Back at recovery

Old 12-20-2017, 12:48 PM
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Back at recovery

Hello all. It's been several months maybe even a year since I logged into sober recovery. I used to be very dedicated to my sobriety but fell back into my addictions and self medication after a beloved pet of mine suddenly died. I was so devastated by the loss of this pet, I started drinking again but for the first time I was throwing Xanax into the mix. I got to a point recently where I went through 200mg in a week and a half. I ran out and have been having benzo withdrawals for 4 days. They're similar to alcohol WD, which I find to somehow be worse. My body is healing but I am still in a really dark place (sleepless/night mares/anxiety/depression/vomiting/sweats/shakes/can't eat etc).
During my time with mixing benzos and alcohol I blacked out one night and hit my head. I waited 4 days and went to the ER to find i had a mild concussion. They gave me a CT scan but nothing for the anxiety or withdrawals since I have history with addiction. I don't have insurance so my options with doctors are always limited.
May I just say that we all know how much withdrawals suck. They are painful and feel complicated and make your mind race and you're always sick. I am scared how much danger I put myself in when I fell. I've been drinking for years and luckily nothing bad has really happened to me in terms of a serious injury. But adding pills to the mix somehow felt deadlier? I'm not sure why but my sad Xanax days haunt me when I thought I was just trying to numb the pain.
I want to say that I'm thankful as always for sober recovery. Y'all are always here every time I start back on day one. I'm still very sick today and as usual scared my heart is going to stop. I know the likelihood of this happening is rare but it's mostly my anxiety scaring me. I love my friends, family, job and pets so much. I don't know why I always keep doing this to myself. But now I'm back to start. Day two of being completely sober but on day 4 of xanax withdrawal. Please pray for me.
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Old 12-20-2017, 06:48 PM
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I'm glad you're back, cp. I hope you have medical supervision while getting off the Xanax and alcohol ? Congratulations on your sobriety! You can do this.
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Old 12-20-2017, 09:39 PM
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Old 12-20-2017, 09:42 PM
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Still here Corpone.

I'm rooting for you.
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Old 12-21-2017, 06:41 AM
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Iím praying for you inchworm. I had an incident very like yours and continued to drink anyway. Iím just so thankful you decided to live life sober again. Proud of you for deciding to stop the madness and begin a healthy life. Iím 41 days today. Cravings still hit me, but when they pass Iím very grateful I resisted. I remind myself of how bad life had become and read here about how bad it had been for others. I will be praying hard for you inchworm. Keep me posted
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Old 12-21-2017, 01:14 PM
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It's good to see you back, cornpone!
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Old 12-21-2017, 01:29 PM
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Cornpone, I will definitely pray for you and I'm sending healing thoughts your way.

I'm sorry that you feel and hit your head, but it could have been worse, much worse. I'm glad you are back and working on getting sober and recovering.
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Old 12-21-2017, 06:43 PM
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I'm really glad you're back cornpone. ]

I'm sorry for your loss and for your injuries but I'm really glad you want to fight and get your life back

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