight, i will definitely check out the link. I know what you mean by white knuckling and i dont want that to be my life. The last time i quit for 5 years, after about 2-3 months not only didn't i miss it, i felt bad for people sitting in a bar all afternoon losing time. I'm hoping i find that place again. I need that to happen
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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Originally Posted by RP4595 
Long story short I started drinking at 16. and binge drank heavility through HS and College. In my 20's I had a massive panic attack hungover that sent me to the hospital and so scared me that I did not touch a drop for over 5 years.
Moved to a new state in 2004, 3 months after moving into a community where no one talked to each other a neighbor showed up to welcome us with a 6 pack of Heineken (which I hate). I did not want to be antisocial so i had 3 of them and was on cloud 9. That started a 10 year cycle of a consistent pattern of drinking 2-3 days a week 8-10 coors lights / session (never really drink anything else). During this time my personal and professional life continue to thrive. I climbed the corporate ladder, got married, had kids and was running a $600 million dollar company at 36 year old. Never really saw anything wring with my drinking as all the people i chose to socialize with were doing the same thing
I went through a mini midlife crisis 3.5 years ago and will spare you the details but it resulted in me leaving my corporate job and buying my own business. This gave me a LOT more freedom and free time and i seem to have filled a lot of it with drinking. I still run 6 days a week and go to the gym to lift weights 4-5 days a week so on the outside everything looks fine. Business and finances are great and the family is fine. The problem is i have been escalating my drinking and have gotten up to drinking ~5 days a weel and 12-15 light beers a session. All my bloodwork is fine, etc but this can't be healthy.
I keep saying i am going to stop again but i get so bored i end up only lasting 3-7 days at a time. I dont get withdrawl or anything and as of now there has not been a big reason to stop the party. I imagine i am destroying my body though and on Christmas eve I told myself i really HAVE to cut down. I'd actually like to stop but i at least want to get back to just weekend indulgences.
I dont know what else to say, i am on day 2 of this and Christmas was fine without it (It's been MANY years since a dry Christmas. I don't drink it front of my kids but i feel i'm living a lie.
Anyone else been here.... I'm confused and really just need a change. For all of the exercise i do I figure if i cut out the 6-8k calories a week i am drinking i should probably get in uber shape and my organs will thank me for it to.
I need some outside motivation. Guess thats why i'm here as i can't seem to ge tthere on my own which is hard for my personality to accept. I've gone to a few AA meetings, they do nothing but depress me. I find it depressing and a lot of victim centric which is fine if it works but that doesnt work for me. Not sure where to go................
Moved to a new state in 2004, 3 months after moving into a community where no one talked to each other a neighbor showed up to welcome us with a 6 pack of Heineken (which I hate). I did not want to be antisocial so i had 3 of them and was on cloud 9. That started a 10 year cycle of a consistent pattern of drinking 2-3 days a week 8-10 coors lights / session (never really drink anything else). During this time my personal and professional life continue to thrive. I climbed the corporate ladder, got married, had kids and was running a $600 million dollar company at 36 year old. Never really saw anything wring with my drinking as all the people i chose to socialize with were doing the same thing
I went through a mini midlife crisis 3.5 years ago and will spare you the details but it resulted in me leaving my corporate job and buying my own business. This gave me a LOT more freedom and free time and i seem to have filled a lot of it with drinking. I still run 6 days a week and go to the gym to lift weights 4-5 days a week so on the outside everything looks fine. Business and finances are great and the family is fine. The problem is i have been escalating my drinking and have gotten up to drinking ~5 days a weel and 12-15 light beers a session. All my bloodwork is fine, etc but this can't be healthy.
I keep saying i am going to stop again but i get so bored i end up only lasting 3-7 days at a time. I dont get withdrawl or anything and as of now there has not been a big reason to stop the party. I imagine i am destroying my body though and on Christmas eve I told myself i really HAVE to cut down. I'd actually like to stop but i at least want to get back to just weekend indulgences.
