sickofthiscrap

I'm 11 days sober. We had our work christmas lunch today. I'm okay with telling friends and family I quit drinking because they know I have a problem. However I don't really want to tell my colleagues that. I declined even though my boss asked the waiter to bring me a wine glass in case I changed my mind. I said something about not wanting to fall asleep at my desk. I watched the normies have their half glasses with wine with lunch, and thought about how blessed they are not to be alcoholics and how they will never even appreciate that fact. It's not that I envied them drinking. I envied their normality. I envied that they can have a half glass of wine at lunch, appreciate how its flavour compliments the meal, and never even think about how awesome it would be to drink the rest of the bottle.

Anyway, I'm still sober, which is what counts I guess.

It's been a weird week. I don't want to drink, but I feel very grey and flat. I'm not sure if its early sobriety related depression or a natural reaction to my mother's cancer and the fact we had to put down the family cat yesterday who was 23 years old and also infirm. Amidst all this, many thoughts of mortality and what's it all for, why are we here, that kind of thing...I have been pretty anhedonic and unmotivated lately and my usual activities such as writing have been falling by the wayside. I read and watch TV.

Going to a meeting this weekend. I hope you're all doing well. Just wanted to share my thoughts.

Horn95

The “normies”?

Michelle644

I'm proud of you for sticking through some hard times and keeping your sobriety. (((hugs)))

BixBees505

Sickofthiscrap...support and strength to you. Thank you for your post.

Eaglelizard

Stay strong SoTC, I have to force myself to find something inspirational to watch or read about or do--when I start to feel those flat gray feelings descending upon me. I notice they go away a lot more easily these days, the sober mind is very impressionable and relatively bouncy. Relatively.

Bunny211

It's really hard at the beginning but it DOES get easier. Now I can go to dinner with normies and not even notice whether they have a drink or not....

Nonsensical

That's a full emotional plate. Good for you for getting through lunch.

As for the 'normies' - I used to be jealous of them, but not so much any more. They have no idea what it's like to beat an addiction. I learned more about myself and get so much more out of life because I had to beat an addiction. I don't think I would have the fantastic life I have if I had not had to go through that. I'm not happy I drank for 25 years just because it turned out well, but I know things 'normies' will probably never know. They know the taste of wine. Pffffffffft!

Be strong and be well. It's worth the work.

MyLittleHorsie

Here's another side of the coin, maybe they weren't all "normies". You staying sober might help someone else. After all, what is the worst thing for us alcoholics, having a glass and having to stop... With alcohol such a growing trend and affecting such a large percentage of the population, you might have given hope to someone. After all, you got to return to your desk clear headed, not having fed the little alcoholic monster/urge. Someone else did feed it and now they have to suffer the rest of the afternoon, potentially go home and drink to satisfy that urge and hate themselves this morning.
Instead of I missed out, think, thank god I didn't have to drink at lunch. Sometimes we have to control our heads.

hpdw

I,m sorry you feel a bit off just now but your dealing with things as they happen and your sober . I personally stay away from parties and do,s especially at Christmas and even more so works do,s .
I know that feeling you describe about normies I think we all understand what you mean . When I feel like that I play the tape forwards and see where I am and compare myself to the normies . Before the drink we were both more or less the same and a week later I am unrecognizable and the normies never gave more alcohol a second thought . This is how it is and will always be .

I hope you perk up and find some peace .

hpdw

Horn95 you know exactly what is meant by "normies " please stop flaming the OP . Nothing constructive to say ? say nothing .

MissOverIt

This!! 😊💗

BixBees505

Yes, yes, yes...”Before the drink we were both more or less the same and a week later I am unrecognizable and the normies never gave more alcohol a second thought . This is how it is and will always be .”

sickofthiscrap

That's an excellent way to look at it.

thanks for your thoughts everyone.

As I said I didn't feel so much jealous that they get to drink. I haven't actually dealt with any real cravings so far...I am sure that will come later. It was more a lonely, alienated feeling. I was just very aware how I am not one of them.

That's what I have realised is good about meetings... its the first time I didn't feel alone with my alcoholism. Of course, if we want to keep our jobs, having a serious drinking problem isn't something we can really talk about at work. I guess it's just another aspect of sobriety we need to have tools to deal with.

sickofthiscrap

This is true too. Beating an addiction takes strength and yes it's a valuable learning experience.

Maudcat

You have a lot going on, Sic.
Mom sick, cat had to go (know how that feels. Very sorry.)
It’s sadmaking.
I also think this time of year is hell for the newly and not so newly sober.
I’m four years in, and I am only triggered during the holidays.
Hang in there. The days will start getting longer in 8 days.
We can do this.

Bobbieka

Great job getting through the lunch. I just began telling coworkers I quit drinking. Really ended up being no big deal. I thought about it way more than they did.

You're handling things well. It gets better, I promise.

Dee74

Normies is a name many of us here give to people with no alcohol issues.
Not everyone might know that.

If you have a personal bone to pick thats not really addressed to the OP, or thread topic, I think it's always better to do that by PM

thanks

Dee
Moderator
SR
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Hi sickofthiscrap

I went through a period where I was hyper aware of other people drinking and it made me sad. My mind was still a little wonky from all those years of abuse.

I worked hard at building a sober life I loved tho, and by the end of my first years I genuinely couldn't give a monkeys what over people did or drink.

I'm happy content and absolute resolute in my belief that I and my life is better without booze or drugs in it.

if this is 'abnormality' then give me more of it

D

birdbird

Hey Sic, I feel you. I'm at two weeks now, and I feel flat and gray too. Also hyper-sensitive and slightly insane. Trying to remember that this will pass. Good luck to you.

mrrryahj

"Amidst all this, many thoughts of mortality and what's it all for, why are we here, that kind of thing...I have been pretty anhedonic and unmotivated lately and my usual activities such as writing have been falling by the wayside. I read and watch TV."

Just wanted to say I feel ya sister. I am in the exact same boat lately, exact same thoughts and feelings. I've been told by many people who have long term sobriety that it's part and parcel for us to feel this way in early sobriety. Our brains and bodies have to adjust to normalcy and depression is common. It won't last forever. (Or so they tell me).

hpdw

Hope your feeling better today sic . Your still in early recovery and so am I at 33 weeks . The difference from me being sober this time round compared to previous attempts is that I have true acceptance this time , acceptance of what alcohol will do to me acceptance that I am the happiest man in the world without alcohol . Once this acceptance is in place life is pure joy . Yes I have problems with family and sometimes health issues but I still feel a sense of freedom only an alcoholic or addict can feel when in true recovery .

Thinking of your Mum at this time too and hope she can come through this as many do .