FDL180922

So here I am again. I used this site probably about 18 months ago when I was horrible to the people I love when drunk.

I quit for a while and then managed to convince myself that if I don’t drink to much I’ll be fine. Which in the short term is achievable. But the truth is it’s just a matter of time before I forget about the promises I’ve made , have way to much to drink and turn into the nasty person that just isn’t me.

This isn’t all the time but when it happens it’s notmally bad, and I feel like crap for day on end about my behaviour. And when it’s not that I feel rough and although I may not have been horrible to anyone I probably made a right fool of myself.

Truth is I just don’t know when enough is enough. I can go days or weeks without a drink and don’t think I’m physically addicted to drinking. But when I choose to drink it is like rolling the dice with my personality.

The last few months my drinking has lead to other poor choices, which I regret the day after.

I just don’t know how to stop drinking long term and I’m afraid that I won’t be able to do it, and when I tell people I’m going to quit they will think to themselves that I can’t - and I’ll probably prove them right .

It’s a week until Christmas lots of drink in the house , although when I drink at home my behaviour doesn’t seem to be as bad but I probably drink way more than is good for me. A couple of beers a full bottle of wine and a few shorts isn’t a rare occurrence, but I’m well aware that isn’t a normal amount to be drinking.

Was works donon Friday and although I wasn’t as bad as I have beeen on previous years I still said things I probably shouldn’t have done. Then came home and drank more.

Deep down I know the only way to sort this out is to abstain completely, but I don’t know how to start and I’m scared in my ability to do it.

doggonecarl

Sobriety, like any goal, starts with a plan:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

decchemist

Welcome back!

If you truly WANT to not drink then it is possible.

A lot of what you have written applies to me - especially the stuff about being a mean drunk and making a fool of myself. I just decided enough is enough and whatever it takes I will not go back to that place EVER again. Yes, it takes will power and often much more - like the help of other like minded people who understand (like on this forum) but you to can do it if you WANT to.

I wish you the very best.

Dee74

Hey Benjamin

I don't think anyone starts with any great confidence but for me my drinking had ceased to be a viable option - I'd destroyed so much of my own life and health and those of the people I loved.

Not drinking was really the only real option I had left.

You can drink to that point too - assuming you don't die like I nearly did, but I don't recommend it.

You can stop now and save a lot of the things you love.

No need to make promises - just do it. Actions speak louder than words.

When the task seems too much, break it down. All you need to do today is not raise a glass of alcohol to your lips. Do the same tomorrow.

It's not always easy but it is simple. For those day when it's harder, have a plan and have a support base to call on.

Providing you're open to change, and you face your fear there's absolutely no reason why you can't quit and quit for good

D

FDL180922

Thanks doggonecarl- I think I need to sit down with my partner and discuss this plan. Not going to be an easy conversation. Going to have to admit some truths.

FDL180922

Thanks deechemist and dee74. It’s so hard especially at this time of year. I’m worrying now about the questions from other members of family when I say I’m not drinking. Do I lie ? Do I tell the truth ? I suspect some of them think I’m a nob after a drink anyway , so they might even be pleased.

What if people buy me alcohol as a gift ? Shall I pour it away or give it back?

I know I’ve got to do this - worried about telling people - I’m seeing my sister on the 23rd , Xmas day at my partners parents, Boxing Day at my parents, supposed to be out with friends on the 27th. I feel like I’m going to be expected to drink.

I can talk to my partner and my dad but worried to tell anyone else.

Feel like I’m trying to make excuses already.

Maybe I depend on drink more than I’m admitting too ? Or is it social pressure to drink? It’s funny but until you actually really think about it you don’t realise how engrained it is in our culture.

Think I’m waffling now - my daughter is going out today so I’ll talk to my other half at dinner time .

SoulShine8

I think the most important step for me was making a decision that I will never drink again, no matter what. That takes a lot of other decision-making out of it to begin with. My ability to do it goes back to the most important step of never drinking again.
The people that know are the people I choose. I am early in sobriety and few people know about that decision but as I go on I believe that circle will widen to include more - people who I have chosen to trust, people who understand the importance of it. And treat the gifts of alcohol like any other gift that doesn't quite fit you - you don't tell people their time spent choosing or spending money on it was a waster, you give it away or regift or just don't use it or display it. Thank them and go on. If they want to drink it with you, make an excuse or tell them the truth and be done with it.