I dont know what else to say, i am on day 2 of this and Christmas was fine without it (It's been MANY years since a dry Christmas. I don't drink it front of my kids but i feel i'm living a lie.
Anyone else been here.... I'm confused and really just need a change. For all of the exercise i do I figure if i cut out the 6-8k calories a week i am drinking i should probably get in uber shape and my organs will thank me for it to.
I need some outside motivation. Guess thats why i'm here as i can't seem to ge tthere on my own which is hard for my personality to accept. I've gone to a few AA meetings, they do nothing but depress me. I find it depressing and a lot of victim centric which is fine if it works but that doesnt work for me. Not sure where to go................
I hid things on the closet, too. That way, no one could ever know how much I was drinking. Again, it was rarely more than two, but then got to three. The day I finished a whole bottle I realized I was going up the stairs
Once we start obsessing and regularly using, we are dependant drinkers. There is a very short period of time at that level. Then we move to the next
I guess you have to decide if you are comfortable with that. I've accepted that I am lucky to have woken up quick enough and am not drinking. If I start again, I will simply go faster up the staircase
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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I can see ive taken a few steps on that staircase in the last 3 years. Thats what led me here. I certainly cant afford physically or emotionally to go up another step. I'm hoping to jump completely off the staircase or at least back towards the bottom. Today is day 2 . I will NOT drink today
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by RP4595
I can see ive taken a few steps on that staircase in the last 3 years. Thats what led me here. I certainly cant afford physically or emotionally to go up another step. I'm hoping to jump completely off the staircase or at least back towards the bottom. Today is day 2 . I will NOT drink today
I was told to pray and meditate. It worked for me. (As well as meetings) Sounds like you are one of those guys that takes your emotional and physical health into consideration. Meditation may be a very good way to stay to connect to your spiritual or emotional self. Someone else mentioned that the boredom will change. It's true. When we reconnect with the living and start actually living our lives, the boredom goes away.
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I like to blame my drinking on a lot of things. Being decently self employed is one of them. "too much time on my hands"..golfing with clients=drinking. Lunch meetings=drinking,ect...Hell...my partners and I actually opened a 'business' so, we'd have a place to hangout/drink and not be bothered by our SO's and hopefully make some extra cash(this was a actually one good 'drinking idea' we had,as it's bringing in a solid roi). "Going to work." We'd say; when we have home offices that our real work is done from. Then.. I crossed the 'line'. Drinking and driving,stupid arguments,stupid actions,stupid everything! I was trapped in a bottle. I still made/make the same amount of $$,but I got/was lost in my head. Planning/waiting/wanting to drink. I became obsessed with being buzzed to 'function'. My breaking point came a little over a year ago..drinking off my hangover from the night before and sticking a gun in my mouth..**My point:** This thing is progressive. It does not care how much you make,how smart you are,how your family is perfect. It only cares about one thing...the next drink/drug.
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Hi and welcome RP4595 
Like others have said, I managed my life career and relationships pretty well the first ten years (or thought I did at the time)
...the last ten I lost everything.
Eventually I had no choice but to accept that my relationship with alcohol was toxic - and more than that...it always had been and always would be.
I always drank to get wasted - to find oblivion and a little respite from all the things about myself and my world that bothered me.
Turns out not everyone drinks like that. I genuinely thought they did.
I tried everything to keep alcohol in my life - but because of that toxic relationship, I always ended up in the same dark place sooner or later.
Not drinking has set me free - I rediscovered a me I'd forgotten about, and a life thats not only fun but meaningful and full too.
I will fight to retain this life - and that for me means no drinking - trust me it's a very small price to pay.
Despite my fears of what sober me and sober life would look like it's not a loss..it's opening up that self imposed cell door and walking through a free man
D
Like others have said, I managed my life career and relationships pretty well the first ten years (or thought I did at the time)
...the last ten I lost everything.
Eventually I had no choice but to accept that my relationship with alcohol was toxic - and more than that...it always had been and always would be.
I always drank to get wasted - to find oblivion and a little respite from all the things about myself and my world that bothered me.
