Losing interest
 

I’ve been hitting meetings every day. It’s a scramble and I’m losing interest. I get it. People had a hard time. Drinking is bad. The program saved them. Yadda yadda. Feels so soap opera-y sometimes. I’m doing fine. I don’t want to live in fear of drinking. I want to understand it’s bad for me. Understand what helps me stay sober and do that. As I write this I hear my sponsors voice warning that I’m headed for trouble. Can I not though? Can I do the deal without desperation mindset?

I don't know about AA as I have never felt it is right for me.

However I get the impression (happy to be shouted down by those that know) that you're either in AA and living the recovery programme that it sets or you're pretty much not. I know there will be slight gradations of being 'in' but I doubt there are huge swings?

Maybe AA isn't for you but sobriety with another form of support structure is?

I think people can do it without meetings - what you have to decide is are you one of them Press?

You've struggled for a long time - maybe this is something worth pursuing until the 90 days is up?

90 meetings 90 days isn't that much of an investment. What have you got to lose but your misery?

Where are you on the Steps?

D

AA helped me for a while then my mindset shifted such that I began to dread going so I stopped going although I did stay sober for about another year ( 2 years total ). I didn't blame AA or anything specific( although my sponsor was an old git) it was just me ,I could not bear to hear another long dinkathon .

I did go out drinking again over the next few years each binge being worse than the one before but managed various spells of sobriety. This time I am nearly 5 months .

As mentioned above there are other ways to help with living a sober life .
My main tool is 100 percent acceptance that I can never take even a sip of alcohol and with this acceptance comes a certain peace .

Hope you find your way .

So I have said many times I'm not the poster child for AA. But I have learned so much from AA. OH my Gosh I have so much to be grateful for when it comes to all I've learned there.

For me, attending AA and participating as much as I am capable or willing is really helpful. That amount is determined by me. I understand what you're saying about that 'voice'....work the program or you're going to die. But really, is that my sponsor's voice, or anyone else's for that matter? Or is that my recovering voice in contrast with some other voice in me that says 'eh the meetings are 'boring', I'm 'tired' of it...yadda yadda. I hear crap all day long that I may or may not listen to. Why are things/people I hear in AA a 'voice' in my head? Hmmm. Maybe because that recovering person in me knows that I need meetings. Its a few hours a week for goodness sakes. I have an addict in me and a recovering person in me (on simplest terms) and they have opposite agenda's. And they argue at times. Sometimes it requires me to do a bit of detective work to determine who's yelling the loudest.

I can't do a meeting every day. That's just me. So a while back I decided 'ok Frick find a couple of meetings that you really like'. Now, not every meeting can be some life changing, light bulb experience. Sometimes I am watching the clock. But I have 3 meetings that I attend every week. I put them in my calendar and I go. I make that commitment and I keep it. Its 1 hour.

Only you can decide. But think about it a bit. And if you're going to quit, replace it with something else. Just my two cents.

Like many longstanding programs, many could use a facelift. AA has many older people in it, but it needs the next generation to be a part. Why? Because only at the beginning of recovery is it about you. Then what keeps you in the right mindset is helping others. The steps have stood strong for years and effective. Helping people continues to be needed and helpful to the giver and receiver. Being a part of something bigger than ourselves is super encouraging. Getting and giving face to face friendship, hugs, and encouragement is timeless. You can’t get that online. There are many amazing people here, but I don’t know your real names, or what you look like. We would be strangers on the street. I believe it is important that we be a part of things with people whether AA, church, the running club or painting club, be with good people and and be with you higher power (God). We need each other, even if you are an introvert.
Just my two cents........

are you working the steps? reading the big book and 12&12?
are you doing service work?
are you attending step study meetings? big book study meetings?
how about bringing this up as a topic at your next meeting?

it would be wise to do some reading of your posts in these threads,too

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...1-90-90-a.html

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...community.html

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-grateful.html

theres more,too, that would be wise to read

AA claims no monopoly on getting sober. You posted the same thoughts most of us had when coming into the rooms.

This is what I came to understand when asking those questions;

"The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism."

"........spiritual awakening” are used many times in this book which, upon careful reading, shows that the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism......"

Alcoholics Anonymous

Best of luck to you in your journey and to all of us

I think you can make it and you know this phase will pass.
Reach out and accept help and try giving some too it helps.
We just have to control out thinking.
We dont get to choose.
Take care,
V.

Yeah. I’m doing good and I know it’s cause i’m following suggestion. It feels like my individualism is aching to get it. I’m gonna fight thru and do this 90. My sponsor hasn’t busted out the book yet. He’s very much about action. I like that. I’m a good talker. Lol. I need to walk the walk.

Thank you! I just gotta show up no matter what I’m thinking.

No two people in recovery are alike - some need meetings daily forever, others are more sporadic. It's your life and your program, choose what works for you, but be mindful of the possibility that you are listening to the voice that got you to AA in the first place.

The flag in your post that most caught my eye: "desperation." That may have not been your intent, but desperation is essentially a state of despair, or a lack of hope. There are people whose "sobriety" is a state of despair - that's not recovery in my experience. A guy whose opinion I value recently said in a meeting, "there are no hopeless cases, only those who think hopelessly."

Pressme, there are many people here who recover using AA and many who don't. The main thing is to find something that suits you and works for you.

Omg. That felt like that movie with the ghost of Xmas past... geez. That was sobering.

QUOTE=tomsteve;6712173]it would be wise to do some reading of your posts in these threads,too

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...1-90-90-a.html

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...community.html

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-grateful.html

theres more,too, that would be wise to read[/QUOTE]

So much wisdom and camaraderie in this thread and beyond .

Fantastic stuff .

You can do it Press .

press, there were many,many days early on i just didnt want to go to a meeting, yet i still did. 2 reasons why i forced myself to go
- i didnt want my past to turn into my future.
- i had heard quite a few times from people in detox say,"i stopped going to meetings, stopped praying, and stopped talking to my sponsor and others."

ironically, every time i went to a meeting when i didnt want to, i was glad i went. i heard something i needed to hear without knowing i needed to hear it.

Press, how is your step work away from meetings working out? Where are you at with it?

BB

I spent some time looking through some of my old threads last night and it is VERY sobering! The things said and thoughts we forget can be a very useful tool. I'm going to make it a habit to go back and read my stuff more often now.

from step 1 in the 12X12

Why all this insistence that every A.A. must hit bottom
first? The answer is that few people will sincerely try to
practice the A.A. program unless they have hit bottom.


i wasnt ready in my 20s

then after getting thrown into a locked psych ward 5150 i was given the gift of willingness ...

willingness to follow direction

:tyou