Canuckleman45

So.......here's my dilemma. My wonderful beautiful wife wants to go to Mexico, Cuba, somewhere in the new year for a little RnR. Of course these trips are ALL INCLUSIVE!!!!!!!! LOLOLOL. Can I get a few thoughts? I'm constantly avoiding, procrastinating, ignoring the subject. Not sure why, because if we stayed home and wanted to drink I would. I think the words All Inclusive scare the **** out f me, but they shouldn't if I do the right thing

DontRemember

Give yourself a goal date of 1yr sober and see where you stand in your sobriety. That's my opinion.

Edit: I see you're on day one....again...There's NO WAY you will go to an all inclusive beach trip and not get plastered.. not judging by any means,but..I couldn't have in my first 6-12months.

Canuckleman45

thats what I'm thinking.

DontRemember

The only "memories" I have from my all inclusive vacations are in photo form. Was 'cool'...now it makes me sad/angry.

AnvilheadII

pretty sure there are other places to go that are NOT all inclusive? it's not the ONLY choice. how about you TALK to your wife about options? let her know you are uncomfortable with certain choices.

Dee74

Explain to your wife that you're having trouble making it through a normal weekend sober.

If you're serious about change I think Mexico on an all inclusive holiday right now should be out of the question.

D

leviathan

Since "all inclusive" includes food, that is now my focus when arranging these things. My wife and I select the resort based on many things, but since booze is no longer a thing for me, they must have great food.

-another variable is the general atmosphere. A resort that advertises late night club stuff is a no-go. I didn't quit binging to go on vacation to sit around watching everyone else do it. If "Quiet" or "Low key" are used as descriptors, I will research further.

Lastly, there must be things to DO that I can enjoy. When I was drinking, this didn't matter as much. I could just sit near the bar and waste my time/ money.

Anna

I really think you can find a good Mexico or Cuba holiday that's not all-inclusive. That way, instead of focusing on alcohol, you could focus on things to do like scuba diving, hiking, sight-seeing, shopping - all kinds of things.

Canuckleman45

I'm really not worried about the alcohol actually. We went to Cuba about 4 years ago, and the first night we put on a "show". After that we agreed that we didn't spend that much money on a trip to be hungover the whole time. Wonderful vacation then!!!! Food sucked though. But it still just sits in the back of my mind. The what ifs

bradly22

I go to these all inclusive resorts once or twice a year. I never have a drink and it is really never a problem. There are some resorts that push the wine a little more than others, so it may be worth reading some reviews before taking the plunge into a reservation.

Canuckleman45

Brad. Yes I agree with that. booze is readily available at home or there. I wouldn't drink just because its included, I would probably eat too much. LOL. I relapse at home because I relapsed, if I did it there then I did it there. I still relapsed. I'm done being afraid af every situation, trip, whatever. I'm going to take it one day at a time and LIVE my life properly. **** alcohol! **** Alcoholism.

ScottFromWI

You do realize you just wrote both of these statements in one post right?

Sobriety usually requires pretty major change in our lives. That doesn't mean that they won't be for the better in the long run, but it requires compromise and some sacrifices. If you have doubts about the trip, there's plenty of time to make alternate plans.

Canuckleman45

ya. I know what I posted thanks!

Dee74

Can you really see yourself going to an all inclusive resort holiday and not drinking right now? really?

I don;t think you have enough sober experience right now to look at sobriety as anything but a deprivation.

I will go out on a limb here and say I think that deprivation and fear of missing out might be your biggest problems, not drinking at home or drinking on weekends.

D

Canuckleman45

Can I see myself going in 8 weeks? 12 weeks?1 year ?5 years? When am I ready? When can I enjoy life FFS. I'm not going to drink! Or not going because I'm afraid of drinking. I'm DONE being afraid!!! I'm getting on with my life. I don't want, need, desire alcohol! I despise the stuff!!! thats all I can do! Everyday is going to be one day at a time.

Dee74

I'm not trying to rile you up.

If you're not going to drink I'm really unclear why you made the thread in the first place.

You've had a lot of trouble staying sober. yeah? Thats a fact - not judgement.

The advice here has got nothing to do with living in fear or hiding from life.
It's about acknowledging a problem.

Nowadays I can go anywhere and do anything and know I'm not going to drink, but I had to work up to that...I started small and worked up big,

Prior to that I had very little resolve at all when in the proximity of alcohol.

I suggest you get a few sober weekends behind you - prove to yourself that you can stay sober - then you'll be in a better position to know whether this trip is a viable one for your recovery or not.

D

Canuckleman45

I don't mean to sound like a DICK, but were all human beings. I refuse to curl up into a hole, remove myself from society, and "wait" it out, until I'm sober once and for all! What works for one person might not work for the next. I tried AA meetings.......and not my thing. II love the advice here, and the conversations. AWESOME. These help immensely. at the very least I've slowed down the drinking to weekends. Once I get that figured out then I'm on to the next stage. Everybody's journey to sobriety will be different. I hope I haven't pissed anybody off

Canuckleman45

Thanks Dee. I know that that no body is out to get peeps riled up. I'm just trying everything I can. I'm so tired of it. Maybe this works. And for the record we still haven't bought tickets yet. lol

Dee74

I felt the need to road test my recovery too - 3 days in. I made it out by the skin of my teeth...and that was just at my mates place.

After that I protected my recovery a lot more. I found it was valuable to me - who knew?

Noone's suggesting you become a hermit and live in the woods, man.

There's a million gradations between that and an all inclusive holiday in Mexico.

Like I said I started small - coffee with friends, picnics, movie dates, sports hobbies - anything that didn't need to involve alcohol...then worked my way up.

I didn't and still don't consider that wasted time - it was a great investment in my recovery. I wasn't living in fear either, I was learning how to happy and sociable without alcohol.

we may all be different but there are common points to everyone's story.

If you really want to make changes it makes sense to me to read a bit and listen to the experience of others here.

In the end tho these kinds of decisions are yours & you'll have to live with whatever you decide.

Peace out

D

Outonthetiles

I've gone to all inclusives twice in Cabo San Lucas and it really hasn't been a problem. There's lots of booze around to be sure, but they don't exactly force it down your throat. There's plenty of people who don't drink, even at the most booze-soaked resorts. If you're firmly resolved not to drink, you'll be able to do it, but you have to be really, really vested in your sobriety. It's a little like swimming in shark infested waters wearing a ham around your neck---it's not for everyone.