A Little Lonely
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 30
A Little Lonely
Hi there! Just feeling lonely lately and reaching out for some support.
It is strange sometimes to live a sober life in a world where most aren’t sober. None of my friends are. It has been over a year for me at this point so it doesn’t bother me to be around them when they drink but it is lonely.
It is strange sometimes to live a sober life in a world where most aren’t sober. None of my friends are. It has been over a year for me at this point so it doesn’t bother me to be around them when they drink but it is lonely.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi NewLeaf, Congratulations on your recovery!
If it seems lonely to you when you are around your drinking friends, have you thought of maybe adding some new friends to your life who are non-drinkers or interested in non-drinking activities?
If it seems lonely to you when you are around your drinking friends, have you thought of maybe adding some new friends to your life who are non-drinkers or interested in non-drinking activities?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 30
Yes, I’d love to meet other sober people. I haven’t gone to a single AA meeting and just feel nervous to go because it’s new and I’m shy. I am working on gathering up the courage to go. Is that the only way to meet other sober people?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 30
Well I take that back...I went to AlAnon when I was younger a couple of times. But I haven’t been to a physical meeting since I quit. I do want to go, I’m just nervous. Are people allowed to take someone with them the first time they go so it’s not so overwhelming?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Nah, I don't think you said anything remotely wrong at all.
Not sure where you are in the world but a lot of it is going to sleep now - first time for me in reading this thread
I did some volunteering and while it didn't make me any firm friends it made me a lot of cheerful acquaintances and was a step forward in relating to others sober.
I reconnected with old friend I'd dropped or driven away through my drinking, and I made more friends through hobbies and interests.
I think one thing alcohol did for me was instill an expectation of instant gratification, and that just not the way the world works.
The good things in life like friendships require a little work and a little risk in getting past the front door
It's worth it tho. And don;t listen to any self doubting voice. You have as much to offer others as they have to you. You'll be ok
D
Not sure where you are in the world but a lot of it is going to sleep now - first time for me in reading this thread
I did some volunteering and while it didn't make me any firm friends it made me a lot of cheerful acquaintances and was a step forward in relating to others sober.
I reconnected with old friend I'd dropped or driven away through my drinking, and I made more friends through hobbies and interests.
I think one thing alcohol did for me was instill an expectation of instant gratification, and that just not the way the world works.
The good things in life like friendships require a little work and a little risk in getting past the front door
It's worth it tho. And don;t listen to any self doubting voice. You have as much to offer others as they have to you. You'll be ok
D
ours de petit cerveau
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: London, UK
Posts: 1,630
Originally Posted by NewLeaf 
Are people allowed to take someone with them the first time they go so it’s not so overwhelming?
aside from AA, do you have any interests that could help you meet new, non-drinking people? maybe a club or society you could join? I always find a shared interest makes meeting people & making friends easier.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Originally Posted by NewLeaf
Even here, I feel like I said something wrong to end all replies. If I did I’m sorry. Over and out.
My experience with sobriety and AA:
I was afraid to go to AA meetings my first few months sober. I worried about what others thought of me, what if I saw someone that knows me, I didn't know what to do. I drove away from more meetings than I attended the first 90 days. So silly when I think back on the experience. I was lucky to have the overwhelming desire to quit because drinking would have been easy with those small failures. Anyways, my advice now to any new comer to AA is don't be intimidated. Every AAer was there once and we all were as afraid or more than you feel. Secondly, try many different meetings because you'll see they all have different vibes, feel, flavor, however you want to describe it.
You also don't have to share. You can just say your first name then declare "I am an alcoholic" or "I have a desire to stop drinking" or "I am a visitor". No one should care nor judge you. Trust your gut when interacting with others, us alcoholics have built a really good ability to read people, sense danger, and smell BS. You will be vulnerable these next few weeks/months.
On the subject of meeting sober people do activities that don't include drinking. Churches, volunteering, run/bike clubs, crossfit, horseback riding, soccer, tennis, scuba dive, etc. Have you checked out "meet up" app? A lot of different ideas there. If I can get just one idea to land with you, I hope it's this one. Get sober and stay sober, everything else will be easy.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: upstate new york
Posts: 131
there is nothing at all about being apprehensive about going to a meeting. I go to 4 on a weekly basis and tho they are all a bit different as far as the membership goes they are all the same as far as being welcoming and indifferent to who walks in the door. I was a bit scared at first but nobody really notices or cares who you are and that's my kind of people. def. a big help to ease the lonileness during early sobriety when everyone you know and it all revolves around drinking to be able to get out so you don't turn into a hermit which was my case. changing people/ places and things is key but not easy.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
Loneliness is an everyday day part of my life. I’m prone to it anyway, since just being around people doesn’t meet the need. Even being married doesn’t do anything to fill the void, as a matter of fact it causes extra burdens. But, I’ve learned that loneliness isn’t the enemy I thought it was. I use the time to do things that specifically bless others. For example, I know a family and they have older cars which break down. They are short a car and iam fixing it for them. I spend lots of lonely time in the garage, but in the end it produces joy for others, that makes it all ok. A handshake is exchange, they are grateful to the Lord for a working car, and I go back to my own solitude and onto the next blessing.
Alone is only lonely if you expect someone to be there.
It’s all about expectations.....I think the big book has something to say about that.
Good luck!
Alone is only lonely if you expect someone to be there.
It’s all about expectations.....I think the big book has something to say about that.
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I'm an AWard as well and it's been great for my sobriety, including making sober friends, a few of which I see outside of meetings for coffee, museum trips, shopping, days out sightseeing, meals etc.
Volunteering has been a good way to meet other people whose life doesn't revolve around drinking (like mine used to). I'm also quite involved with church which keeps me busy with various things and means I have a friendship circle from there of people of various backgrounds and ages.
Also since getting sober I've had a go at various clubs and activities - it's worth looking at what's available in your area. Often library notice boards are a good place to start to find out what's on locally.
Def recommend giving AA a go though.
BB
Volunteering has been a good way to meet other people whose life doesn't revolve around drinking (like mine used to). I'm also quite involved with church which keeps me busy with various things and means I have a friendship circle from there of people of various backgrounds and ages.
Also since getting sober I've had a go at various clubs and activities - it's worth looking at what's available in your area. Often library notice boards are a good place to start to find out what's on locally.
Def recommend giving AA a go though.
BB
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