Turns out not everyone drinks like that. I genuinely thought they did.
I tried everything to keep alcohol in my life - but because of that toxic relationship, I always ended up in the same dark place sooner or later.
Not drinking has set me free - I rediscovered a me I'd forgotten about, and a life thats not only fun but meaningful and full too.
I will fight to retain this life - and that for me means no drinking - trust me it's a very small price to pay.
Despite my fears of what sober me and sober life would look like it's not a loss..it's opening up that self imposed cell door and walking through a free man
D
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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This is all helping so much. Earlier i caught myself thinking that Thursday I am meeting up with a former employee i have not seen in 4 years that needs some career advice. We used to go out for happy hour. I think i am going to change it to a breakfast meeting as I dont have a good footing under me right now to not enjoy a few over the meeting
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Join Date: May 2017
Location: USA
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Welcome, RP.
I am a relative newbie here, but your story resonated with me. Our life circumstances are different, but your drinking story sounds very familiar. I started drinking at 17. I am now 47.
I started out as a weekend binge drinker like you, but the volume and frequency kept creeping up until I became a daily 1+ bottle of wine drinker. It never occurred to me that I had a drinking problem because I worked my way through college, grad school, and a 20+ year career, and I always managed to find myself surrounded by others (friends and colleagues) who drank as much or more than me. Deep down, though, I knew that drinking until I passed out almost every night was not normal.
For me, "high-functioning" just meant that I got really good at hiding my drinking, maintaining appearances, and deluding myself that I had control.
I am going through my own mid-life “crisis” at the moment (lol), which includes intensive therapy. Like many other folks here, I needed to understand why I drink. Turns out that underneath all that running around, keeping busy and drinking were a lot of buried feelings that I didn’t want to look at… anger, resentment, fear, boredom, loneliness, childhood trauma, etc. I used to tell friends that I never understood boredom because there was always so much to do. I now realize that it was just one of many feelings that I avoided or numbed out.
I hit 50 days sober on Christmas Day. This sober/recovery stuff is not for the weak of heart. Some days I am just holding on by my fingernails. I think you are making a good call on changing your meeting to breakfast. Drinking had become such a big part of my life, I find that I am having to re-learn how to do almost everything. It is hard work, but the best decision that I have made so far.
I am so glad that you are here. We can do this together.
I am a relative newbie here, but your story resonated with me. Our life circumstances are different, but your drinking story sounds very familiar. I started drinking at 17. I am now 47.
I started out as a weekend binge drinker like you, but the volume and frequency kept creeping up until I became a daily 1+ bottle of wine drinker. It never occurred to me that I had a drinking problem because I worked my way through college, grad school, and a 20+ year career, and I always managed to find myself surrounded by others (friends and colleagues) who drank as much or more than me. Deep down, though, I knew that drinking until I passed out almost every night was not normal.
For me, "high-functioning" just meant that I got really good at hiding my drinking, maintaining appearances, and deluding myself that I had control.
I am going through my own mid-life “crisis” at the moment (lol), which includes intensive therapy. Like many other folks here, I needed to understand why I drink. Turns out that underneath all that running around, keeping busy and drinking were a lot of buried feelings that I didn’t want to look at… anger, resentment, fear, boredom, loneliness, childhood trauma, etc. I used to tell friends that I never understood boredom because there was always so much to do. I now realize that it was just one of many feelings that I avoided or numbed out.
I hit 50 days sober on Christmas Day. This sober/recovery stuff is not for the weak of heart. Some days I am just holding on by my fingernails. I think you are making a good call on changing your meeting to breakfast. Drinking had become such a big part of my life, I find that I am having to re-learn how to do almost everything. It is hard work, but the best decision that I have made so far.
I am so glad that you are here. We can do this together.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by RP4595
This is all helping so much. Earlier i caught myself thinking that Thursday I am meeting up with a former employee i have not seen in 4 years that needs some career advice. We used to go out for happy hour. I think i am going to change it to a breakfast meeting as I dont have a good footing under me right now to not enjoy a few over the meeting
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 1,543
I'll try to keep it short.
