An ex-gf
 

My ex partner, whom i lived with for 8 years before we split 2 years ago, is in a downward spiral. He has people trying to help him but he has not been receptive. (one of his friends told me this) We are all worried he will die. I am overcome with sadness and guilt. I am not a drinker (1-2 drinks a month).

I can't quite place where my guilt stems from because I know that my ex is doing this to himself. I want to move on but right now I feel stuck. I spend a ridiculous amount of mental energy every day worrying about him. He has lost his home and his job. His dog was rehomed by a friend who was worried. He has nothing. I don't know that I can do anything for his day-to-day situation but I am still constantly worrying. I don't have access to counseling right now - I'm self employed. I think I just need to talk this out. Thank you.

There isn't anything you can do for him and it isn't your fault he is in the condition he is in. I understand you feel bad for him. Maybe you are misidentifying guilt for sadness.

I would look into counseling. I believe you could find something affordable or at least talk to someone close to you.

BB, have you ever tried Al-Anon? It can provide face-to-face support for free, and everyone there will understand just where you're coming from.

I'm sorry this is happening. Sending strength and hugs.

Welcome, BodeBuddy,

I'm very sorry for your situation with your ex and the pain and sadness involved.

Do check out AlAnon in your city as a support for you. Also, we have a forum for Friends & Families which you might want to look at:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

Sounds a lot like me when I was at the end. I had nothing. Living in a motel. Motel to motel cuz I kept getting kicked out for being drunk or needing an ambulance 3 times a week.... the drama was awful. I caused so many people pain, anger and annoyance. You really could benefit from Al-Anon... They help you deal with what is happening in your life due to someones drug or alcohol dependence. Its like an AA or NA meeting .....but for the friends and loved ones of the addict. Hope this helps you. Lots of hugs :)

When I am feeling sad about someone, I go to a local church and light a candle for them.
I give them to the force that is greater than me and say a short prayer for them.
It helps me with the sadness.

Its human to want to help and perhaps even save someone from themselves Bodebuddy.

Unfortunately your ex needs to decide he wants change and no one else can give him that gift.

I hope like many of us here, including myself, that he'll find that window of clarity and turn things around for himself.

As for yourself, you'll find a lot of support and understanding here - welcome :)

D

I'm sorry for what brings you here but want to welcome you to the family. :hug: I hope you will check out AlAnon in your area and also look at the friends and family forum for support. :grouphug:

Thank you all so much. This process has been rough. I am being very careful about who I talk to just because I know some people love others' drama. But just living my life and doing things that are important for me have been the most helpful. The big thing is that he has to want to help himself. Right now, he just wants others to help him and take on his burdens. I'm going to keep myself at a distance, although the process is sad. I'm a classic enabler. I really hate this disease.