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Do I HAVE to take ALL my sponsors suggestions?

Old 12-12-2017, 12:24 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Least is right. Your sponsor is not your physician.
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Old 12-12-2017, 01:24 PM
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Originally Posted by scarly View Post
Thats just it....some of it doesnt seem 'KEY' to me....it seems "bossy"...
How long has your sponsor been sober?
How many sponsees does your sponsor have?

Can you give an example as to what they are asking you to do? I think many can shed some light.

If they have a long time sober, it is for a reason. Usually, they learn from their sponsor...

EDIT as I read the past post..

A sponsor should NOT give medical advice, they are not a doctor
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Old 12-12-2017, 03:16 PM
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Someone mentioned this pamphlette on sponsorship

https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

and here's one on medications and AA
https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-11...ersMedDrug.pdf

Both linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Last edited by Dee74; 12-12-2017 at 11:04 PM.
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Old 12-12-2017, 06:06 PM
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Tell him you'll listen when he gets board certified as an addiction specialized psychiatrist.
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Old 12-12-2017, 08:06 PM
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Originally Posted by scarly View Post
But....then why are they called "suggestions" ?? And not "orders" ?
Personally, I would never contradict a physicians instructions. The Big Book is pretty clear on this one: leave that stuff to the experts.

However, as to your original question:

Because sponsors can only give their opinions and suggestions based on their experience, and to "order" a sponsee takes away the sponsee's responsibility for their sobriety. You alone own your sobriety, much like it's no one else's fault that you became addicted in the first place.

I recently had to let a sponsee go after he relapsed again. He only seemed willing to work a program when he faced consequences from his relapses, and as soon as things started to settle down started missing meetings, spending time with people who were not supportive of his recovery, etc. When I told him I could no longer sponsor him, he couldn't understand why. I told him he needed to find a sponsor whose suggestions he was willing to follow, and that his actions made it clear that I was not that person. I cannot make someone else willing, and it is a fools errand to work harder for someone's recovery than they are willing to do.

If you don't want to follow the suggestions you get, find another sponsor. If you want the kind of sobriety someone else has, don't be surprised when they suggest you do what they did to get it.
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Old 12-12-2017, 08:17 PM
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As a sponsor I take a newcomer through the steps as another taught me - nothing more. I am happy to share my experience in sobriety but I am not a consigliere.
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Old 12-12-2017, 08:49 PM
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Mindfulman said it all.

How much updated research is your sponsor exposing himself to regarding current evidence based practice?
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Old 12-12-2017, 08:58 PM
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My understanding has always been that whats between you and your doctor is considered 'outside issues' to the aa program. ie the aa program shouldn't really have an opinion on it.
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Old 12-12-2017, 09:03 PM
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Mindfulman said it all.

How much updated research is your sponsor exposing himself to regarding current evidence based practice?
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Old 12-13-2017, 06:10 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by scarly View Post
My sponsor says that if I want a sponsor to sponsor me...I have to do everything they say...no matter how I feel about it. What do you think ?
NO
Be careful.
I got into a very terrible situation by doing everything my sponsor told me to do...I was so miserable I wanted to kill myself. I was ordered to come off all my anti depressants cold turkey. I was not allowed to take claritin for my allergies or drink caffeine. She wouldn't even let me talk to my family or go to the church I wanted to go to--I had to go to her church and I had to clear it with her if I wanted to talk to my father and read off a script. It was SUPER weird.
Sponsors are guides and give suggestions. That's it.
The answer is NO NO NO NO NO. Run for the hills.
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Old 12-13-2017, 07:06 AM
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I watched my ex go through AA and it is probably one of the major reasons I choose not to do it.

"I am doing great, they are talking about me sponsoring someone"

"That's great babe, knew you could do it"

He died from alcohol related illness last year, or two years ago, I didn't care. I was supportive and smiling all the while thinking, you are going to help someone quit, you don't have a rap sheet, you have a book, I have seen it, the Crown showed it to me and told me to run far and fast... The only reason you are sober and doing so well, is because it is court ordered. You are lying to yourself and everyone else, including those poor people at AA who think this time you are different.

The day after they quit **** testing him, he was drunk. He was unbelievably high functioning, we owned a lot of properties, he worked a very good job, I literally had more money than I could spend and there was no possible way he could **** it all away - so I thought. He finally managed by his death, about 1/4 of what he had 2 years previous was left, still enough for a normal person to live very well on for the rest of his life, but he wasn't normal.

Saying all that, I believe the program works, I have seen it work for others, however, the people are what put me off. I would not say the majority are that way, but I know he was, star steward for AA, until he could drink and then his vortex, and eventual decline makes the stories in the Big Book look like fairy tales.

I guess what I am saying, don't let people into your life, in AA, who you wouldn't let into your life outside of AA.
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Old 12-13-2017, 07:25 AM
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