SickInLove

I’m so thankful that I found this thread. I too am starting over again on day 1. I have weeks of sobriety and then always ruin it. I have 3 young children and the guilt I’m feeling is overwhelming. I woke up this morning after a night of heavy drinking and immidiatly came on here. It’s 6:30 am here and I have to get up and get my kids to school with a hangover. Why am I doing this to them? They are my life, I do everything for them yet I can’t overcome this addiction. I hate myself today, I really do.

Nonsensical

I disagree. You just haven't figured out how to get around the obstacles in your path. Have you stopped to think what they might be? It would be helpful if we could identify them.

Obstacle #1 identified.

There is a sober path for you. Go find it.

You can do this.

SickInLove

You are right, I really do need to figure out my obstacles. I know one is anxiety, I drink when I am dealing with something that makes me anxious. Also loneliness, I spend a lot of time alone with my 3 kids because my husband works a lot. As soon as the boredom kicks in I start thinking .. “ok kids are at school” I’ll just have a few drinks to make the housework a little less annoying.” I also work at night as a hairstylist so I’ll get home and my mind is racing from listening to people talk all day and I drink and watch Netflix to basically zone out. I am willing to do whatever it takes and listen to any advice. The only thing I can’t do it a rehab facility because I don’t have childcare for my kids and I have no family close and we can’t afford for my husband to miss work and stay with them

Ghoster18

I'm on day 2
A history of relapse but I am not dwelling on the past.
My sponsor said to me today
I want you to
'Keep reinforcing your value'
Every day multiple times
By writing out phrases and truths in 1st person... I am statements! And reading them allowed slowly
And together with other self empowerment exercises get to it and one breath at a time wake up to truth of who you truly are.
Other things I'm currently doing.. .
Simple no fluff/B.S. Journal entries.
Gratitude list taking a bit of time here to elaborate on my gratitude not just one or two words some sentences to help reinforce the power of it!
A to do list follow the plan to best of my ability doesnt have to be perfect I had 12 things down for today I managed 6, the others are down for tomorrow now plus a couple of extras.
I pray it's very non religious and a bit unconventional but it helps me!
I wash up all my dishes
I do my laundry
I brush my teeth twice a day
Sometimes 3 as Well!
I give my dog 3 walks.
I post on here my own threads and reply to others.
That is how I am building defences.
You can build them too!
G

4thegirls

But need to spend more time here. How are the other moms doing? I'm chatting with my online counselor every day, making my to do lists, logging my nutrition. But life just keep throwing punches. It's hard to handle. I felt so great a week ago and thought it would on my get better. Then I found out my 90 year old mother wrote me out of her trust. I was like, are you freaking kidding me? Trauma after drama and trauma.

GirlScreaming

I know this feeling very well. You can make it through this. Perhaps you can start going to therapy too? Maybe even family counseling would help if your drinking has affected your daughters.
I hope you feel better today. Throw out any booze you have and make a plan. Check in here often- we're all here for support <3

4thegirls

I've been seeing a counselor online via Skype and chat. I think i need to really focus on figuring out why I drink.

biminiblue

I drank because it shut down my thinking and made everything better.

I mean, that's the lure/the lie.

Problem is, learning to live life on life's terms is something I couldn't learn while drinking.

I drank because it worked. It DID shut down my negative thoughts - for a minute. Oh, oops - it shuts down all thoughts.

It shut down my chatty brain.

Then it started working against me.

Only way out is stop. First.

The backstory of my life, and what to do about it was what I did after I quit. It's the only way.

Quit drinking, then sort out everything else. Not the other way 'round.

Now I can manage my thinking.