A reminder to myself
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: California
Posts: 142
A reminder to myself
Good morning everyone😁
Today is day 198. I'm feeling good... the last 3 weeks were rough but I'm here and sober.
I thought I had accepted the fact that I cannot/will not drink for the rest of my life. But that's not the fact. I keep thinking if I could just have one last "fling" with booze.
Here is what happened the last time I thought even just one drink was a good idea...
Barely a month after I just got out of a 72 hour 5150 hold (which is it's own little story), I somehow talked my boyfriend into letting me get us a six pack of beer. Telling him I was only going to have a few at most. He drank half a beer and I finished the rest. Then I went on to find box wine in my mom's room (we live together and she's an alcoholic too). I probably drank at least 16 oz. Who knows...
I woke up the next morning with a hangover... surprise, surprise. I begged my bf to have vodka for me when I got off work to make me feel better. This was now Tuesday... I somehow how made it to work 3 more days in the middle of this binge. Ended up twisting my ankle Thursday evening and used it as an excuse to call off of work and of course, I continued drinking.
I pretty much lost the next 3 days of my life. I barely remember calling into work and leaving voicemails for my manager, that later she tried to show me later when I was getting written up. All I really remember is waking up, scrambling for more vodka just so I could go back to sleep. Until it was Sunday night, I knew I wasn't going to be able to work the next morning. Stuck in this mess again, I started to want to self-harm and my boyfriend took me back to the hospital for 5150. Because I didn't any injury this time they let me go home the next day. It was nice to not have to stay at the hospital but this just meant that I had to withdrawl at home without meds. It sucked. The worst feeling ever. I felt physically horrible plus all the guilt and shame, I felt mentally crappy. Ugh.
There it is forever posted on here so I can never forget. One drink will bring me back there... Who knows, maybe it won't. But its definitely not worth the chance.
Thanks for reading.
Today is day 198. I'm feeling good... the last 3 weeks were rough but I'm here and sober.
I thought I had accepted the fact that I cannot/will not drink for the rest of my life. But that's not the fact. I keep thinking if I could just have one last "fling" with booze.
Here is what happened the last time I thought even just one drink was a good idea...
Barely a month after I just got out of a 72 hour 5150 hold (which is it's own little story), I somehow talked my boyfriend into letting me get us a six pack of beer. Telling him I was only going to have a few at most. He drank half a beer and I finished the rest. Then I went on to find box wine in my mom's room (we live together and she's an alcoholic too). I probably drank at least 16 oz. Who knows...
I woke up the next morning with a hangover... surprise, surprise. I begged my bf to have vodka for me when I got off work to make me feel better. This was now Tuesday... I somehow how made it to work 3 more days in the middle of this binge. Ended up twisting my ankle Thursday evening and used it as an excuse to call off of work and of course, I continued drinking.
I pretty much lost the next 3 days of my life. I barely remember calling into work and leaving voicemails for my manager, that later she tried to show me later when I was getting written up. All I really remember is waking up, scrambling for more vodka just so I could go back to sleep. Until it was Sunday night, I knew I wasn't going to be able to work the next morning. Stuck in this mess again, I started to want to self-harm and my boyfriend took me back to the hospital for 5150. Because I didn't any injury this time they let me go home the next day. It was nice to not have to stay at the hospital but this just meant that I had to withdrawl at home without meds. It sucked. The worst feeling ever. I felt physically horrible plus all the guilt and shame, I felt mentally crappy. Ugh.
There it is forever posted on here so I can never forget. One drink will bring me back there... Who knows, maybe it won't. But its definitely not worth the chance.
Thanks for reading.
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