looking
 

Looking for my soul. John

You sound like you're in pain John. Are you ok?

D

Thinking of you. Can we help?

I lost my soul for a long time John. The only way I found it again was to nourish it.

Drinking is the exact opposite of nourishment.

When life is painful we need to find the faith to continue on the abstinent path.
Things can and do get better.

Like they say in AA John - don;t leave before the miracle happens?

D

John, I remember feeling exactly like you when I came limping in here 7 years ago. I know the pain, I'm sure many of us do.

Tomorrow's a new day, how about we start on the journey to find your soul again? You can do this. How can we help?

Thought I lost mine as well. Then, one day I was clearing out a big old bunch of regrets and resentments (doing my step 5 with my sponsor) and found it scrunched up and sorry under them. Once they'd gone and I started nurturing it again it soon started blooming again and producing fruits of the spirit I never knew I was capable of - love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,. And the thing with those fruits is that as we give them, we receive them ourself in a way that I certainly never expected - because I always just waited for other people to give them to me before I suppose, and so never gave myself an opportunity to understand or experience it to learn.

What are you doing for your recovery John? Do you think its possibly worth adding something in?

Wishing you all the best.

BB

The mind, body and soul - and how we can separate them into individual compartments has always been of interest to me.

I knew I had to change my mind (stop drinking); to heal my physical being (my body); to further heal my mind; in the hope that I once again find my soul.

I'm at about stage two of that journey. It's just the way I feel I need to do it.

Stick with us John.

Yeah, I'm hurting, but I will be ok. Been through a tough week but things will get better. Been through worse. No big deal. Thanks for thinking of me. Feeling pretty alone right now. No pitty party here. Many people worse off than me. People homeless, etc. I am a lucky guy considering everything. Just sometimes the walls in my apartment seems to get a little smaller. Can feel a little suffocating sometimes. Gotta find the light. Just nice to no someone out there cares enough to know I exist. Sometimes I am not sure I really exist at all. John

Thanks guys for all of your support and it really helps, but being by myself in this struggle makes this difficult. Don't really see a way out. I tried AA but it didn't work, but I have heard about on line programs that might be helpful. I don't want to die before my time is up but don't see any way to stop it. I bought a grave next to my mothers so it is there if and when I need it. Just got to ship my remains there. Actually looking forward to it. John

Do you think you might be clinically depressed John?

D

Although I didn't do the steps, I found mine the same way.

I've been diagnosed with some kind of a major depressive disorder or something like that. I take meds for it, but even with the meds I get a little moody at times. It goes in cycles but the meds keep the cycles from going to extremes. Eventually things balance out. Thanks for the concern. Knowing someone out there is thinking of me helps a lot. John

Sending you big hugs. :grouphug:

Hang in there John! Stay on here for the support

John, you're part of the SR family. We care ... you're an important part of our community. Keep posting, we're in this together. You're never alone. :hug:

I feel for you, having suffered through a lot of depression in my life. No soul, looking forward to death to end the suffering, isolating at home and feeling like the walls are closing in...it all sounds sadly familiar.

"Goes in cycles" could be bipolar disorder that lives on the depressive end of the spectrum. Also, if you're in the Northern Hemisphere, we are heading into winter, with very short days. If you also have SAD (Seasonal affective disorder) laid over any sort of depressive/mood disorder, light therapy can help tremendously. My brother lives in Alaska and it nearly saved his life, it works for me even though we really don't get winter here. Getting out into the world and daylight and people and life as much as you can may help, even for a little while. Also ANY exercise that you can do when you're feeling this way will make you feel much better. I know that the thought of exercise and movement when I'm in a dense depression makes me feel even more lazy and useless because motivation for ANYTHING is lacking, but do it when you're up for it.

PLEASE speak with your psychiatrist when you can. There may be pharmaceutical help that can work to help to lift the depression.

I'm not an AA person, but I went through some pretty heavy depression in earl(ier) recovery, and being in a group of sober people really helped me out a great deal.

Again, I feel you, and it's hard to move and do anything to break the depressive cycle, but you've had this before and it's lifted. Look forward to that and try and have a bit of hope. If drinking is involved, that IS something you can do for yourself AND you've done it before. It's something to do and will get you out of the house. Working on my sobriety was almost magical in my depression.

Please keep checking in. People here DO care about you.

I couldn't find my soul for a long time either John,
and sometimes I still lose sight of it.

I think maybe it stays quiet and peaceful and waits for us to quiet down to hear it.

You exist, you matter, and people care about you :grouphug:

Me too.
 

It is in there. It just needs to find us again, as we have sent it on a slight detour. Good luck! I will be looking with you.

John hope you get to feeling better soon. I live alone too and yes the walls do seem pretty cold at times. Coming here and reaching out is a great thing to do. I spend a lot of time here. I have made up a bunch of things things to do during Christmas and New Year's holidays so I don't get into a bad place. I am going to buy comfort food and sweets to eat. This year I will get to drink eggnog instead of beer :) Remember the Solo Single Sober thread too.

:hug:

Sending good thoughts your way, John.

Drinking most certainly robbed me of my soul; I felt hollow; sobriety has returned the blessing of a soul to me.

Those of us here who you have you unselfishly helped have felt and seen your soul. It is still within you; nourish it; you will, once again, feel its presence.

We care about you.