I'm also a CEO that runs a nine figure national operation. It's a living that gives good money, responsibilities and multiple choices.
However - when we drink to excess in such positions we are NOT functioning in the proper sense of the word. And we are certainly not HIGH functioning. That's just b******t and you know it!
We have so many responsibilities when in that kind of role - it never, ever stops. We know we are operating at about 25% of our capacity at best as our thoughts cannot be clear - our emotions can't be entirely consistent - our decisions can't be our best. It's simply impossible.
In addition I also visit the gym, push weights, run etc etc. But that's just the window dressing.
I'm posting on your thread because I have so many similar circumstances and traits.
But I will give you my first impression of your opening post and your subsequent replies. You are about 8 to 10 years behind me in acceptance. I can tell. I've been there. You don't seem ready to me. Not REALLY ready.
Wait until you're in a meeting one day and your hands shake and you see the staff look at you sideways. Wait until you blow your top at something trivial because you're tired and hungover...
This addiction grows... insidiously... slowly..... takes us over.... only then was I ready....
I hope you're further down the road to acceptance than I think you are?
PS - All of the above applies to people in all walks of life. The retired; the self employed; the apprentice; etc. There is nothing 'special' about being a leader of a business (not that the OP is saying that there is)- nor does being 'successful at work make alcoholism worse, better, more important/intense/whatever. I am merely illustrating to the OP that I am in a similar role to him (or was until he started his own business) and therefore have walked in similar shoes.
Regards,
JT
I'm also a CEO that runs a nine figure national operation. It's a living that gives good money, responsibilities and multiple choices.
However - when we drink to excess in such positions we are NOT functioning in the proper sense of the word. And we are certainly not HIGH functioning. That's just b******t and you know it!
We have so many responsibilities when in that kind of role - it never, ever stops. We know we are operating at about 25% of our capacity at best as our thoughts cannot be clear - our emotions can't be entirely consistent - our decisions can't be our best. It's simply impossible.
In addition I also visit the gym, push weights, run etc etc. But that's just the window dressing.
I'm posting on your thread because I have so many similar circumstances and traits.
But I will give you my first impression of your opening post and your subsequent replies. You are about 8 to 10 years behind me in acceptance. I can tell. I've been there. You don't seem ready to me. Not REALLY ready.
Wait until you're in a meeting one day and your hands shake and you see the staff look at you sideways. Wait until you blow your top at something trivial because you're tired and hungover...
This addiction grows... insidiously... slowly..... takes us over.... only then was I ready....
I hope you're further down the road to acceptance than I think you are?
PS - All of the above applies to people in all walks of life. The retired; the self employed; the apprentice; etc. There is nothing 'special' about being a leader of a business (not that the OP is saying that there is)- nor does being 'successful at work make alcoholism worse, better, more important/intense/whatever. I am merely illustrating to the OP that I am in a similar role to him (or was until he started his own business) and therefore have walked in similar shoes.
Regards,
JT
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by JustTony
I'll try to keep it short.
I'm also a CEO that runs a nine figure national operation. It's a living that gives good money, responsibilities and multiple choices.
However - when we drink to excess in such positions we are NOT functioning in the proper sense of the word. And we are certainly not HIGH functioning. That's just b******t and you know it!
We have so many responsibilities when in that kind of role - it never, ever stops. We know we are operating at about 25% of our capacity at best as our thoughts cannot be clear - our emotions can't be entirely consistent - our decisions can't be our best. It's simply impossible.
In addition I also visit the gym, push weights, run etc etc. But that's just the window dressing.
I'm posting on your thread because I have so many similar circumstances and traits.
But I will give you my first impression of your opening post and your subsequent replies. You are about 8 to 10 years behind me in acceptance. I can tell. I've been there. You don't seem ready to me. Not REALLY ready.
Wait until you're in a meeting one day and your hands shake and you see the staff look at you sideways. Wait until you blow your top at something trivial because you're tired and hungover...
This addiction grows... insidiously... slowly..... takes us over.... only then was I ready....
