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Old 12-16-2017, 09:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Please help. Involved with recovering heroine addict


Hi. This is my first post to any forum. Not sure what I am trying to say or solicit by way of comment so I will just lay it out and hope someone will help me. I am involved with the most incredible woman I have ever met. She is smart, intelligent, witty, and fun. We have been together for about six months. The other night she told me that she needs to disclose something to me. And she told me that she was a heavy drug user for about 10 years. She did the entire spectrum of drugs. Heroine was her drug of choice. When she was in her late 20s she was arrested for stealing for the department store she worked at and was taken into custody and put into jail where she entered a rehab program. After she was out of the jail-program she went to a half-way house. My understanding is that she was in physically abusive relationships and that merely progressed her using. She has been sober for several years, yet she does drink wine and beer. Not a lot. She also disclosed to me that she has an allergy to latex so she had unprotected sex. How much I don not know. I do know that she has several miscarriages with different men and finally had a baby with a man whom she met in the rehab program. He himself has stayed clean and is working on child number five. I am not looking to judge her. I am trying to understand a lifestyle I have never encountered. I donít want to judge her. I care about her very much. And she is the sweetest woman ever. She tries hard. She cares very well for her son and we have a great time when we are together. My concern is that she still drinks. Not a lot. At dinner maybe a glass of wine or two. Sometimes she will stop on the way home from work and have a couple of beers. Iíll little history about me is that I was married for 11 years to a woman who had a very severe addiction to alcohol and prescription drugs I spent nine years in that marriage working with her trying to get her to go to inpatient counseling and therapy to correct our addiction and help her with it and it in the back there in a marriage apart. So my concern is that I went into a marriage where I did not know this addiction these behaviors existed and then one day they were just thrust upon me. In this relationship I have a very wonderful and sensitive woman who was kind enough to disclose this very difficult subject matter to me and I feel like I am walking into a situation with my eyes wide open that is similar potential he to the marriage that I ended because of alcohol and prescription drug addiction . So I am trying to understand if she should be drinking after being in recovery and what I can do to help her and support but at the same time keep myself from walking in to a potential time bomb. I feel bad to ask her questions because I donít want her to feel judged but my life is involved in this too. And I just donít understand addiction enough to determine what her chances of relapse are if she is still drinking after being clean from recreational drugs? Would appreciate anyoneís feedback. Because I am at a loss.
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Old 12-17-2017, 12:06 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi and welcome Bkcdragon1976

I understand your concerns. I've never done hard drugs but for me I need to be abstinent from everything like that to feel like I'm safe in recovery.

On the other hand, whatever happened in your last marriage has you skittish and thats understandable...but history doesn't always repeat - and there are many many cases of people who clean up and never do their drug of choice again.

I'm also not sure how long your gf has been clean.

The thing is you're the one out of all of us who knows this woman best.

I wish I had a guarantee for you either way but addicts aren't monolithic - we share a common problem but we're all different.

How much have you discussed your concerns with her?

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