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100+ days down the drain

Old 12-17-2017, 06:56 AM
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100+ days down the drain

Who was I kidding that I was ok to drink again. All started with one glass of wine at lunch and finished with me in blackout.

I canít believe I was that stupid. All my hard work ruined. Day 2 again. Yesterday was horrific, but kept reading round here.

Feel like I need to own up to myself idiocy. Everything feels all bleak again. I feel useless and hopeless.
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Old 12-17-2017, 07:07 AM
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Originally Posted by sadsadgirl View Post
Who was I kidding that I was ok to drink again. All started with one glass of wine at lunch and finished with me in blackout.

I canít believe I was that stupid. All my hard work ruined. Day 2 again. Yesterday was horrific, but kept reading round here.

Feel like I need to own up to myself idiocy. Everything feels all bleak again. I feel useless and hopeless.
I really donít believe all your hard work is ruined. Sounds like you were doing great! If you want to resume being sober, just learn from your mistakes and go back to what you were doing is all. 😀
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Old 12-17-2017, 07:09 AM
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I know those feelings. I once relapsed after seven months. And that was gong to AA.
Don't ask me why I drank that time, I didn't know.
Just pick yourself up, learn from it and don't dwell on it and move forward.
You're not useless or hopeless. You're human and humans are fallible and make mistakes.
I've got almost seven years sober now and I was a bad drunk. It took me about seven years of trying to quit to get this far, so don't be too hard on yourself.

Best to you and sending good thoughts your way.
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Old 12-17-2017, 07:36 AM
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Wow! Thanks for your share! Helps me acknowledge that's the way it works for me: no matter how long sober, just one drink and off to the races --blackout, etc.
I did it after more than 15 years sober...
As for losing the days, I think your record right now is terrific: in more than 100 days, you drank only once! Lets add to that excellent (albeit not perfect) record and you'll be really fine. You surely dont lose them --you are MUCH healthier b because you did not drink poison for 100+ days!!!
Our AV wants to tell us "Screw it, now that I messed up, might as well...." But that is just the poison talking. Stay away from the poison today and you're a big time winner once again.
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Old 12-17-2017, 07:38 AM
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I have also been in your situation, 30 days,60 days,90 days, and up to 8 months sober...then BAM I drink and the living hell starts all over again. I am now 37 days into my sobriety and this time I get up and read posts each and every morning over coffee. I don't even leave my house without reading and reminding myself of the dangers of picking up that 1st drink.

You can start again, as they say here...maybe add to your tool kit?
Blessings
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Old 12-17-2017, 07:42 AM
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SSG, alcoholism isnt something that involves stupidity or idiocy. alcoholics are quite intelligent and we can make bad choices. that doesnt make us stupid, just sick.
the hard work isnt ruined- you have learned what works and what doesnt and it reads like the thought of one glass of wine was allowed to live in your head and then acted on.
and now ya learned a new lesson- them thoughts cant be allowed to live in your head.
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Old 12-17-2017, 07:45 AM
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Think of it like driving - if you fail your driving test, you don't lose all the knowledge you've built up, do you?
You're back behind the wheel and raring to go
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Old 12-17-2017, 07:47 AM
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Goodbye!

Yesterday was yesterday. Today is posititively going to be better. We grow stronger through our mistakes! Have a great day!
Originally Posted by sadsadgirl View Post
Who was I kidding that I was ok to drink again. All started with one glass of wine at lunch and finished with me in blackout.

I canít believe I was that stupid. All my hard work ruined. Day 2 again. Yesterday was horrific, but kept reading round here.

Feel like I need to own up to myself idiocy. Everything feels all bleak again. I feel useless and hopeless.
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Old 12-17-2017, 08:04 AM
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You are sober again... and that is good.
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Old 12-17-2017, 08:08 AM
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100 days are not down the drain. That's just a massive over exaggeration.

If your relapse leads to more drinking THEN one could say your 100 days are down the drain. If you get straight back on the straight and narrow then it was simply a blip.

Regards,

JT
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Old 12-17-2017, 08:13 AM
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Thanks for all your posts. There is so much support on here, itís so comforting-I donít feel so lonely. Iím rewriting my plan to include procrastination-thatís almost always the first thing that happens when Iím losing touch on my sobriety. I begin with procrastinating and then it develops into apathy. I believe that my relapse has been a long time coming-the last few weeks Iíve been feeling less organised, like Iím just clinging on, like everything has started running away from me again.

Iím so embarrassed at the worry I put my family through on Friday. I suspect they think Iím back at square one again. Iíd like to crawl under my duvet and hide for a few days, but have to get my life on track again.
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Old 12-17-2017, 11:33 AM
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I had to accept that I am an alcoholic, and that I will never be "cured"; it will never, ever be ok for me to drink again.