I have a binder with tabs in it to divide up the important stuff like my sober goals, PAWS symptoms, etc. I have written and continue to write in it. It is my go to when I am fighting urges or HALT or whatever that will lead me back down the rabbit hole. I read here every day and post too. Reaching out is not a sign of weakness but a sign of investment in self. Right now I am reaching out to take support but later it will be reaching out to give. Seek out information on SR about how others have done it, join a monthly group here ("Class of" the month you quit) and participate in it, and be sure to take what you need and let the rest go by. Walk your own sober path and create your own plan that supports that. You can do this!

FDL180922

Thanks soulshine

You’re right. This is an important decision. It’s one I’ve made before but just been having a think , this time I’ve made it because I want to and not because I’ve done something terrible while drunk. I’m going to treat that as a positive start.

I guess I’ll just have to regift the alcohol. My partner doesn’t drink a lot and I don’t think I’ll be able to have it on display in the house. I think it is best for me if we don’t have it in the house at all. I don’t think that’s an issue for anyone else who lives here.

I guess I’m being daft about telling people but I know it will raise eyebrows if I don’t have a drink even with the meal over Christmas. Not sure how to deflect the question unless I say I’m on antibiotics or something but then that will just be worse I guess. Maybe I should just say I’ve quit and leave it at that with no further discussion?

SoulShine8

There are threads on here that address versions of the question of why you aren't drinking. I am going to a work lunch this coming week and I have decided on two answers. Two since I know if I just pick one, it might not feel right or be right in the situation. One: I don't drink and leave it at that. Two: It bothers my stomach (I have stomach problems from drinking and eating terribly). There is one girl who I think might push it a little but I also know of two that are not drinkers so I am going to try to sit by them. I know that as I am different situations to come in my life I am going to notice the importance to certain individuals that I drink with them. I used to be that person when I was drinking. So I guess I will be observant about who it bothers and who it doesn't. The longer I have sobriety the less any of this will even stand out to me.

Strugglingtoget

You don't have to tell anyone that you're not drinking. If it happens to come up, you can say "not for today..." or "not now.." You can blame it on not feeling well, on medications, on a medical condition, on weight loss, on fitness goals, or on anything else. You can say " I dont like the way it makes me feel..." or "I dont need the empty calories.."
I recall a guy who said "I dont drink anymore because I'm an alcoholic and if I drank I'd vomit on you and punch you out...."
Lotsa people said of him : "very courageous...such honesty..." The guy said "Oh God. Im not an alcoholic, I'm just tired of all the silly questions..."

Years ago I was on a flight to the Middle East in business class and the attendant kept walking champagne by me and asking if I'd like some...
finally I said to her "I am an alcoholic. If I drink that champagne, in 3 hours the captain will have to set the plane down in Iraq or Iran in order to stop the devastation of the cabin. Now, would you like to give me some Veuve Cliquot?" She blanched and was terribly apologetic and said that two of her colleagues were alcoholics as well and she got one of them to be my attendant for the remainder of the flight......

As some say "Sometimes you can't save both your face and your a**. When that time comes, is saving face worth the rest of your life drunk?"

wildflower70

I simply tell people that alcohol no longer agrees with me, and I don't feel well when I drink. That always ends the questions, and I have only confided in a few people about my alcohol problems (the ones I am making amends with).

Hope you make the right choice...for you!

FDL180922

Your all right. I don’t need an excuse and I don’t have to justify myself either. I’m just overthinking it I guess. It’s down to me to be strong a still say no when someone says ‘go on one won’t hurt’.

I think I’ll just say ‘I’m not feeling to well at the minute’.
That’s a funny story strugglingtoget - although it’s just made me think about my holiday that’s booked for april - that will Be another challenge, but I can cross that bridge when I get to it.

Thank you all for your support