philly76

Thanks to a furlough (Merry Christmas, right?) I'm off for the next two weeks and already bored out of my mind. Currently, I'm hungover thanks to a night at the bars for Sunday Funday. But it's not all bad, not necessarily. The friend I met up with (who's a real friend, not just a drinking buddy) had just come off a month of sobriety and a curious stint with AA.

It wasn't for him, which genuinely seemed earnest, but he shared a lot of insight from the meetings. Unfortunately, they supported a lot of my preconceived notions, but also piqued my own curiosity, at least enough to try to force myself to go to a newcomers meeting this week.

He said there were a lot of "rock bottom" stories, and I don't think I'm there. I don't think I need to be at rock bottom to get help, but I'm also not big on sitting around and talking about myself without any sort of engagement, i.e. cross-talking. Nevertheless, I want to give it a go. At the very least, it's an hour out of one of my days listening to others. And would it be so bad to go just to meet a few people who don't drink?

I don't know. I've wrestled with this for a few years off and on, and I'm so frustrated with so many things in my life right now, a huge left turn would be welcome change. It's just so hard to walk in all alone, and maybe that's why so many people don't seek help until they hit rock bottom. It's just scary. I have no problem admitting I'm a drunk, even to some of my friends, but going to an AA meeting would feel like it did when I came out of the closet, only in a much more formal setting, which makes it all the more scary.

Anyway, that's all I got. I guess I'd be saying the same stuff in a meeting but with less anonymity. I just have a headache and I feel like my body's begging me to embark on a new chapter in my life. Maybe it's sobriety, and whatever comes with it.

Dee74

Noone ever thinks they need AA

I think it's a misconception that AA is just for those who've had some calamity or otherwise hit bottom. I reckon you'll end up finding all kinds of stories there, just like SR.

As I understand it, SMART meetings might be good for you too if you're looking for cross talk.

Either way, I think going to a meeting every day has got to be better than going to a bar.

Lot of places need volunteers over the next two weeks- might be a way to fill in time and do something constructive, both for yourself and others?

D

least

I hope you can find something to do besides drink. Drinking makes us feel horrible and do horrible things. I don't ever want to go back there. I'd rather be bored than drink.

JVO15

I agree with Dee that the 'rock bottom' thing is a misconception. I've only been to 4 meetings but there were all different types of people there. Yes, some had some pretty rough stories to tell, but some were a lot like myself. Kind of together with a car, family and roof over there head but a genuine issue with booze. I found it helpful to hear all the shares. Kind of let's you know where things could be headed.
Find something to do, even if it's just a drive across town for a burger or something.. I was off 4 days in a row and hit up a bunch of goodwill stores just to see what people were giving away. It's better than wasting all day in front of the TV with a drink which was ,y MO

Arpeggioh

That's about where my head is at these days concerning meetings; luckily, I know just what to expect, having attended many times in my long and checkered past with alcohol abuse.

So, yeah, the format of sharing without discussion is not to my personal tastes, either. But the stories heard could be incredibly helpful sometimes, as sheer motivation to stay quit.

I can easily reassure your fears about walking in alone: I've never been to a meeting where I wasn't warmly welcomed and made to feel at ease, especially if I said it was my first meeting. As a group, AA members are some of the most accepting folks I've ever come across...

That being said, I will share one caveat, which may only relate to my rural area: I was told more than once that a few old-timers wouldn't be "comfortable" hearing any mention of my being gay. I can respect that; I don't see the need for anyone to discuss sexuality at an AA meeting, gay, straight, or indifferent. But if you have local access to GBLTQ meetings nearby, I would recommend them. I felt a whole new level of welcome acceptance there.

But regardless: don't let fear influence your willingness to give them a try; they're a pretty friendly bunch, and it never hurts to know more sober people!

Nonsensical

Sobriety creates living space.

That's the intent, really, to make space in our lives for other things. To do some real living.

Sobriety seemed less important to me until I learned how to fill that space.

Make the plan.
Work the plan.
You can do this.

D122y

Philly,

I used to laugh at non drinkers...more for me.

Now I idolize them.

Each relapse...whether it was 3 days off....a week...a month...deepend my addiction.

I look at pictures from the years leading up to my quitting and it is not obvious that I was poisoned. The damage was slow and barely perceptible.

Then, since nothing else bad happend, it started to get more noticable. The physical and mental addictions are a nasty combo.

I barely got out alive. The insidious nature of alky addiction nearly cost me my life.

I'm blessed, but I am mentally addicted for life.

I crave like a Crack head periodically. But, it dissappears quick these days.

Thanks.

tomsteve

but I'm also not big on sitting around and talking about myself without any sort of engagement, i.e. cross-talking

the great news is that happens at meeting before the meeting, the meeting after the meeting, and with a sponsor.

theres a set of stories in the big book titled,"they stopped in time. this is the prelude thing to it:
Among today"s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.

Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.

Why do men and women like these join A.A.?

The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.

Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.

Therefore, these seventeen AAers and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: "We didn't wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous."

tomsteve

He said there were a lot of "rock bottom" stories, and I don't think I'm there

my rock bottom wasnt as far down the scale as others, yet i could relate with the thinking they had.
i could also relate with the tea totaler that never had any serious consequenses outside of what was happening in their head.

philly76

Ooh, thanks for the reminder! I got an email about volunteering at a food bank and nearly forgot about it. That's a great idea.