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Changes in behaviour

Old 12-12-2017, 11:52 PM
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Changes in behaviour

So, This is about my mum who in 2012 had a car accident that left her injured, depressed etc. She turned to the bottle and since then has been drinking. Its basically scotch, She would drink from say 12-1pm all the way until she goes to bed say 9-10. The past few weeks have been bad but my father and I have been trying to work on her to cut down.

Rather than stop cold turkey my dad has got her to agree to only have a couple of drinks when and if they go out to lunch & there is no alcohol at home, She agreed and even though its only been 2 days i can tell the difference in her already. My only concern is shes a lot more quiet and seems more on edge, snappy if you will. I've been telling myself it's like when I forget to take my anti depressant for a day.

Is this something that will pass? Is what were doing right?
My father and I are anxious people so we sometimes hound her asking whats wrong etc, I can't imagine that does her any favours. My biggest fear is obviously losing my mother, Every damn time she goes to the doctor for a check up her liver is fine I have no idea how that's even possible but I fear that wont be the case one day.
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Old 12-13-2017, 03:11 AM
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Hi WW you might want to post this in the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum where you will meet many people who know what you are going through.
Time will tell whether your mother can moderate her drinking but many A's have to give up completely. It depends how far in she is. And yes, you would expect her to be quiet and snappish because she probably desperately wants a drink. Giving up drinking completely causes the craving to diminish over time, but have the odd lunch with alcohol may keep them alive.
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Old 12-13-2017, 04:44 AM
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Hi willowwisp

I drank for many years and not drinking was a massive change for me.

I don't think it's out of the ordinary for someone to be a little quieter, or a little irritable when quitting drinking.

It wasn't possible for me to just drink when out to lunch or whatever because even one drink would feed my thirst/obsession and I'd start drinking again the first chance I got.

Maybe your mums not at that point yet and can moderate her drinking.
I guess only time will tell.

I certainly wish you and your family the best

D
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Old 12-13-2017, 06:27 AM
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Hi, WillowWisp.
Welcome.
Not at all unusual for someone to be cranky and quiet when giving up or cutting way back on drinking.
Can you and your dad take a step back for a bit, give her a little breathing room?
Could be helpful all the way around.
Peace.
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Old 12-13-2017, 07:51 AM
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Trying not to be too anxious would be good, but direct family support in the experiment to help your Mom cut down is lovely, I think. It will either be successful, or it will demonstrate to all that she has crossed over, as we say. She may be willing to quit outright if moderation is too uncomfortable. Support and honesty within your family will be a good head start for all.

Just keep eyes open, and if your Mom becomes unwilling to moderate or to stop...you and your dad will need support of others living with active addiction.
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Old 12-13-2017, 08:02 AM
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As others have said, moderation almost never works for the addict. Now, I don't know if your mom crossed that line, but I suspect that she did. Many folks in your mom's position will simply start hiding his or her drinking (master closet and garage are two most prominent places to hide booze). I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. Good luck to you.
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Old 12-13-2017, 09:12 AM
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I agree, moderation is something most of us here have tried...and failed. Maybe your mother will be able to do this, I don't know. And, yes, it's typical that she would be quiet, on edge and snappy. Those are the very things that will push her to increase her drinking, unless she decides to stop drinking and make changes in her life. I wish the best for your family.
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