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Old 12-20-2017, 02:00 AM   #1 (permalink)
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I think I'm doing OK


I've been reading around the last few weeks but not posting anymore. Felt a bit stupid after replasing, especially when I'd been so 'sure' I wouldn't drink again! I've been mostly sober since August, with 3 nights inbetween when I've drank for a night at a time then started working on being sober again the next day. I'm OK with that really. I know its not perfect but I've learned so much about my habit of drinking and what happens to me when I'm in that place, at the crossroads, where one road leads to alcohol and the other to health.
Food is the big thing. Hunger = craving = replease for me. Everytime its been lack of food during the day.
When I read on here of everyone struggles and how we all keep trying, for ourselves and our families, I'm so moved. As humans we are complicated and fragile creatures and its hard to look at yourself in the mirror when you've fallen but then get up and try again. I admire us all for not giving up and I thank you all for everything I read here day to day. It all helps support me in my sobriety as much as it does for everyone.

I've drank 3 times in 4 months. I would have drank 64 times living as I did before. It's not perfect, it still needs work but I think I'm doing Ok. I think I am Ok!
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Old 12-20-2017, 02:07 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Good to see you are still working on your recovery, Gabe!
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Old 12-20-2017, 02:13 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Good to see you are still working on your recovery, Gabe!
Plodding on, slowly but surely. I'll get there in the end!
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Old 12-20-2017, 02:16 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I drank because I wanted to be perfect and have my life just perfect. I know now that "ain't no perfect world". If I accept that I let go of all the things that cause me to relapse. It is difficult trying not to fail and accepting "failures". Right now I am focusing on my success of having 3 days sober.
I loved your post! I'm OK, you're OK♡
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Old 12-20-2017, 02:18 AM   #5 (permalink)
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It's OK

Relapse is part of my story too. We are not failures. Getting back up makes us victors.
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Old 12-20-2017, 02:25 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I drank because I wanted to be perfect and have my life just perfect. I know now that "ain't no perfect world". If I accept that I let go of all the things that cause me to relapse. It is difficult trying not to fail and accepting "failures". Right now I am focusing on my success of having 3 days sober.
I loved your post! I'm OK, you're OK♡
That's it Chloe. We keep trying. Perfectionism is my downfall too. Even on here I wanted to sound smart and together! I'm just ready to be me now. Vulnerable but strong. Just like you. Brilliant job on three days.
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Old 12-20-2017, 02:27 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Relapse is part of my story too. We are not failures. Getting back up makes us victors.
It does. And all those attempts and learning are part of our story. It's just experience we can use to get to where we want to be.
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Old 12-20-2017, 02:32 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi from down the M6 Gabe.
Good to see you posting
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Old 12-20-2017, 03:08 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Glad to see you here.

What's your program this time? Hope you decide on one of action, AA (like me) or one of the others readily available, as IRL support. You have another chance- take it!
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Old 12-20-2017, 05:25 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Relapses were part of my story too.
Glad your back and still working at it.
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Old 12-20-2017, 05:56 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Yes Gabe your right ,us humans are complicated but I don't think anyone here could argue that most of the time we create our own complications .Yes there are situations beyond our control that can drag us down and make things seem complicated ,depressing and confusing . Certainly in my case I have my share of issues beyond my control but also I have many things I can control and drinking is number one . I don't attend AA now but still try my best to apply some of the slogans set out in the rooms my favourite being "keep it simple" .
The serenity prayer helps me too .
There is no way I could ever drink now and then ,for me its all or nothing and I chose nothing that's the only thing that works for me and i'm very happy with that.
If your system is what works for you I cant argue , its what works for you .

I wish you well .
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Old 12-20-2017, 06:07 AM   #12 (permalink)
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I think its great for us not to be overly critical of our progress and I agree that just 3 times drinking in 4 months is overall terrific.
However, I must say that for me there is much danger in that approach. Every single time I go down the rabbit hole, I tell myself I will drink just a few and just this time. And, for me, when I have "just a few" "just this one time" I in fact think its OK to do it again, perhaps the next day, perhaps a few days later. and then, especially if nothing truly awful happens, I do it again! And, there I am: back to blackouts, horrible hangovers, and all the terrible rest!
The problem for me is that alcohol is a highly addictive poison! Even just one drink retriggers for me the cravings, the desires, the compulsions and the insane thinking that "now I can drink safely..."
Nope, I cannot.
Good luck all on your journeys.
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Old 12-20-2017, 06:24 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I quit for a lot of years.