I hope you're further down the road to acceptance than I think you are?
PS - All of the above applies to people in all walks of life. The retired; the self employed; the apprentice; etc. There is nothing 'special' about being a leader of a business (not that the OP is saying that there is)- nor does being 'successful at work make alcoholism worse, better, more important/intense/whatever. I am merely illustrating to the OP that I am in a similar role to him (or was until he started his own business) and therefore have walked in similar shoes.
Regards,
JT
I'm also a CEO that runs a nine figure national operation. It's a living that gives good money, responsibilities and multiple choices.
However - when we drink to excess in such positions we are NOT functioning in the proper sense of the word. And we are certainly not HIGH functioning. That's just b******t and you know it!
We have so many responsibilities when in that kind of role - it never, ever stops. We know we are operating at about 25% of our capacity at best as our thoughts cannot be clear - our emotions can't be entirely consistent - our decisions can't be our best. It's simply impossible.
In addition I also visit the gym, push weights, run etc etc. But that's just the window dressing.
I'm posting on your thread because I have so many similar circumstances and traits.
But I will give you my first impression of your opening post and your subsequent replies. You are about 8 to 10 years behind me in acceptance. I can tell. I've been there. You don't seem ready to me. Not REALLY ready.
Wait until you're in a meeting one day and your hands shake and you see the staff look at you sideways. Wait until you blow your top at something trivial because you're tired and hungover...
This addiction grows... insidiously... slowly..... takes us over.... only then was I ready....
I hope you're further down the road to acceptance than I think you are?
PS - All of the above applies to people in all walks of life. The retired; the self employed; the apprentice; etc. There is nothing 'special' about being a leader of a business (not that the OP is saying that there is)- nor does being 'successful at work make alcoholism worse, better, more important/intense/whatever. I am merely illustrating to the OP that I am in a similar role to him (or was until he started his own business) and therefore have walked in similar shoes.
Regards,
JT
hear, hear, JT..... I had an executive VP mentor in a global multinational company I was with for a few years who was basically you as you describe you. I was a pretty horrific raging drunk under him so of course we got along famously.
Later, when I finally began to creep closer to acceptance.... several years down the line..... I saw the images of him as the images of what I was fast becoming.....
You're absolutely right.
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
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wiseheart and justtony, you captured my thoughts perfectly. I love this:
For me, "high-functioning" just meant that I got really good at hiding my drinking, maintaining appearances, and deluding myself that I had control.
For me, "high-functioning" just meant that I got really good at hiding my drinking, maintaining appearances, and deluding myself that I had control.
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
Functional isn't a type of alcoholic. It's a stage of alcoholism. Which is progressive. You have every right to be worried.
Functional isn't a type of alcoholic. It's a stage of alcoholism. Which is progressive. You have every right to be worried.
I strongly advise you to stop now before it progresses because it will. The reason I'm being so blunt is that it's easy to pretend to yourself that you're "not that bad" or that you've got "another 10 years or so of drinking left". I did that for years. Then it got bad and I was terrified most days. It sneaks up on you. That is of course if you avoid a fatal binge or dui. This thing will kill you and in the saddest of cases you'll be so far gone that death will seem like a blessed relief.
I say this from kindness as I've seen it with my own eyes.
And the great news is that you are absolutely 100% capable of it. Yes it's tough and you'll need to be brave but I guarantee that it is possible.
Please do not underestimate alcohol addiction. Please give it your all.
Please use this wonderful site.
Please make a sobriety plan
Please protect you sobriety like your life depends on it (it does)
Please don't hide away if you have a slip up.
I wish you well and look forward to seeing more if you around in the future xxx
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Scotland
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Hi and welcome - I agree that 'high functioning' is very much a stage of alcoholism, rather than a type. However, no alcoholic I know has ever been able to have control over how long this stage lasts for and how quickly the downward escalation beyond that can occur.
