DreamCatcher17

I have a few hours to go before I made another milestone, 3 months. I won't be drinking this evening as I lay in bed next to my little man, he's 2.5 and sick with about 101° fever. I'm not leaving his side. I hope by morning (Christmas eve) he'll be better, we have so many gifts and toys for him, I would love for him to enjoy them!

I've decided to start a thread for easy access to my recovery journey moving forward. Accountability, if you will. Along with struggles, life, goals and whatever else I find I need to share about. All in hopes to help someone else and myself along the way.

These 3 months have been easy, as far as not consuming alcohol. I think why it was so easy for me this time, at least up to this point, is because I've accepted the fact I'm an alcoholic and can no longer have a relationship with alcohol.
This is my 3rd time in 6 years staying clear of booze. This time I also have a son, so there is a difference when it was just me, harming me... Now I can't harm him in the process of harming myself, that's not fair to him.
While I am sober for me as my #1 my little is close at 1.5 😃 my man at #2 reason.
In the past I've been really good up until summer strikes, the hot days on the boat fishing or the excitement of playing softball all summer. My first relapse was July 11th 2012, I was at a softball tournament with my boyfriend (same one I'm currently with) and it was his birthday, I had asked if I could have a drink and I'd watch myself, count my consumption and be really strict with it.
I was... For a few months then I went straight back to my old black out, wild nights.
From here:
I've totaled a brand new car
Replaced new car with used, banged that up 3 times while drunk driving
Got a dwi
Cheated on my boyfriend
(never injured myself or anyone else while driving drunk, THANK GOD)

So, I see absolutely no fun in drinking. Its a very destructive activity.

With it currently being winter I have other things to focus on, my health being a huge one. I have 45 to 60 pounds I'd like to lose by June. I've started the process and am down 16. The holidays aren't helping, so I'm giving myself a bit of a break, I need to stop beating myself up when I eat 80% good that 20% not so good is a mind bender.

I'm getting my creative juices flowing by painting, drawing, crafts and I find so much enjoyment out of the finished product, sometimes. Lol, it's a work in progress just like me.

If you follow along or just browse through. I hope you can get something you need.

Many blessings,
DreamCatcher

Dee74

congrats on 3 months DC. Hope your little guy feels better soon too

D

DreamCatcher17

Thank you so much Dee! Honestly it's so heartbreaking seeing him so out of it. It's been 24 hours now, so I'm praying it's almost over!

least

Congrats on 3 months sober! Keep going, it gets better.

Anna

3 months of sobriety is great!

I'm sorry you've been through a lot, but you're on your way now.

I hope your little guy feels better soon.

PurpleKnight

3 Months is fantastic DreamCatcher!!

Maudcat

Congratulations, DreamCatcher.
For me, accepting that I just couldn’t drink like other people was key.
Peace.

DreamCatcher17

Thanks ya'll! I would say I'm waiting for it to get better but it's pretty good now. Sure, I've had a couple rough patches with the BF and his normie thinking, but I was able to put alcoholism in somewhat of a perspective for him to better understand, which I think he does. So, he doesn't drink at home, but he did just get home from the bar and I'll be sleeping on my sons bed, not mine. Pew, alcohol stench is repulsive.
Pretty sure my little has the flu, first episode happened and now I'm feeling it in my throat, not the Christmas I was planning for but, it's it the end of the world.
Sweet dreams or good morning depending where you are. It's 11:50 pm here in MN, USA. I'm sure I'll stay up to midnight

DreamCatcher17

Went to my AA meeting this morning and was surprised with a beautiful bouquet of flowers for 3 months!
My little is down in the dumps, it was hard to leave him this morning, but Momma needs to remain healthy for all of us.
It was a great discussion. I find so much love and support there, they are all a blessing.

Merry Christmas eve!

DreamCatcher17

Merry Christmas to all!
I've was struck with the sickness yesterday, I think I was able to slow the effects by taking some homeopathic remedies. My little is finally fever free, just sluggish. We'll be hanging on the couch today, hoping for a full recovery by tomorrow.

Have a wonderful day!

DreamCatcher17

No updates on sobriety.
Our house has been hit hard with illness I just want to cry. Everyone is sick, it's been 7 days and the little has a fever again. I am so over the sick I could scream, instead I'll just clean and continue to disinfect.

