Day 115, not a fan of the holidays
 

So, I'm 115 day sober and haven't posted anything in a while. Although I do post every day on the 24hr thread my commitment to stay sober for the day. So I guess this Is just a little update from my last post.
Things have been going fairly well for me in my new sober journey. I keep learning how to handle different situation sober and that's rewarding in itself but it can be scary at time to. Living sober isn't just about taking away the drink.. I can only speak for myself, but I need to keep learning new skills and practice them everyday in order to get through the "life" part with out drinking. This can be challenging but I'm doing it and doing it sober is so much better.
Now it's the holiday season, I have mixed emotions about it. I get to see my kids for Xmas eve and watch them open all there presents, I'm grateful for this as it's all about them during xmas and watching them smile is the best gift of all. But... I'm feeling horrible that on xmas morning, some other cowboy will be with my kids opening up gifts from Santa. This has me feeling a bit down in the dumps, actually it hurts, it hurts to think about it. It brings tears to my eyes. This is something that has probably sat inside me unresolved for a few years now, as I always stuffed these emotions with alcohol and ignored them. Now.... These emotions get to come to the surface, and they don't feel very good. Lots of tears, but I look at them as tears of healing.
I use my sponsor regularly, and had a great chat/cry with him about this, as he can relate as he reflected back on when he had to go through the same thing. It felt good to share with another alcoholic how I was truly feeling. I thought I'd express it on here to, just to double up my efforts and share with others. As more days pass in my sober journey, I realize how little I truly know about life and how much more there is to learn.
For now, I'll keep doing what is working for me.
Going to meetings regularly and sharing (I'm actually chairing meetings now :). My 1st one was last week and boy was I nervous but It went well.
Talking with my sponsor regularly, very important for me during this time of year.
Continuing with my daily prayer and meditation
Practicing the 12 steps and principles to the best of my ability
Logging in on SR everyday

I'm trudging the road of happy destiny, not always happy but better than the alternative.

Thanks for reading all

Congratulations on 115 days......
As to the need to learn new ways to deal with life, I am trying to do the same thing. It is lovely to hear you talk about your kids and it will be a blessing to you and them to be sober for them this Christmas.

Congrats on nearly 4 months sober! :scoregood Keep going, it gets better. :)

awesome willingness to follow direction!

the actions of a person choosing to stay sober!

the first time i chaired a big meeting i started seeing stars and almost passed out !

im sooooooooooooooooooo self centered


:You_Rock_


:Xmasda

Thank you for sharing all this! What an honest and good program- and you are seeing good things happen, and recognizing them (a big thing for me!)....it will keep getting better if you keep working your program.

This is my second round of sober holidays and it has had some differences than last year- each (so far!) have had their pure joy and their moments of aching tears. It's ok - we just keep going and use the support we have.

Proud of you! I know your kids are lucky to have you sober, too!

Hats,

The holidays are different for me since I stopped being a drunk.

I am not exhausted anymore and i am less stressed.

It is great feeling the same all the time now.

I used to drink myself sick every year. I would be drunk by 9 am on xmas day. I could not drive anywhere. My wife would drive me.

Same for new years.

I am planning on taking xmas weak off work and coming back stronger than than before.

That is the plan .

Booze is not part of my life anymore. It was a habit I learned as a child.

I am aware no longer physically addicted.

I know if I ever drink again it will start to fry my brain and body like before.

For what....a few minutes per drink of being stupified and euporic.

Rediculous and not needed.

Happy holidays.

Congrats on day 115 hats :)

I just wanted take this opportunity to let everyone know that SR is still pretty active over the break - still lots of support and help here, if and when needed :)

D