Why dont I feel better even though I'm sober/ clean now?
 

It's a question that I was asking myself a lot 3 years ago. At the lowest points this was in between going to bed praying that I wouldn't wake up and getting up in the morning full of despair that I had to face another day. I did not have any hope left at all. If there was a way I could have exited my life without hurting other people and angering God, then I'd have done it.

But....an informative article about PAWS was a game changer for me.

If you are feeling hopeless and befuddled as to why you're still feeling mank even though you've been sober for a while, and are starting to think"maybe drinking /drugging / whatever wasn't the real problem " please make a cuppa and have a read....

https://digital-dharma.net/post-acut...r-immediately/

I wish every single one of you all the best for your journey of recovery and sobriety. Things DO get better.

BB

Thank you berrybean for posting this. If I would have known/understood PAWS is a real thing for me, maybe I could have avoided some years of drinking. I'm early in my sobriety now and am making sure that the acknowledgement (and easing) of PAWS is in my plan.

PAWS was a very real thing for me, especially around 100 days.

Thanks BB , I will do exactly that ,put the kettle on make a cuppa and read your article . I could be doing with an uplift right now as I feel quite edgy and flat at the same time . We had a little family thing yesterday , my wifes dad,s anniversary (passed 9 years ago ) ,we like to celebrate his life playing his old Irish songs with a toast to him . I went into a strange mood ,like completely grey and spaced out ,wanted everyone to disappear . They did ,along to the local pub and I was left alone watching BS on the TV . Went to bed early and woke feeling better but still not 100 percent alert . Must be the winter .

Or possibly an emotional hangover - they really are a thing you know.

https://www.thefix.com/content/emoti...need-know91183

Take care. It will pass. BB

Early days are hard, no two ways around it. I think that's why so many people go back to it.

Here were my top ten coping tools:

1. Exercise (walks in Nature, appreciating the natural world in detail)
2. Healthy home-prepared meals/lots of protein
3. Gratitude list
4. AA meetings and SR participation
5. Instrumental Classical music on Pandora
6. No caffeine
7. Breathing exercises (meditation-like breathing) Box Breathing - Navy Seals
8. Staying away from alcohol-centered events and people who were negative
9. Sleeping as much as possible
10. Not watching the news or scary/depressing TV shows

All of these and/or whatever works for you. I was OK with caffeine (and nicotine, but I wouldn't suggest this!).

I don't think it's just PAWS either. Whatever your DOC (including alcohol), substances mask underlying feelings, issues and mental health issues. When intoxication is taken away, you're left with the issues that may have contributed to your using in the first place. This is a very painful place to be on its own.

Often you have PAWS on top of this. However, if you drank/used heavily, I think the symptoms aren't necessarily PAWS, but are rather part of the normal withdrawal process that goes on for about 100 days which comes and goes in waves. Not everyone has PAWS, but I think some of the symptoms attributed to PAWS are nearly universal for heavy drinkers/users who get sober.

If symptoms strongly persist longer than this, I'd call it PAWS, but it's more where do you draw the line. If there's underlying depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues, they may persist until they're dealt with separately, and definitely beyond 100 days.

Hope this helps anyone who is suffering in early recovery. It does get better, especially with continued work on sobriety.

I love the box breathing site - bookmarked! - thank you so much bim :)