For me, I spent many years in the 'high functioning' stage. My last few months of my drinking 'career', however, I have little recollection of, as the downward spiral occurred very fast. A lot of the time I was in blackout and didn't realise it. I ended up very nearly taking my own life, all whilst in blackout. I ended up in an induced coma and spent 5 weeks in hospital. Only by the grace of God am I alive. And only by the grace of God am I sober. I do attend AA regularly and do now understand what can seem like depressing wry stories at times, but they are all the true stories of my sober, alcoholic friends.
I thank SR, AA and God for my 'new' life in sobriety. A day at a time, I am coming up for 5 years of sobriety. I welcome you very warmly to SR and hope that you can find what you need here
For me, I spent many years in the 'high functioning' stage. My last few months of my drinking 'career', however, I have little recollection of, as the downward spiral occurred very fast. A lot of the time I was in blackout and didn't realise it. I ended up very nearly taking my own life, all whilst in blackout. I ended up in an induced coma and spent 5 weeks in hospital. Only by the grace of God am I alive. And only by the grace of God am I sober. I do attend AA regularly and do now understand what can seem like depressing wry stories at times, but they are all the true stories of my sober, alcoholic friends.
I thank SR, AA and God for my 'new' life in sobriety. A day at a time, I am coming up for 5 years of sobriety. I welcome you very warmly to SR and hope that you can find what you need here
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
I was a "functional" alcoholic for 20 years, then about 4 years ago a switch flipped and I turned into an insatiable alcoholic. The thought of not drinking was always troublesome. It took the first stages of liver disease for me to wake up.
I turned my drinking up to the professional level and opened a bar.
I turned my drinking up to the professional level and opened a bar.
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this is so true.. funny as I read your note. can see my dear friend Sissy... with her long curly blonde hair big smile and snapping fingers.. all dressed up for work and holidays.. loved my friend to bits.. for she was the only person in Tallahassee FL that would chat with me.. over lunch in a store running from one event to another... It took just 2 weeks of being in the office.... that I could see my Pop in her.. mornings a draggy a bit.. off side and a bit snappy at things.. by lunch different more smiles more silly.. lunch in her private office and silence for 45 minutes after.. thought this is how things were done in the far far South.. hot outside saw a mouse run like the devil was after him across the parking lot.... but then the smell of rye .. as she become to warm and would sweat a bit... got to work with her for 3 years. as a temp.. she took me in confidence on several things in life.. and then she was going to marry her Jim.. the southern cowboy older man with patience of a saint.. she was drunk the day of the wedding. it never happened... they did marry in time later.. in Dec of 2010 I was doing a job that was calling numbers in a spread sheet.. came across one and thought funny I can hear Jim Sissy's Jim say something. dialed the number it rang.. and this beautiful voice of the South and Time and Honor came on the phone.. Jim this is Ardy my voice caught.. he just was over joyed to hear from me. . but he said somethings that made me stop... She would have loved to hear your laughter once more .. she would love to have heard of the snow... Jim tell me is Sissy resting can I say Merry Christmas please... yes you may .. but with me . for Sissy passed away this year.. my Dear Young Lady of laughter left us in Feb... he paused with a breath hard.. you do know of her problem with the drink.. even as I nodded he replied I know you did.. Yes Sir I did... ...
why should you stop .. because kiddo you have a huge circle of life around you and someplace on those rings that keep floating out you have someone that thinks of you often.. truly.. as the best Friend or Mate they could ever remember.. please stop please for Sissy for me .. for that Dear Heart that will have tears the day they learn of your passing from this terrible terrible reason that you left.. I am sorry all... know she is here .. one of the only things I truly miss of the South Miss Sissy and her silly silly laughter and ways of the old South...
why should you stop .. because kiddo you have a huge circle of life around you and someplace on those rings that keep floating out you have someone that thinks of you often.. truly.. as the best Friend or Mate they could ever remember.. please stop please for Sissy for me .. for that Dear Heart that will have tears the day they learn of your passing from this terrible terrible reason that you left.. I am sorry all... know she is here .. one of the only things I truly miss of the South Miss Sissy and her silly silly laughter and ways of the old South...