DreamCatcher17

While I was drinking, well, more like the next day I'd be so full of worry and anxiety of what I had done that I'd bite my nails, they were brittle and fragile.
Well, I stopped biting them and they are nice and long, healthy and always painted now. They are no longer brittle but healthy and firm.

I can drive anywhere at anytime of the day and not worry, well, I still worry about other drunks on the road.

I'm not hungover at work, so my productivity has increased so much. I'm even nice, genuinely nice to clients not even having to fake it.

My house is cleaned more regularly, so is my car.

I used to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, I now vape and my sense of smell and taste is back. I'll have maybe 1 smoke a week with a gf. I don't consider vaping smoking, maybe to some it is, but the smell and taste is so much better and I know who makes the juice and what's in it which is 10000% better than what is in a cigarette.

My complexion is clearer

I'm starting to see me, the strong, independent, no bs kind girl I've missed for so long.

DreamCatcher17

I'm happy to be closing the doors on 2017 and moving into the new year. A new year and new number a new everything. Going into 2018 sober makes me feel stronger, hopeful, a little scared and determined!!

2017 was a very expensive year while in active addiction, between expensive personal driver (body guard, as one of them was needed as I was too wasted to be out, I didn't trust myself to not cheat, so a bodyguard was there), lawyer's (twice, dame offense), fines, coke, my front tooth being repaired from a fall, the casino, and just being lose with money while out drinking.
In 2018 none of the above is welcome!!!!

2017 was good business wise, I'm successful, business grew with little loss.
2018 I'll be in the office more, more productive, more production, game plan for more mortgage company connections!!!

2017 wasn't all bad. I found out who my real friends are and we've just become closer.
We got a boat, I don't think I caught 1 single fish all season, lol. I was only on the boat... 5 times tho.
I read a few new books
I meet some great folks on SR - I wish there could be a bug meet up, that would be pretty neat!

Dueces 2017
Game on 2018

Silverback4

This is great Dreamcatcher. Congrats on your just gone 3 months.
I too have had my little ones and then us hit with the flu this year. Horrible few weeks but getting out of it now, hope you are to.

Will keep an eye on your updates.

DreamCatcher17

Thank you silver.
The flu is terrible, we are finally on the mend today. I appreciate the well wishes so much. I hope we're done for the winter, I can't take anymore, I haven't worked since last week Thursday, rough road but it's looking much better!
Stay healthy yourself and your family

DreamCatcher17

Yes, it's true.

People getting sober intimidate people who are currently struggling with their own ****.
Someone near and dear to me just admitted to me, he is intimidated by me.

Wow!

This was not a spiritual awakening but an awakening non the less.

People are afraid of change, good, bad, ugly or beautiful.

Don't let that bring you down.

This has empowered me.
How so?

I used the be the person no one could count on, NOW?!
I am here to support others, even those still struggling to help them find their way, if they so desire.
This is keeping me going Today and I'm sure many more days, I don't want to fail myself and I don't want to fail those I intimidate because maybe they'll do the same for someone else.

This has also been the reason I've lost a few people still in active use. That's OK, it's not their time, yet. When it is I will have a tool box to share with them for them to start their journey.

Welcome 2018!

Now to put my ego in check.

I am at risk just like anyone else to relapse. Today, I choose to be sober, for me. So I can be fresh, alive and living in the now.

DreamCatcher17

Today marks the triple digits of sobriety. Next milestone, 1,000. OK OK, just kidding, one day at a time.

Happy days!

Gilmer

Congratulations, DreamCatcher!

DreamCatcher17

Thank you Gilmer!

Silverback4

Congrats on 100 that is wonderful.

I totally recognise in my own journey some people around me feeling awkward or intimidated even as you say with the changes I have made.
Someone who works for me has opened up to me also regarding their partners struggles and we have had many long conversations about it which helped me as much if not more than a I think it helped them and really, what the hell do I know?

I have one person close to me that was absolutely petrified In case my sobriety was going to effect their ability to continue with their own challenging relationship with booze, especially over the festive. Now that’s not how I operate and would never expect anyone to change their habits on my account.
I cannot explain ho relieved this person was that this was the case and absolutely champions this fact to everyone else.

Funny how things work.
Best to you and yours DC