Started up again. "Just this one," "Just on this holiday," "Well, wine with dinner," "Okay, I'll have one."

That actually was how I drank in Drinking Career 2.0. I didn't drink too much, I kept it to every-now-and-then. You know, weekends. Vacations.




Until I didn't.



Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. We say it all the time because it's true. There is something in our makeup that makes us unlike other people. I drank moderately. Then I didn't. This was just as true for me in 2007 as it was in 1972.

Don't fool yourself that it's okay to let a lion out of its cage a little at a time.
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Old 12-20-2017, 09:18 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Glad to see you here.

What's your program this time? Hope you decide on one of action, AA (like me) or one of the others readily available, as IRL support. You have another chance- take it!
Hi August. I've got a few things in place so far. Weekly therapy. I'm gonna post and contribute on here more, reading, swimming and meditation. I'm working on my diet but eating way too much chocolate. I've been thinking about AA and have bought the big book but I live in a tiny island community, there is only 3 meetings a week and many of the clients I support through my work go. I would feel really uncomfortable. Thinking about online groups though.
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Old 12-20-2017, 09:21 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Yes Gabe your right ,us humans are complicated but I don't think anyone here could argue that most of the time we create our own complications .Yes there are situations beyond our control that can drag us down and make things seem complicated ,depressing and confusing . Certainly in my case I have my share of issues beyond my control but also I have many things I can control and drinking is number one . I don't attend AA now but still try my best to apply some of the slogans set out in the rooms my favourite being "keep it simple" .
The serenity prayer helps me too .
There is no way I could ever drink now and then ,for me its all or nothing and I chose nothing that's the only thing that works for me and i'm very happy with that.
If your system is what works for you I cant argue , its what works for you .

I wish you well .
Thank you. I'm still figuring out my system really. I'm just doing the best I can and trying to learn. I think I've just stop overloading myself with options to make it perfect. The perfect recovery! Haha! I am starting to want good things for myself and value my health. That's a massive change for me. To deserve better. It feels good.
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Old 12-20-2017, 09:22 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Gabe,
You should see how brilliant and strong I am when I am sober!
And you shall!
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Old 12-20-2017, 09:24 AM   #17 (permalink)
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I think its great for us not to be overly critical of our progress and I agree that just 3 times drinking in 4 months is overall terrific.
However, I must say that for me there is much danger in that approach. Every single time I go down the rabbit hole, I tell myself I will drink just a few and just this time. And, for me, when I have "just a few" "just this one time" I in fact think its OK to do it again, perhaps the next day, perhaps a few days later. and then, especially if nothing truly awful happens, I do it again! And, there I am: back to blackouts, horrible hangovers, and all the terrible rest!
The problem for me is that alcohol is a highly addictive poison! Even just one drink retriggers for me the cravings, the desires, the compulsions and the insane thinking that "now I can drink safely..."
Nope, I cannot.
Good luck all on your journeys.
Yup, you are spot on. It isn't an approach I am using it's just a work in progress. It wouldn't take long or much for me to go back to constant drinking and hangovers. I'm just not beating myself up about it and carrying on trying to improve. It's better than it was but complete sobriety is the goal.
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Old 12-20-2017, 09:27 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Gabe,
You should see how brilliant and strong I am when I am sober!
And you shall!
I will because you shall be!! I can't wait to hear all about it x
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Old 12-20-2017, 09:51 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
I quit for a lot of years.

Started up again. "Just this one," "Just on this holiday," "Well, wine with dinner," "Okay, I'll have one."

That actually was how I drank in Drinking Career 2.0. I didn't drink too much, I kept it to every-now-and-then. You know, weekends. Vacations.




Until I didn't.



Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. We say it all the time because it's true. There is something in our makeup that makes us unlike other people. I drank moderately. Then I didn't. This was just as true for me in 2007 as it was in 1972.

Don't fool yourself that it's okay to let a lion out of its cage a little at a time.
That tells my story too!!! 15+years sober and then....gradual descent into the hell of addiction and compulsion!
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Old 12-20-2017, 09:53 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Gabe: Godspeed....with support, you (we) can do this!!!
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