Time to be my own best friend
 

I have failed a thousand times in the past four years from this awful disease. I sat with myself sifting through the wreckage of my pathetic
life and how over and over I self inflicted pure torture on not only me but everyone I come in contact with. I know deep down that I will die if I

ever have another drink. My body is shutting down and the withdrawals are almost fatal at this point. I truly surrender. I am 27 and between the seizures, DT's and vomiting blood..not to mention the list of regrets that

could fill a novel . .I am the worst kind of alcoholic there is. If I don't treat my life like it is the only thing that matters at this point I will be dead very soon. I used to be sweet, smart, beautiful, kind...I am none of
these things. What I am is a raging alcoholic that hasn't slept in two days because they're drying out for the billionth time who cringes at the sight of their reflection. Oh Kristin, save yourself...

I don't know if it's appropriate for me to comment because I'm in the exact same boat as you, but... I flinch at myself in the mirror, too. Like, who is that, even?? I can't quite take you seriously, just because I thought I was the worst alcoholic there ever was. Of course, I'm kidding, though. I take your very seriously. I just want you to know you're not alone. It's a crappy state to be in, for sure.

I think you can do it, though. I bet you're still sweet, beautiful, smart, and kind. I bet we both are, deep down. :)

You both are. Your addiction has ravaged a bit, but that can change. Phoenix's are reborn of ashes at least in Harry Potter.
You can turn things around. You can be who you want.

ahnhel,
That truly touched my heart and made me laugh for the first time in days. "I can't take you seriously"...HAHA I needed that! Let's stick around and maybe one day we'll recognize our reflection again.
:You_Rock_

Let's! I don't know about you, but I'm sick and tired of this Dorian Gray nonsense. :)

Ahnhel and kleigh, thanks for being here. I know the feeling all too well. It’s an eye-opener to see the posts from day one-ers. I posted in total desperation, sick, depressed, and hopeless just 4 days ago. It wasnt the first ‘day one’ for me in the last few months. What’s interesting is seeing the difference between the sorrow and hopelessness of the day one posts of all of us, and the posts after just a few days of abstinence. I’m only saying this to try to remind you that it’s the damn alcohol that gets us into that horrible state. I’m beginning to feel less hopeless. You will too. We’re here and we understand.

Kleigh - Be glad you're realizing this now. I went on over 20 more years, insisting I would one day manage it & be a social drinker. You can imagine the devastation I caused myself and others. You can turn this all around & have a wonderful life, free of addiction. It's so good to have you with us.

There us always always hope and it is never ever too late. Change starts with a day one. Post and read as much as you need to here.

Follow the stories of the members here who have what you want :)

D