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
Functional isn't a type of alcoholic. It's a stage of alcoholism. Which is progressive. You have every right to be worried.
Functional isn't a type of alcoholic. It's a stage of alcoholism. Which is progressive. You have every right to be worried.
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Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Plymouth, MI
Posts: 147
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
Functional isn't a type of alcoholic. It's a stage of alcoholism. Which is progressive. You have every right to be worried.
Functional isn't a type of alcoholic. It's a stage of alcoholism. Which is progressive. You have every right to be worried.
You dont have withdrawals because your body...your physical body...has not become addicted yet.....YET ....but it will. You are smack dab...in the middle of MENTAL ADDICTION. It took me 26 years of solid drinking to get PHYSICALLY addicted. But I was addicted mentally for about 20 of those years. I got sober....I had 7 years sober at one point. I relapsed....and after only 3 days of drinking when I relapsed...I woke up with severe withdrawals. Only THREE days !! Please dont let yourself get to the point of withdrawals. Its pure hell. Shaking....DT's....night sweats...tremors...a feeling of impending doom.....grand-mal seizures...ZERO motor skills...no coordination....walking even 10 feet is almost impossible. You are at a pivotal point in your drinking but also a very opportunistic point as well. You can stop now. Go to AA....seek help from a councilor ....dont get to that horrific point like so many of us have.....You CAN stop the cycle.... Functioning Alcoholic is like when you see a duck on a pond. Its just sitting on the water...floating...looking so peaceful on the surface....but underneath that water....his little feet are paddling a mile a minute..... just to stay afloat....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 66
All of this is so very helpful in helping me get clarity. I'm on day three here and i feel much better than yesterday mentally and physically. I can feel the fog lifting. I ran yesterday, went to the gym at lunch, again before dinner and ran this morning. My exercise pulse was down almost 10 bpm from where it usually is. I didn't realize i had bags under my eyes until i saw a difference in that and my jawline was more defined this morning.
My problem has been that i've been here a dozen times before. Day 3 feels good, day 4 i feel like superman and naturally high and theni start to crave a drink becuase i feel so good and want to kicj it up even another notch. It's insane and makes no sense. Then one day of drinking feels great which leads to more days of drinking with just a day or two off a week.
I really don't want that anymore. I'm going to stay plugged in here to learn more, stay motivated and see at least what a solid month of just focusing on sobriety feels like. I've always eaten very clean and always exercised a lot so i imagine cutting out 1500 calories a day of empty booze will result in a lot of change physically which should be even more motivating.
I SO VERY appreciate all of the shared experiences here and the feedback. I will NOT be drinking today and i look forward to tomorrow saying it's day 4. Please keep the feedback coming, it's inspiring.
My problem has been that i've been here a dozen times before. Day 3 feels good, day 4 i feel like superman and naturally high and theni start to crave a drink becuase i feel so good and want to kicj it up even another notch. It's insane and makes no sense. Then one day of drinking feels great which leads to more days of drinking with just a day or two off a week.
I really don't want that anymore. I'm going to stay plugged in here to learn more, stay motivated and see at least what a solid month of just focusing on sobriety feels like. I've always eaten very clean and always exercised a lot so i imagine cutting out 1500 calories a day of empty booze will result in a lot of change physically which should be even more motivating.
I SO VERY appreciate all of the shared experiences here and the feedback. I will NOT be drinking today and i look forward to tomorrow saying it's day 4. Please keep the feedback coming, it's inspiring.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 605
Originally Posted by RP4595
Long story short I started drinking at 16. and binge drank heavility through HS and College. In my 20's I had a massive panic attack hungover that sent me to the hospital and so scared me that I did not touch a drop for over 5 years.