That actually makes it a bit easier, if you follow me. The absolution removes any doubt that may creep back into my mind. I will have to be vigilant for the rest of my life. I will have to (and want to), continue to always focus on improving my life in all aspects in order to not fall back down that dark path.

You will do this too! It is hard work, it's only been 13 months for me, but it is endlessly more rewarding than the alternative.
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Old 12-17-2017, 01:07 PM
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Sadsadgirl, 100 days of sobriety was fantastic, and obviously you've learned things about yourself during that time. It could be that you need to add something to your recovery plan around the 3 month time. I remember being at 90 days and it was somewhat eye-opening for me. Those first 3 months were very focused and coming to terms with things in my life I'd been avoiding. Around that time, I began to believe that I was going to be able to do this, long-term and forever. So, I tried to add some things to my days that would comfort me and encourage me to keep moving forward.
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Old 12-17-2017, 01:49 PM
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Originally Posted by sadsadgirl View Post
Who was I kidding that I was ok to drink again. All started with one glass of wine at lunch and finished with me in blackout.

I canít believe I was that stupid. All my hard work ruined. Day 2 again. Yesterday was horrific, but kept reading round here.

Feel like I need to own up to myself idiocy. Everything feels all bleak again. I feel useless and hopeless.
Hi Girl, Iím also at Day 2 (again). Similarly, as always, I allowed myself to be fooled into thinking I could drink Ďin moderationí, contrary to all evidence in the past. On Friday I went to meet friends who are home for Christmas for a catch up and thought ĎI deserve one drink - 3 max - itís Christmas, Iíll be fineí. This ended in a bender and I am so ashamed. This has happened several times over the past few months, doing well for a while and then forgetting how out of control I get and being fooled into thinking Ďthis time will be differentí.

It never is.

All we can do is pick ourselves up and commit to a sober life - for once and for all. You have to have a plan and stick to it and not get complacent (which I always do after a while). This time, I will be keeping a diary and continuing to post and read here, even on the good days.

Good luck girl, weíre all here to support and help one another.
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Old 12-17-2017, 02:32 PM
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sadsadgirl I'm sorry you drank but I'm glad you're back.

Think about what you can do differently this time. How did you get to the 100 days? What kinds of things can you add this time?

Use what happened to counter that idea that a few drinks is ok next time maybe?

whats your support like? are you using it effectively?

D
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Old 12-17-2017, 09:22 PM
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SSG,

You have gotten great advice and support here.

I can only add that for me it was only when I emotionally and fully accepted, really accepted, that I was addicted that it clicked I completely stopped. Because I knew there was no there option. I would always be compelled to drink to excess. I have no control once I start.

But I totally control whether I start.

This seems to be a learning that can only be taught through trial and error.

You have that learning now. It does not change, this I know.

You got this.
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Old 12-18-2017, 10:48 AM
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Originally Posted by sadsadgirl View Post
Who was I kidding that I was ok to drink again. All started with one glass of wine at lunch and finished with me in blackout.

I canít believe I was that stupid. All my hard work ruined. Day 2 again. Yesterday was horrific, but kept reading round here.

Feel like I need to own up to myself idiocy. Everything feels all bleak again. I feel useless and hopeless.
You made a mistake. Everyone makes them. Don't beat yourself up about it. Look at it as an opportunity to learn what not to do.
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Old 12-18-2017, 10:51 AM
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Hang in there, Love.


I am absolutely with You. Starting over, too.
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Old 12-18-2017, 03:03 PM
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Hi sadsadgirl,

I did the same as you drank on 3 separate occasions in the last few weeks.
Well done for getting back on here itís not easy. I felt like ďoh well im a binge drinkerĒ and if i go back on SR people will think ďoh not him againĒ. Couldnít have been more wrong had loads of supportive replies today.

We messed up but look at the positive side we know it and we are back here starting again.
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Old 12-18-2017, 03:36 PM
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Originally Posted by sadsadgirl View Post
Who was I kidding that I was ok to drink again. All started with one glass of wine at lunch and finished with me in blackout.

I canít believe I was that stupid. All my hard work ruined. Day 2 again. Yesterday was horrific, but kept reading round here.

Feel like I need to own up to myself idiocy. Everything feels all bleak again. I feel useless and hopeless.
I too relapsed at a similar time, but you know I needed to have that relapse to show me that I cannot drink safely. What's done is done, start again and take the lesson that you have learnt.

I'm 25 months sober after that relapse, you too can get back on track x
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