puzzlebug

My youngest son is 19 and I'm afraid he has a problem. I know he smokes marijuana, but lately his behavior has changed rather dramatically. He either quit, or lost, his job. These days we don't hear a lot of the truth from him. He sold his vehicle, and was broke within about 3 days with nothing to show for it. He still lives at home and has ZERO respect for myself and my husband. This is not the child we raised. Money has disappeared. Small amounts here and there. He loses his cool and yells and cusses at us both, especially my husband. But I suspect that is vecause he's the more strict of us both. He has started hanging around with people that I know have addictions to pills and meth, and sometimes we don't see him for a couple days. When he does come home, its at 2 or 3 a.m. even though I've told him as long as he's still living here he needs to be in the door by midnight unless its for work. I've taken his house key because I know the kind of people he's running with and I don't want them in my house. I feel like he has a serious problem with something, but Im not sure what, and I have no idea what to do or where to even begin!

Dee74

Hi and welcome puzzlebug.

I'm sorry for your situation.

I think it's reasonable to lay down ground rules for your household - respectful dialogue - no raised vouces, no stealing, in by a certain time or a phone call to explain why not.

If he doesn't like it he can move out.

I know that may not be the kind of solution you want but it doesn't sound like him living with you and giving you nothing but grief is doing much for the family dynamic either?

D

COYI

I had a similar experience. My son had become an addict.

Here is my advice. Start with the solution and work backwards. Your son needs to get into some kind of recovery program. You need to figure out all the options available and figure out what ones are viable from a financial perspective. It could be AA; or it could be intensive outpatient. There are options for rehab and in some cases, if you are lucky, insurance might pay some of it.

Your son might be in denial. Then again, he may be looking for a way out of the addiction. He won't listen to your nagging, but he might be prepared to consider treatment. Tell him that you know that he is in trouble, but you still love him. Tell him that he is suffering from the disease of addiction but there is hope. Walk him through the options. Tell him that you will support him in his recovery but that you cannot enable his addiction.

Finally, I found that prayer invoking the help of a higher power helped.

COYI

Also, get to an al-anon meeting. There are others out there who have shared your experience.

DontRemember

Really depends on how far you want to push it. My daughter was obviously on drugs/cutting a few years ago(she's 22 now) and I had her either take a drug test or find somewhere else to stay. It's impossible to know what they/you are dealing with, without knowing the cause. I'm lucky to say that I was able to get her the help needed and she's now a successful young lady with a promising career. I used to worry and drink about her and her future... now I'm the one climbing out of my own hole. Boundaries and stick to them, is all I can say. Also..don't let him pull the: "but you do/did's,ect.." Let him know it's your home and it's tough on the 'streets'. Best wishes.