PAWS or just depression after some time sober?
 

Hi everyone,
I just copy/pasted my first post from another thread. Should have posted it here instead to make proper introduction, but overlooked this part of forum.

Let me introduce my self so to speak. I am 33, been abused when I was 4 and I've been using alcohol pretty heavily for about 10 years (once it was >= 0.5L of cognac per night for about 8 months) or so and a pot with it for about 6 years. To be honest I had 11 months of therapy and managed to stay sober all that time, but the only useful thing I learned back then is how my denial may manifest and what the denial actually is. I quit therapy and relapsed for four years taking a pause for one or three months.
Long story short I managed to stay sober for year now. Unless glass of wine (literally one) counts as a relapse of course, and in this case it is just six months. No program, no therapy. Only mindfulness meditations, self analysis and some CBT related exercises.
Once I quit drinking/smoking I noticed that after pink cloud phase I started feeling really odd. I even thought that I am bipolar or something - periods of energy/joy were followed by depression. And those mood swings... OMG. So I started journal to log what happens with me and noticed that periods of feeling normal become longer and mood swings were not that severe. Then I googled and found about PAWS. Well, it is nice to know what to expect. I shared it with my wife and warned her that I may be depressed or just being a dick for no apparent reason sometimes and I might not be able to spot it right away.
So everything was more or less okay up until last week.
I have not been that depressed since early days of my not so long sobriety. It's not as bad as it was back then or when I was drinking, but anyway frustrating.
Now I wonder, is it just PAWS? Or I was expecting more after these 12 months of not being drunk/high?

P.S.: I moved to Germany last year and now learning new stuff to get a job I want + I need to learn German, since here it is a must.

Hi aazh. Congrats on your sober time.

Not to offer a diagnosis, but this time of year always triggers my depression. You've also had a major life change with relocating to Germany — maybe something going on there?

Also, you say no program, but meditation, self-analysis and CBT certainly qualify as a plan of some sort :)

Hi and welcome aazh :)

Its really hard for anyone to diagnose PAWs cos it's really a group of symptoms and not everyone gets the same symptoms.

This is a great link on it tho - see if rings any bells?

http://digital-dharma.net/post-acute...r-immediately/

D

Thank you guys!
Totally my case when I was using. This time (actually first time I am keeping a log) I did not record anything like that. Before I felt really miserable and depressed in November/December, since I started drinking more in the beginning of autumn. This time was much, much better though, except those days.
I think that you are correct and most likely the reason is changing too much at once. And expecting too much as well. So I will lower my aim and try to keep big picture in mind in moments like this.
Yeah, I planned to use these tools and if there was no success I would seek help elsewhere.

Yeah, this is exactly what I found with google :). I was looking for reason for mood swings and anxiety and lack of energy sometimes. It offers some explanation which confirms my observations.
I've been keeping track of physical stuff with fitbit and doctors, there everything looks fine, except known issues.

I think that the biggest problem with PAWS is that it is easy to blame anything on it.

My mood swings were very noticable the first 30 days on through 90-100 days. Then they got milder, but I thought PAWS was probably part of it especially around the 100 day mark. I still experience mood swings but they aren’t as wide or manic. It is good you can recognize them and hopefully they will continue to subside. Recognizing triggers and recognizing the mood swing itself are great self awareness and those around you will appreciate it.

Thanks Dee, this is just what I needed to read today. I bookmarked it.