Moved to a new state in 2004, 3 months after moving into a community where no one talked to each other a neighbor showed up to welcome us with a 6 pack of Heineken (which I hate). I did not want to be antisocial so i had 3 of them and was on cloud 9. That started a 10 year cycle of a consistent pattern of drinking 2-3 days a week 8-10 coors lights / session (never really drink anything else). During this time my personal and professional life continue to thrive. I climbed the corporate ladder, got married, had kids and was running a $600 million dollar company at 36 year old. Never really saw anything wring with my drinking as all the people i chose to socialize with were doing the same thing
I went through a mini midlife crisis 3.5 years ago and will spare you the details but it resulted in me leaving my corporate job and buying my own business. This gave me a LOT more freedom and free time and i seem to have filled a lot of it with drinking. I still run 6 days a week and go to the gym to lift weights 4-5 days a week so on the outside everything looks fine. Business and finances are great and the family is fine. The problem is i have been escalating my drinking and have gotten up to drinking ~5 days a weel and 12-15 light beers a session. All my bloodwork is fine, etc but this can't be healthy.
I keep saying i am going to stop again but i get so bored i end up only lasting 3-7 days at a time. I dont get withdrawl or anything and as of now there has not been a big reason to stop the party. I imagine i am destroying my body though and on Christmas eve I told myself i really HAVE to cut down. I'd actually like to stop but i at least want to get back to just weekend indulgences.
I dont know what else to say, i am on day 2 of this and Christmas was fine without it (It's been MANY years since a dry Christmas. I don't drink it front of my kids but i feel i'm living a lie.
Anyone else been here.... I'm confused and really just need a change. For all of the exercise i do I figure if i cut out the 6-8k calories a week i am drinking i should probably get in uber shape and my organs will thank me for it to.
I need some outside motivation. Guess thats why i'm here as i can't seem to ge tthere on my own which is hard for my personality to accept. I've gone to a few AA meetings, they do nothing but depress me. I find it depressing and a lot of victim centric which is fine if it works but that doesnt work for me. Not sure where to go................
Moved to a new state in 2004, 3 months after moving into a community where no one talked to each other a neighbor showed up to welcome us with a 6 pack of Heineken (which I hate). I did not want to be antisocial so i had 3 of them and was on cloud 9. That started a 10 year cycle of a consistent pattern of drinking 2-3 days a week 8-10 coors lights / session (never really drink anything else). During this time my personal and professional life continue to thrive. I climbed the corporate ladder, got married, had kids and was running a $600 million dollar company at 36 year old. Never really saw anything wring with my drinking as all the people i chose to socialize with were doing the same thing
I went through a mini midlife crisis 3.5 years ago and will spare you the details but it resulted in me leaving my corporate job and buying my own business. This gave me a LOT more freedom and free time and i seem to have filled a lot of it with drinking. I still run 6 days a week and go to the gym to lift weights 4-5 days a week so on the outside everything looks fine. Business and finances are great and the family is fine. The problem is i have been escalating my drinking and have gotten up to drinking ~5 days a weel and 12-15 light beers a session. All my bloodwork is fine, etc but this can't be healthy.
I keep saying i am going to stop again but i get so bored i end up only lasting 3-7 days at a time. I dont get withdrawl or anything and as of now there has not been a big reason to stop the party. I imagine i am destroying my body though and on Christmas eve I told myself i really HAVE to cut down. I'd actually like to stop but i at least want to get back to just weekend indulgences.
I dont know what else to say, i am on day 2 of this and Christmas was fine without it (It's been MANY years since a dry Christmas. I don't drink it front of my kids but i feel i'm living a lie.
Anyone else been here.... I'm confused and really just need a change. For all of the exercise i do I figure if i cut out the 6-8k calories a week i am drinking i should probably get in uber shape and my organs will thank me for it to.
I need some outside motivation. Guess thats why i'm here as i can't seem to ge tthere on my own which is hard for my personality to accept. I've gone to a few AA meetings, they do nothing but depress me. I find it depressing and a lot of victim centric which is fine if it works but that doesnt work for me. Not sure where to go................
I was always able to function. At least it appeared as though I was. On the inside I was crumbling. Everyday was a struggle to work, and go places. Everything was a struggle but I still soldiered on.
It was no way to live and you will find yourself there if you don't make a change.
You mind is telling you the truth. Don't ignore it.
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