Do I HAVE to take ALL my sponsors suggestions?
 

My sponsor says that if I want a sponsor to sponsor me...I have to do everything they say...no matter how I feel about it. What do you think ?

Pretty much, yep.

But....then why are they called "suggestions" ?? And not "orders" ?

Sometimes...I think he's wrong. After all...he IS human, too. If something seems 'not right' to me....you're saying I should just blindly follow it ?

You do not have to do anything you do not want to do.

It is all a suggestion.

However, if it is key to your recovery... Why not do it?

Thats just it....some of it doesnt seem 'KEY' to me....it seems "bossy"...

Its funny because this topic has been around me lately. My sponsor is pretty laissez faire about how he suggests things to me but knowing that he has 20+ years of sobriety and some success in the program i take that with a grain of salt. I personally believe every one of us has our own program in sobriety. Person (A) might have a particular way they like to stay sober while Person (B) has another way. With that in mind i would say that typically the sponsors i have known will suggest things to a sponsee not dictate. Perhaps you need to find another sponsor? Can you give me an example of what you don't like? Do you have resentment over how your sponsor is acting toward you?

I know that for a lot of years, I didn't do a very good job at running my life. A large part of that was my inability to wisely decide what was key to my sobriety. Second opinions, or suggestions, saved my life.

Yes...heres one example: I went to rehab recently and completed. While in rehab I was seen by the doctor on staff. She STRONGLY suggested that I take something called Vivitrol. Its a shot given once a month that is supposed to help alcoholics with cravings. I was willing to do anything to stay sober so I agreed. Well once I told my sponsor about it, he said "In my day, when we wanted to control cravings we ate chocolate...not take a shot or pop a pill...thats bullsh*t" He went on to say that I needed to NOT go in on Decemeber 17th to get my next shot. But I believe the Vivitrol HAS been working.

thoughts ???

Yeah, well give us an example.

My experience tells me that if the sponsor tells me to wash and wax his/her car as crucial to my recovery, I can safely tell him/her s/he's lost the plot.

If s/he tells me I need to do something that I can read in the book, I'll do it. Some sponsors do their thing with love and tolerance and some of them do it with control and fear.

You can tell the difference. Trust your instinct.

*edit after we cross posted: If you want to take the shot, take the shot. Tell the sponsor and see how he reacts. If he fires you, oh well. People have pretty strong opinions about pharmaceuticals, but if your doctor gives you something it is up to you to decide. There is a pamphlet about medications and AA if you go to AA.org.

I also did sobriety without any medications. Meds have caused me problems in the past. So I can see his point about chocolate - that's what I did, too. :)

Hey scarly,
I would think that if your doctor suggested it and you feel like it would fortify your sobriety then you should take it. I don't know the full circumstances though? I also don't want to judge your sponsor. Do you have any other close mouth friends with a chunk of sobriety you could ask?
Garrison

Thanks everyone.... and I am going to get my shot. Vivitrol is a non-narcotic and not addictive. I think I am going to window shop for another sponsor. Sorta "keep what Im driving now....but peek at the dealerships as I drive by"... ;)

Good luck!

thank you !!!

theres a pamphlet titled,"questions and answers on sponsorship" you can find online that is a good read. heres a little something from it:

Must the newcomer agree with
everything the sponsor says?
No. If the sponsor’s ideas sound strange or
unclear, the newcomer had better speak up and
ask questions. Theirs is supposed to be an easy,
open relationship, in which both parties talk freely
and honestly with each other.
The A.A. program is simple, but it didn’t seem
that way to many of us at first. Often, we learned
by asking questions, at closed meetings or — most
especially — in conversations with our sponsors
__________________________________________________ ___________________________________
a sponsor isnt to take a sponsee hostage and set demands.

HOWEVER
a sponsor may say things a sponsee doesnt agree with. but when it comes to medication and doctors, its best for sponsors to do what the BB says and not play doctor.

hey tomsteve....im in Michigan, too.... Plymouth area :)

No. Of course you don't.

Be open to trying things even though they may feel uncomfortable. Recovery isn't always comfortable.

At the same time, be willing to explain that something doesn't feel right for you and ask for alternative suggestions or just explain that you're unable to do a particular thing suggested at this time.

If your sponsor is a good sponsor, that person will adapt and offer their experience or their rationale for their suggestion - but will not pressure you to do things you're not comfortable with.

:grouphug:

No, I don't think you have to blindly follow his "orders" if they don't 'feel right' to you.

A little doubt can be a good thing. Also, your sponsor is not supposed to be giving you medical advice since he is not your doctor, and his job as your sponsor is to guide you thru the steps - not diagnose you.

Hi, Scarly.
Your sponsor sounds kinda old school.
There have been a lot of additions to the recovery toolkit in recent years, including medication, therapy, and cbt to help addicts maintain recovery.
If you think the Vivitrol helps, then do it.
Personally, when anyones begins a sentence with “In my day...”
I do a mental eyeroll and skedaddle.
But that’s me.