22 days, despite all the loss!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Vallejo California
Posts: 26
22 days, despite all the loss!
I'm Dsp and I'm an addict.
I've been to rehab twice. My family gave me ultimatums so I went. First time, I had 93 days. Relapsed and six months later I went to another rehab. I was in a sober living home for two weeks, then I left and a few weeks later picked up again. That was just over a year ago.
I found myself making excuses about my addiction, and six weeks ago I was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation. 3 er visits in two weeks.
My aunt was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer two days before thanksgiving. She came to live with my parents and I so we had the priveledge of taking care of her in her final days. She took her last breath a few nights ago.
Shortly after finding out about the a-fib, and with a bottle in my hand, and a heart monitor stuck to my torso, I admitted to myself that I had a serious problem, and thought about it for a few days.
22 days ago I was with my girlfriend and we were intoxicated. I told her I want to get clean. We grew distant fast. We broke up last night because my recovery comes before everybody and everything else.
December 13 of last year, my cousin was murdered, so this is a tough time for me right now. I'm still clean and I have a lot of time on my hands, so I started going to the gym, at least one NA meeting a day for the last 22 days, shaved my neck and cheeks, and making friends both new and old in NA.
I don't work because I have mental illness (whole life) that prevents me from sticking to a regular schedule. When I get very anxious I have to reset my mind, and that often involves leaving for a few minutes or much more. Severe anxiety comes and goes when it wants. My last attack was so bad, I thought it was a seizure from withdrawals. Went to the er and had multiple test done(blood, EKG, xray, urine, ultrasound) before the doctors figured out it was anxiety.
So that's why I'm here, and I hope somebody can take something from my introduction and find a positive use for it.
Thanks for letting me share.
I've been to rehab twice. My family gave me ultimatums so I went. First time, I had 93 days. Relapsed and six months later I went to another rehab. I was in a sober living home for two weeks, then I left and a few weeks later picked up again. That was just over a year ago.
I found myself making excuses about my addiction, and six weeks ago I was diagnosed with atrial fibrillation. 3 er visits in two weeks.
My aunt was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer two days before thanksgiving. She came to live with my parents and I so we had the priveledge of taking care of her in her final days. She took her last breath a few nights ago.
Shortly after finding out about the a-fib, and with a bottle in my hand, and a heart monitor stuck to my torso, I admitted to myself that I had a serious problem, and thought about it for a few days.
22 days ago I was with my girlfriend and we were intoxicated. I told her I want to get clean. We grew distant fast. We broke up last night because my recovery comes before everybody and everything else.
December 13 of last year, my cousin was murdered, so this is a tough time for me right now. I'm still clean and I have a lot of time on my hands, so I started going to the gym, at least one NA meeting a day for the last 22 days, shaved my neck and cheeks, and making friends both new and old in NA.
I don't work because I have mental illness (whole life) that prevents me from sticking to a regular schedule. When I get very anxious I have to reset my mind, and that often involves leaving for a few minutes or much more. Severe anxiety comes and goes when it wants. My last attack was so bad, I thought it was a seizure from withdrawals. Went to the er and had multiple test done(blood, EKG, xray, urine, ultrasound) before the doctors figured out it was anxiety.
So that's why I'm here, and I hope somebody can take something from my introduction and find a positive use for it.
Thanks for letting me share.
and you'll like it here, trust me 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Hi DSP. Welcome.
I'm so sorry for your loss last year, and the more recent one. And congratulations on your sobriety thus far. I'm so glad you found us.
As well as the NA meetings have you got a sponsor yet? You know, meetings are only one leg of the stool. We get comfortable when all the legs of that stool are in place. Recovery (the program), fellowship (in the meetings) and service (perhaps formal eventually, but in the meantime just helping set up and clear up or giving people a lift to a meeting or whatever - getting involved I suppose). They all make this thing easier.
Reading and posting here also makes a big difference.
All the best for staying clean and your recovery.
BB
I'm so sorry for your loss last year, and the more recent one. And congratulations on your sobriety thus far. I'm so glad you found us.
As well as the NA meetings have you got a sponsor yet? You know, meetings are only one leg of the stool. We get comfortable when all the legs of that stool are in place. Recovery (the program), fellowship (in the meetings) and service (perhaps formal eventually, but in the meantime just helping set up and clear up or giving people a lift to a meeting or whatever - getting involved I suppose). They all make this thing easier.
Reading and posting here also makes a big difference.
All the best for staying clean and your recovery.
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Vallejo California
Posts: 26
I don't quite have a sponsor. He's having me do 90/90 before he'll sponsor me. I picked him because he has the spirit of recovery I want. I read just for today every morning and text a recap to him, in addition to a phone call daily. Last night I told him I want to get started on step work asap. He said read one page of the basic text a day until I get to step one. Then tell him when I'm there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: Vallejo California
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by JustTony 
Welcome DSP.
I find so much comfort on SR - I hope you find it as useful a part of your recovery plan too?
I look forward to talking to you lots.
I find so much comfort on SR - I hope you find it as useful a part of your recovery plan too?
I look forward to talking to you lots.
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